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Me Worry?

16 Aug

You name it, chances are I’ve worried about it. In fact, I’ve written a blog or two about it. (I got four pages of results when I searched the word “worry.”)

I think I’m a pretty smart person. I realize worrying doesn’t get me anywhere. It doesn’t solve anything. It doesn’t change the outcome of things. It doesn’t prevent things from happening.

Why then? Why all the worry? It’s such a waste of energy, time, sanity, happiness. It’s what I’ve been reminding myself when I feel the senseless anxiety bubbling up within me. But that’s also when I start worrying (of course) – if I don’t worry, does that mean I don’t care?

I’m not sure I know how to care about something without worrying about it. If I let go of that worry, will it change how I care about it or make it seem like I don’t care?

Ridiculous, I know. See what I mean about me worrying?!

To quiet that inner loon, I’ve been trying a few things to help ease my mind and heart. They’ve been working for me so I wanted to share because they may help a worrier you know.

When I feel the worry invade my space:

    • I think of my kids. They see me worry too much. What am I teaching them? As Nia’s sweet note shows and I’ve written about, it makes her worry. If nothing else, it can’t be fun to always hear me say something worries me. That has to change. They need to be carefree kiddos.
    • I think to myself, will this worry fix the issue? No? What will fix it? Anything? Focus on that.
    • Is this going to matter next year? Next month? Next week? No? Toss it.
    • Will this define me? In 15 years, am I going to remember this moment or issue? No? That was an easy one.
    • Will this affect my family in some way? No? Not worth an ounce of stress.
    • What happy, beautiful things am I missing out on around me because I’m stuck in the fret zone? Sucker. You are letting worry rob you of the present.

The last point actually came from something recently talked about in church. I don’t always connect with what’s taught but this spoke to me. It was about how we are only supposed to think about we need for today. “Give us this day our daily bread” refers to that. This day. Focus on today, not tomorrow. Be content and full in the present because if it was my last day I wouldn’t want it spent on worrying about what might happen. I’d want it filled with rejoicing and cherishing.

That’s what brings me to the thought that seems to soothe me the most.

Am I satisfied?

I think of my here and now and feel at peace.

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Passing the Test

16 Apr

The gas gauge dinged at me as I pulled out of my garage with 30 minutes until my new job’s pre-employment screening.

Thirty minutes? I got this. I can make it there on time just fine.

Stopped at first station – plastic bags over the pumps.

Stopped at second station – card reader wouldn’t work.

Drove out of that station and realized I failed to close my gas cap. Seconds tick away in a bank parking lot as I get out of my car for the third time in five minutes.

The third station was a charm but I was losing valuable minutes and it was a Texaco, not my usual gas go-to. (I’m a loyal-to-one-fuel-for-my-ride kinda gal.)

Got to Human Resources right on time by my clock, but five minutes late by theirs. Everyone was very nice and I didn’t see it scribbled on any paperwork that I was late.

Went through awkward pee in the cup drug screening, TB test bubble in arm and blood draw for concerning diseases. Couldn’t understand simple instructions to fill out a form half in pencil and half in pen. Somehow, my brain shut down when it was being explained to me. This also happened during the cup collection. I kept repeating in my head, “Don’t wash hands, don’t flush toilet.” Goodness, the pressure of peeing in a cup the proper way.

When I was finally allowed to wash my hands, water soaked the front of my dress. Yes, right in that questionable “Did she have an accident?” spot.

Luckily, my dress dried with time to spare before lunch with my new boss. She showed me my – probably temporary – office. Temporary because they are still determining where the new team will be located but it will be so great to have an office for any length of time! It even has a window. I don’t know how to act.

During lunch, we had a nice time talking about the job and getting to know each other. The only awkward moment happened when I couldn’t bite through a pita chip and she very politely pretended not to notice my struggle with food half in and half out of my mouth. Of course, I had to point it out to her though. “Boy, that pita chip was harder than I expected!” She was sweet and said she’s had the same issue with them. That’s cool in my book.

Despite the hiccups here and there, I have very good feelings about what’s ahead. Plus, it only took me 25 minutes to get home! (On a full tank of gas.)

First Round of Tests Done! Ready for Next Step!

