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Daddy’s Got a Gun

11 Feb

And he knows how to use it.

Ok, ok, ok. Before I begin, I must make a few things clear.

  • I do not consider myself a perfect parent. I make mistakes. A lot. I also will be the first to admit I don’t know what I’m doing. Who in the world really “knows” how to be a parent anyway?
  • I am not anti-gun. If you want to own a gun, you own that gun. I may or may not own a gun. That’s for me and a would-be burglar or the end of the world zombie to find out. Whether I know how to use it or not, well, I may or may not have a gun.

Back to the dad and his gun. If you don’t know what I’m talking about I promise I won’t laugh at you for being out of the social media loop this past week. (I actually might be jealous of you because you haven’t been exposed to the excitement around the video. And now, I will ruin that for you.)

Basically, a teenage daughter vents on facebook about her parents and the chores she has to do using bad words and typical teen angst. She apparently has been punished for this before so the dad, understandably, has had it. He reads her facebook vent to the camera and then shoots her laptop eight times so that she will now have to earn back her privileges. To see the whole thing for yourself:


I am fine with the fact that he is upset and wants to punish her. I just feel like I’m in the minority of those who may not support the way he went about it – or their “way to go/great parenting” spirit. Again, I’m not targeting the gun – for me, it’s more about the destruction and the possible public embarrassment to his daughter that he created. Sure, he may have felt upset and embarrassed by her vent but he is the adult. How is what he did better than what she did? What example did he set? Have a problem? Destroy it. I’ve seen people comment that he should have donated the laptop. I agree. That shows respect and consideration of others. Seems like a good teaching lesson.

My other issue is it must be challenging to parent in today’s social media world. I am so grateful I didn’t have facebook when I was teen. The things I wrote in my diary were awful. I vented a lot. And now I have a wonderful relationship with my parents. If they acted like this father did should they happen to read my vents, I don’t think I would regret my writings, but resent my parents for crushing me like that. I was a teen. TEEN. Not an adult. There’s supposed to be a difference there, right?

My last concern with this whole thing is my conspiracy theory mind can’t help but think this dad is doing this all for publicity for his book and his company. (His facebook page is quite a popular place and it was really easy for me to find his book on Amazon.)

Yeah, I said it was my conspiracy theory mind.

I suppose I just needed to vent myself. Some of you may agree but I have a feeling many more of you will not – I just hope any of you who disagree keep my laptop out of your sights.

Wasted Worry

31 Jan

There’s no rest for the weary.

That’s what Andrew has told me. We both know the saying has more to do with those who work a lot and are tired but he said it to me because of the constant worry I weigh on myself.

I’m starting to force myself to realize that some (most) of my worry wastes my heart and soul. Especially after days like today where Nate got a behavior note home or other days when the kids have fevers or Andrew is told he needs to travel for work or is laid off or the car breaks down or sad news comes in a phone call from family. All of those things slap me in the face as a wake up call of things that justify worry. Things that don’t justify worry are things like another day or work, commuting, homework, grades, headaches, cleaning and what’s for dinner. Sure, I should care about all of that but I shouldn’t let those things dictate my emotions.

No rest for the weary. And no smiles on days filled with wasted worry.

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Too Sick for School?

26 Jan

I know who it is as soon as I see the phone number pop up on my phone. I feel like I see it once a week.

The school nurse.

She is wonderful. Truly. I want to bring her gifts with heart-shaped cards and make her sweet treats to show my appreciation for her. I’ve never met her in person but I feel like my family is cared about by an incredibly patient and kind soul. I think it’s one of the many reasons the kids always want to see her for the smallest boo-boo and I don’t blame them. She gives them comfort, care, a bandage or ice and then she calls me, which means they get to talk on the phone – at school – to mommy.

Of course, they also go to her for legitimate reasons. When I get the call that they don’t feel well, Andrew or I will leave work and scoop them up for TLC. Today though, her number appeared and I ended up asking the nurse if she thought it would be ok if Nia stayed. She said yes because Nia didn’t have a fever. Despite her guidance, I felt like I needed the nurse because I felt terrible.

I know Nia wasn’t harming herself or others by being there. She was probably just uncomfortable. She had a cough and said she had a headache but was acting fine otherwise. When the nurse put Nia on the phone, I asked her if she could stick it out. She said yes but her voice was so sad.

I thought to myself, if I was still a stay-at-home mom, I would get her in a second. Pull her out of school and cuddle with her while watching her favorite laugh-track shows. Then I thought, that could be a bad thing because I would always run to rescue them. Even if I didn’t really need to. Even if they should (are well enough to) stick it out.

