Tag Archives: punishment

No Break for Behavior

22 Sep

I support cause and effect punishment. If you do something you know is wrong, especially after being warned and told not to do it again, there should be a punishment. Whether it’s being mean/hurtful to someone else, refusing to listen/respect adults or tearing the paint off of walls, there needs to be some corrective action taken and guidance provided about what is proper behavior and what is not.

What that punishment is has varied for us over the years. There were a lot of time-outs. There were a few spankings. Too many scoldings to count. Privileges and toys (once an entire doll house) taken away. Even soap (with immediate rinsing). The severity of the punishment depended on the no-no. We rarely had to punish twice for the same no-no. A lot of it was us figuring it out as we went. If it seemed like one thing wasn’t working after a while, we tried another. If it seemed the punishment really didn’t fit the behavior, we altered it.

This is why I’m so confused/surprised that I’m feeling that kids need a break now and then. We give plenty of warnings to allow them to settle down and make a better choice so our need for punishment has dropped significantly because they’ve learned they don’t want to be in trouble and that they want to do what’s right. I believe school does this too. I can count on one hand the number of times Nia had to “pull a stick” during her years in school. Nate is (knock on wood) actually doing great in school as well. He had to pull a stick once for keeping his feet on someone else’s square on the rug, which I’m sure boils down to a listening issue. He’s been doing so well at following all the school rules but then there are even more rules at after-school and I guess – well – he’s just a little tired at that point.

We got a note home from the after-school counselors saying Nate’s behavior is becoming a problem because he’s not listening. They were surprised because he is one of “their best kids.” I called because I wanted specifics so I would know how to help correct the concern. Basically, he’s not listening is what I was told.

  • He bounces in his seat on the bus. I told him not to bounce. Keep his bottom in the seat. It’s for his safety and all the kids because the bus driver doesn’t need distractions. He understood.
  • In the after-school room, he’s to listen to his counselors like he listens to his teacher. Be a helper, not a hurter.
  • If he brings another note home then we will take away privileges. No video games. No tv time.

Fine. But then I thought about it. So many rules. All day long. When I went to my grandparents after elementary school they never had a report for my mom. “Nikki wouldn’t listen. She sassed her grandpa.” I did that. Yes. But it was never relayed to my parents. After a day of rule-following so well at school, I was allowed a rest from the regime. To not listen here and there, without it being written up.

I guess it comes down to – I just don’t want to be nagging him all the time. Not good for any of us. A break is needed. I feel like it will be ok if I ease up on him for minor after-school issues. I think my working mommy with no family around guilt is blurring my behavior patrol glasses. I may need a time-out.

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Color Coded Moods

18 May

With one week left of school, Nate seems to be going out with more than a bang – it’s more like a behavior blow up.

Each day, he and his Pre-K classmates start with a blue day, which basically means great behavior. If they have behavior troubles, like not listening to the teachers or being mean to friends, their color turns to green, yellow or red, depending on how many issues they’ve had that day. (We tell Nate to think of blue like a home run, green as a base hit, yellow as a foul ball and red as a strike out.)

For the school year, Nate has actually earned more blue and green days than yellow and red days combined so these past few days have been tough on all of us. (Even Nia told me today that she was wearing blue so Nate will get a blue day.)

For the most part, he gets yellow or red due to listening issues like not being quiet when he’s supposed to or playing while he should be resting/learning. But one of his recent not listening days went further because it involved him losing a friend’s football on the school’s roof because he didn’t stop throwing it up there when the teacher asked him to.

His punishments for his actions include no video games, no baseball playing (we’ve actually removed all baseball gear/toys/cards from his room), he wrote an I’m sorry card to the football friend and will be using his piggy bank money to buy him a new ball, and today he was not allowed to wear pajamas to his class’ pj day. He is always so saddened at his punishments but today’s was especially hard. He saw all of his friends in their pajamas, even a few who had yellow or red days yesterday like he did, but he was not in his.

I feel so bad about it. I just don’t know what else to do since we’ve used all the other typical punishments (that usually turn his behavior immediately around because he wants to earn his privileges back). I’m worried we are being too strict but I’m also worried about his behavior when he gets to Kindergarten. Right now, his color coded days of Pre-K influence my moods so heavily. What in the world am I going to do when he’s called into the principal’s office? That will be a red (fire-red) day all around for sure.

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Hope to see blue (or even green!) today.

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