It Was Fun

14 Apr

My employee badge is turned in, my desk is cleared out (I think … please let me know if I forgot something) and my see-you-laters were said through tears.

My time at Children’s has come to an end but the memories and friendships I made there will stay with me. I will keep them safe and hold them dear for always.

Best "Bye" Card Ever

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Release

12 Apr

With only four commutes to Atlanta to go, a Rooms To Go truck got the best of me today.

If you know my driving history, it may be tough to believe I have maintained a relatively courteous and calm commute style – avoiding tailing others (when possible), allowing others (who properly use their blinkers) to merge in front of me and, unbelievably, not losing my temper at every jerkface driver I encounter. I actually adopted the reaction of smile and wave, but the shame-on-you mom head shake is another option that I enjoy and use frequently. (Also, giving a thumbs up while mouthing the words “You got real far, didn’t you?” as I pull beside someone at a red light who cut off a line of cars a few seconds earlier. For my added pleasure, I’ll throw in a hand clap of rub-it-in for them.)

But today, just two days before I break up with multiple bumper-to-bumper lanes of traff*ck, a Rooms To Go truck squeezed itself nearly on top of my Maxx to get in my, also not-moving, lane.

Well, my fierce middle finger couldn’t be controlled. It fired – and fired and fired. The truck’s driver saw it fire as I evasively merged in the other not-moving lane.

The driver must have thought he didn’t deserve such an ugly reaction so he began to honk at me. He kept pulling up beside my passenger side window and honking.

I never looked over. I did fire another middle digit at him – and a head shake. (Had to throw that one in.)

That’s when the next response happened. I sobbed. Uncontrollably. I sobbed for a good two miles which translates to 10 minutes for Atlanta traffic.

I was a mess but then I felt so much better after the tears stopped. In fact, I wanted to catch up to the driver and give him the signature, “I’m sorry” wave, complete with the “whoopsies” facial expression. (Didn’t happen.)

I guess I just needed the release. So, thanks for that Rooms To Go truck driver. However, I hope I don’t see you during my last three commutes.

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The Next Adventure

31 Mar

You’re crazy. It will never happen.

That’s what I would’ve said if you told me I’d be driving 45 miles in two to six lanes of thick traffic twice a day to work on a website and understand HTML code.

I did it though. For four and a half years. Sometimes, my ride to work would take 90 minutes. Sometimes, my ride home would cost me the same time from that same day. Three hours, gone.

Lovely Atlanta Traffic

The job I was driving to and from was great. I loved it. It challenged me to try something different and I was proud to work for such a worthwhile organization – Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta. Even more, I worked with a wonderful team of people. I learned so much from them and I formed friendships I cherish. I also had an incredible manager. I have much respect for him and how he knows his area and helps others to understand. The team he leads is awesome – both in work ethic and talent – and I feel so special to have been a part of it. I will miss our lunches, “face time” at our cubes and meetings that often took a turn toward laughs and tangent conversations. (It was all a part of our creative process.)

Some of the Beloved Team

I am sad to leave but another opportunity closer to home is now in my future.

The job posting said Web Content Editor, Athens Regional Medical Center. Athens is just 25 miles away. A 30-minute drive. That title is my title at Children’s. I needed to try for it.

It only took about 30 minutes to apply online. I then went about my daily routine and checked on the status of the application just about every day. The day I didn’t, a few weeks after, I got the call that they wanted to interview me.

I felt good after the interview. I graded myself a B+ but I’m pretty hard on myself. My potential new boss was welcoming and nice. She described the position and I felt like it was perfect for me. It would be a lot more writing for me but other than that the position is what I’ve been doing – only much closer to home.

The second round of interviewing involved a project. I had to do an online campaign proposal that included rewriting and restructuring a web section. I turned it in feeling good about my ideas but nervous about how I formated the actual proposal.

I waited.

The call came. They wanted me. I cried, overflowing with mixed emotions and apprehension about leaving a place and people I love so much.

My last day – Friday the 13.

I will have Spring Break off with the kids and then I begin my new adventure. I’m excited about using my experience to help another not-for-profit hospital and know this distance is better for our family. I’m looking forward to my first day there but teary-eyed for my last. I will always hold the memories I made at Childrens’s dear to my heart – especially those laughs (there were a lot).