I am thankful for the nurse to advise me. I also use resources like this and this when I’m not so sure about whether they should be in school. Yes, there is also the motherly instinct, but I think I would use that one too instinctively, for sure.

By the way, if I trusted my instincts today, they would’ve been wrong. When I picked Nia up at the end of the day, she was feeling a-ok. And I’m so glad for that.

*One other resource:
I also thought this has some good info about different kinds of coughs.

State of the Union: A Child’s View

25 Jan

Past her bedtime and above her school subject matter, Nia cuddled her teddy bear as she watched the State of the Union with us. The post below features her commentary. Please keep in mind she’s 8 years old, her daddy is passionate about government issues and her mommy should really not even be answering questions about it. Then again, maybe Nia will help me learn a thing or two.

***

How old is the president? He looks in his 30′s. You guys look like you’re in your 20′s. He looks like maybe 32 or 35.

***

He’s not afraid to talk in front of all those people? Every seat is filled. Is everyone there from Congress?

***

There’s the First Lady! Does the woman next to the First Lady know the camera is on her?

***

That guy (in the audience) is crooked smiling. Why?

***

Without teachers, who would teach you? That’s what he’s saying.

***

That man had a “D” next to his name.

Me: Do you know what that stands for?

Dem – dem – demo…

Me: Do you know what the “R” stands for?

Revolutionary War?

(We then told her the correct names.)

***

Andrew: There’s Senator Rockefeller. He’s from West Virginia.

Is he your friend?

***

I think Obama is a good president.

Andrew: Why?

Because he smiles when he talks.

(Andrew discussed why that is nice and may show that he’s a good person but there’s more involved with being a good president.)

***

Why isn’t that man smiling?

Me: Maybe he doesn’t agree with what President Obama is saying.

Maybe he’s a Republican. Not a – what’s it called? – a dem – dem – democracy? Dem something.

Me: Democrat.

I was close! I said democracy!

***

For a speaker, he’s not speaking at all.

 Me: You mean the Speaker of the House? Well, it doesn’t really work that way and it’s not his turn.

***

Me: (just curious about her response) Should a person who makes one million dollars give 30% of it away?

No. They should give 50%. Half.

Andrew: Should they be forced to give it or do it because they want to?

Because they want to.

Andrew: Why?

Because it’s the right thing to do.

Andrew: What if they chose not to give? Should they be forced to give?

No. They just aren’t nice people though.

Andrew: A Libertarian is born!

What does that mean?! I don’t know what that means! (Laughing.)

***

They are all clapping.

Me: That’s because he quoted Abraham Lincoln and people like Lincoln.

Everyone should.

***

That guy had an “I” by his name. What’s that mean?

Me: Independent Party. Democrat and Republican are the big ones and then there’s the Independent and Libertarian Parties. Daddy, and even mommy, consider ourselves Libertarian.

Is that what me and Nate are?

Me: That will be up to you, baby. When you grow up, you will decide that.

Can you be more than one Party?

Me: It’s all in what you believe. If you agree with different things from each then yes. Or you may believe with one Party more but like a person from a different one because you think he/she will make a good leader.

Can you be all of them?

Me: It’s fine to change your mind.

***

Interrupted 85 times? By who?

Me: The applause.

Oh. (Chuckle.) They must love Obama, huh?

Me: Some do, yes.

***

He kissed all the girls. He’s just kissing random girls!

Me: What do you think about that?

It’s how some people give peace, like we do in church.

(This made me cry.)

***

Could kids be there now?

Me: Probably. Would you want to be there?

Yes, to meet Barack Obama.

Thankful for Lady Gaga

24 Jan

She is nice to him and he bashfully describes her as pretty. She stole his heart on a day near Halloween when she walked in his class dressed up as a Kindergarten (G-rated) Lady Gaga.

Nate was so enamored with Little Gaga that he announced to the class during a Thanksgiving lesson that he is most thankful for her. (His teacher emailed me about the sweetness.)

Turns out, the feeling is mutual. Her mom tells me that she “just loves Nate” and that she recently put him as no. 89 in her “Favorite 100 Things” book because there are 89 different reasons she likes him. She also saves every drawing Nate gives her and has them hanging in her room. This one was the first:

image

Nate will reassure us that they are not boyfriend and girlfriend. “I’m too young for that,” he maturely states and then turns his head down to the side to hide his grin.