Loved This So

I have a full heart. Grateful for all I learned and the people I met (and will stay connected to) at Children’s. Grateful for the chance for a new challenge with another great organization.

Adventure awaits. (Just not the bumper-to-bumper kind.)

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Dealing With Irregularity

20 Oct

There are certain things I’ve come to rely on/expect during my work day. They are small things that help me get through the day. Part of my routine. Things like:

  • I prepare myself that I’m going to hit traffic and that my commute will take at least an hour.
  • Coffee makes my morning better.
  • I like to listen to music from my childhood/teens while I work.
  • I desire a Diet Coke at about 2ish every afternoon.
  • My back is going to crack when I turn to look over my shoulder as I reverse my car out if its space at the end of the day.
  • I have a set restroom stall I use.

And that’s where my routine becomes irregular. Some new users have not been taking care of this commode. It is no longer up to my standard and therefore I am forced to choose another.

It is so odd how much this stall shuffle has bothered me. I never realized how much I rely on routine. I’m all out of sorts because of the location of the loo?

I think I’m also disturbed with how yucky people can be. I have no idea who is responsible for ruining my routine with their gross potty habits and they will likely never know the full extent of the mess (the toilet and my sanity) they left behind.

 

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Well, I didn’t collapse so that’s good

16 Sep

What do you call a person who participates in a three mile run/walk without weeks, days or even minutes of exercise prep and gets less than three hours of sleep the night before the race?

I must be crazy. I made it though (along with thousands of others who filled downtown Atlanta streets) and I don’t really hate my time. (45:30 or about fifteen minutes per mile.) Other than that here are some additional observations/experiences from my second attempt at a 5K.

  • I didn’t dare to stop to tie my shoelaces. I was afraid that if I stopped for even just a few seconds, I wouldn’t be able to start again. I also thought about how tripping would slow me down as well but I justified that by telling myself my chances of tripping were slim. I would face-plant due to exhaustion before shoelaces.
  • I was double-fisting at the fitness event. I started carrying a water bottle and a sports drink bottle. I ended up throwing both half-full bottles in the garbage.
  • People seemed to walk faster for the free t-shirt at the end of the race then during the race.
  • Both older and younger walkers crushed my time. One example that stands out in my mind involves an elementary schooler who held hands with her mother as they walked and crossed the finish line. (It was really sweet.)
  • I’m going to hurt in the morning. Wait, scratch that. I’m hurting now.
  • I didn’t know you could get blisters in between your toes.
  • The smells of food cooking, something burning and the sewer are never great during a race like this.
  • There were boxes and boxes o f bananas. I also saw a few whole nanas on the ground. The event was flooded with the yellow-green fruit.
  • Walking is hard.

I’ve decided my next race will include some prep work. I want to make an improvement on my time and, more importantly, reduce my body aches.

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Running on E

30 Sep

Running on Exhausted
It’s not the bad kind of exhausted where you walk around and feel exhausted.  It’s more the kind where as soon as you sit down, you’re ready for sleep.  I don’t even allow myself to get comfortable until at least 8:30 pm because I know I’ll be asleep in about 30 minutes.  The big complaint I have with this early-to-bed routine is that I’m usually not in bed when my eyes close.  I end up in a deep sleep on the love seat with Andrew snoring away on the other couch.  I love how even when we don’t sleep together, we still sleep together.

Running on Excitement
I still really like my job.  It’s been almost a month and I can honestly say I am having a great time doing my work.  I enjoy being there, my coworkers and boss are super nice and fun and I am excited about what the future holds.  So far, I’ve been working on the main website, www.choa.org, by helping the other content editor maintain it.

Most of my excitement surrounds my main job – the wellness website.  This site does not exist yet.  I was hired to help create, implement and maintain it – with the goal of making it a success.  The site is planned to be launched by January/February of next year but we’re still in meeting mode.  Enter my excitement.

I’m giddy about getting started but also nervous because I’ve never created a reputable website!  It’s just so hard to grasp how all of it is going to come together.  We’re working with three different companies and I can’t even wrap my brain around how they all will mesh together on one site.  I have confidence that I can do this, but I would just feel more comfortable if I had a little more of an idea of what to expect.