I smile too, remembering a note to her that said, “I love you because you are nice to me.” So pure. So important. Such a beautiful reason to love someone. I hope he always thinks about that when it comes to his future “real” girlfriends. Loving the inside as much as the Lady Gaga.

Even if it only works once …

21 Jan

Tonight, I talked an angry, little, tired man to sleep. Not because what I was saying was so snooze-worthy either, but because he was so relaxed and stilled by the tone of my voice and the words of love I was sharing with him. It was unbelievable and beautiful.

I thought if I would tell him all the things I love about him, he would calm his frustration over not getting to stay up a little later. Nothing like this has happened before with Nate so I was not counting on it. Especially since he had just thrown a beat-down on his pillow and tried to wedge himself against the wall and his bed to make it clear he wanted nothing to do with me. After walking away and giving him a moment, I spoke to him softly and rubbed his hair. Then, amazingly, I heard his quiet breath take on a sleep rhythm.

I told him he was such a cool kid. That he was smart, sweet and so incredibly full of heart. That I love how he tries so hard at everything he does. That he cares about others. That I see how nice he is to his sister, daddy, me, turtle and even Mr. Fishface. He’s funny. It’s so great how he likes to read and learn math. He’s really good at it. That I love him and I’m not trying to be a mean mommy by making him go to bed, I’m doing it so he can play and have a great day tomorrow. That watching him play sports is one of the best things I’ve ever gotten to do.

Little, sleepy, angry man. Thank you for letting me have a special parenting moment to cherish. And for not waking up as I attempted to tippy-toe out of your room.

Spud

27 Dec

We called you that because you looked like a potato in the ultrasound picture. An adorable, precious, squirmy, overwhelming potato.

I remember I cried when I found out I was going to have another baby. “How will I ever love another child as much as I love Nia?” I worried. You were a surprise. You were a blessing.

You were due on December 20th. I bought baby’s first Christmas clothes and ornaments. It would technically not be your first Christmas. You arrived on December 27th and not without a dramatic entrance. We finally would find out if Spud was a girl or a boy and – oh yeah – that emergency c-section. You were healthy after a struggle of an arrival and were a boy. We cried out of relief, excitement and love.

Today, six years later, you woke me up with a cuddle and a happy, “Today is my real birthday!”

Yes it is, Spud. And I’m so glad for it.

Innocence and Danger

5 Dec

It used to be breaking news would go over my children’s heads. Used to be, breaking news wouldn’t even be on TV because we’d have on a channel just for kids that never showed crawls or news cut-ins. Now though, my children are getting older and they are more perceptive and are sponges for information. Constantly questioning, reading things and figuring out what their parents are trying to secretly spell out in front of them.

This all became very evident to me this weekend while we were watching “It’s a Wonderful Life” on an Atlanta TV station. Our 5-year-old started to read the crawl at the bottom of the screen. The crawl was about a little girl, Jorelys Rivera from Canton, Ga., who was missing. “Three or four feet tall. Blue jeans and pink shirt,” our son read. Our 8-year-old daughter, only one year older than Jorelys, asked about her. What happened? Where is she? Where was she? Where is her mom? We answered the questions that we could and talked to them about how police thought she was taken from near her apartment’s playground. I stressed the need to be cautious of strangers, not really knowing if this was a stranger issue or not, just trying to reinforce to them about safety while we were on the subject.

I didn’t really think it would all register to them. Still at ages where the next few hours are what’s on their mind, I was quite surprised to hear my daughter say unprovoked after church on Sunday, “I think I saw that little missing girl in church today. She was sitting in front of us.” I told her that I thought that was very smart of her to be looking for the girl but I didn’t think that was her. She didn’t meet the description good enough. My daughter asked, “I wonder if they found her.”

She was really thinking about this.

How was I going to tell her what happened to Jorelys? That they found the sweet baby girl’s body on Monday. Should I? Would it scare her too much? But, sadly, terribly, it’s what happened. She should know. She cared about Jorelys. A girl who could have been my daughter’s friend. She carried her purse and diary to the playground like my daughter would have. So innocent and sweet. Like all our children.

I told her and my son. I didn’t get detailed. Just that I had sad news. They found the missing girl. I let the questions start, “Is she ok? Was she hurt? Where was she? Was she killed? Was she shot? How did she die? Who did it? But she was only seven.”

I told them that sometimes people are mean or not right and will hurt others, even kids. Police are now trying to figure out who did it. That the only people who really know now are Jorelys and the person who hurt her. “And God,” my daughter said. “And Santa,” my son added. “Santa knows.”

A child’s perspective of something so serious and sad. I explained that it doesn’t matter if Santa knows. This is bigger than Santa but his young mind was determined, “But that person who hurt her was not nice.”

Yes, buddy, you’re right. Not nice at all. The perspective of a child trying to figure out such a scary and heartbreaking situation is so confusing. I can’t even imagine what she thought. I wish she didn’t have to think it. Too young. So innocent. Only seven. With her purse and diary.

Some people have fine china…

19 Nov

or some other special heirloom like a painting or jewelry that they hand down to their children when they reach an age when they can understand its importance, respect and appreciate it. This moment recently happened for Nia when I introduced her to the movie, Grease.

I actually can’t remember the first time I watched it because I’ve seen it so many times. I know I was 10 or younger. I have fond memories of watching it with my sister and also with my friend, Mary Lou. We would repeat the lines and sing along. We quoted it when we weren’t watching it. My sister and I had the album and I remember starring at the pictures on it as I listened. I even got to see Grease on Broadway in New York City. It is cherished.

I wasn’t sure if Nia would feel the same way. Or if she was even really ready for it. I know I didn’t realize most of the stuff they were saying but Nia is way more attentive and inquisitive. She asked questions through the entire movie and reviewed it. Nate even throw in a few peanut gallery comments as he caught scenes here and there.

  • “Why are the Pink Ladies making fun of Sandy? I thought they were friends.” (Inquired during “Look at me, I’m Sandra Dee.”)
  • “They are licking tongues!” (Nate’s reaction to the parking scene with Rizzo and Kenickie.)
  • Major giggles from both when Danny pulled the umpire’s mask after the foul ball call.
  • More giggles when Danny raises his arm in the air at the end of “Summer Nights.”
  • Censorship by daddy in the form of a loud clearing of his throat during a lyric about not being respectful to girls in the song, “Summer Nights.”
  • “They have wine!” (Reacting to the wine at the sleepover.)
  • “They always get mad at each other and then make up and then mad again.” (Nia’s general perception of Danny and Sandy’s relationship.)
  • “Sandy becomes this girl?! No way.” (Nia, pointing to the DVD case with red high-heeled Sandy on it.)
  • “What’s that called where they are? (I answer.) Drive-ins look cool. Do we still have them?
  • “The T-Birds aren’t being nice to Eugene.” (Said each scene with Eugene.)
  • “They used speakers back then? Now we have tvs for morning announcements.”
  • “Can I watch it again?”

She even asked to watch Grease 2 but she wasn’t digging that it wasn’t Danny and Sandy. As for me, well, I love a cool rider and I’m so happy to share this with her.

Conflicted Over a Crime

1 Oct

Nia recently witnessed a crime. She told me about it very casually as I tucked her in for bedtime. In between her prayers and happy thoughts we talk about so she has sweet dreams, she said:

“I saw someone steal a toothbrush today at the grocery store. A dad took it out of the wrapper and gave the wrapper to his little girl to throw away and then he put the toothbrush in his pants.”

She told me she heard the rip of the wrapper and that’s what got her attention to look that way. I was right there with her but I didn’t notice it. I probably was deep in thought comparing bread ingredients or some such grocery store necessity. She said she’s not sure why she didn’t point it out to me or tell me then.

I’m really surprised about that too. She always tells me all sorts of things. Things I don’t necessarily want to know about what her friends say and do and everything her little brother does to annoy her. The time she should speak up to me, for whatever reason, she doesn’t. I’m actually not even sure what I would’ve done had she told me at the time.

Would I confront him? Unlikely. I’m not the confronting strangers type. Would I tell the grocery store employees? I should, right? They are stealing. But then I think of the little girl. Do I want to cause her any more trouble or hardship than she already may be experiencing? Also, it’s just a toothbrush. Maybe the dad’s mad at the high prices and is making a point? Still doesn’t make it right though… What would you do? Would you confront or report?

I talked to Nia about it, in case it ever happens again. She knows that taking something that isn’t yours – or that you haven’t paid for – is wrong. We also talked about some things that may cause people to steal and how I can sometimes understand why someone in a desperate circumstance would feel they have no other choice. That starts getting confusing for an 8-year-old. Especially one who just watched a little girl about her age have to do as her daddy said and help him steal.

My little girl witnessed a crime but what’s more sad to me is that another little girl was involved in one.

 

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