Running on Empty
Yeah, this is where I put the gas subject in here.  I’m not mad.  I’m not disgusted.  I’m curious.  I want to know how much gas the drivers who are fighting in lines, sucking the pumps dry, have in their tanks when they pull up.  I want a reporter to be there waiting to document where the gas gauge is pointing or how much gas went into their tank. Do they really need it or are they just freaking out at 3/4 of a tank thus taking it from those who really do need it because they are on empty or close to it?  I also want to know what it’s like to be a gas station worker/owner right now.  Even the tanker truck drivers probably have crazy stories to share.  I’ve heard from the panicked pumpers who’ve been stalking the stations and I’m starting to feel less and less sympathy for my fellow gas guzzler.

A positive I see in all of this is that a lot of companies are letting employees work from home to help conserve.  As a matter of fact, my work from home day is set for Friday.  If I could walk to work I would.  God knows I need the exercise.  Since I can’t, I will do my best to not freak out and swerve toward the first sign I see with numbers on it.  (Although I’m tempted to drive circles around the others who did screaming “Got gas?!” over and over again.  Of course, not with the kids in the car.  Besides, that would waste gas!  Sha!)

Running on Enamors
As much as I like work, the best part of my day is picking up my little loves.  Nate gets a huge smile and screams, “My mommy’s here!  My mommy’s here!”  He will even tell people as we walk by them, “My mommy’s here Miss Kristi!”  Nia always has a drawing for me or a note of some sort.  She’s been trying to spell words all by herself by sounding them out. The other day she even wrote a letter to a friend she met.

Some other high/lowlights are:

  • Nia really didn’t like the Beef and Broccoli I made for dinner a few days ago.  I thought she liked it. She had been eating it and was almost finished, then she said “I’m going to throw up Mommy.”  And what do you know?  Just like that.  Blah.  Right on her Ariel plate.  I felt HORRIBLE.  I told her I was sorry that she got sick and she told me, “People are just different Mommy.  Not everyone likes the same things.”  She taught me a valuable lesson that day.  I now let them sample any different food before I sit down to eat dinner and tell them, “Try one bite and if you really don’t like it I will make you something else.”  Sure, Super Nanny might say I’m spoiling them or whatever, but I’d rather make their stomachs happy than sad.
  • Nia and Nate had picture day at their schools and Nate’s are hysterically adorable.  I can’t wait to show you!  For Nia’s, Andrew fixed her hair and I let out a squeal of happiness when I picked her up that day.  Two perfectly parted ponytails.  He does such a great job!  (He even tried practicing braids!)
  • Yesterday, Nate actually ran to the potty, opened the lid and started pulling down his pants!  We were praising him so much for his big boy act that Joey was going nutso downstairs.

As for Joey – he has to have surgery on his leg because he pulled a ligament.  The vet says it just happens when a dog is over a certain weight and age.  Poor buddy.  He’s been limping around and confined to downstairs.  His surgery isn’t until October 7. I just hate to see him this way.  He wants to run and play but can’t.  We hope the surgery will have him back to his crazy self in no time.  (Please!)

 

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What I’ve Learned So Far

10 Sep

Wednesday marks my first full week back on the job and so far I’ve noticed a few things:

  • No matter how early I wake up, I still can’t leave on time.
  • Radio personalities and their opinions/statements/conversations annoy the hell out of me.
  • I really, really like coffee.
  • I’m so lucky to have Andrew as my “baby daddy.”  Because I have to leave before the kids wake up, he takes care of everything each morning.  Not only does he get himself ready, but then he wakes them up, makes their breakfasts, gets them ready, makes Nia’s lunch, fixes Nia’s hair in the cutest (and tightest) little pony tail, scoots her out the door while loading Nate in his car seat, watches her board the bus, takes Nate to school and then has to deal with Nate being kind of sad to see him go.  He also makes it all seem like no big deal.  He’s my favorite.
  • I must find a shoes that don’t murder my feet (but still look cute).
  • Nate has already learned so much, including using the potty more and more.
  • I am loving to use my brain again, both socially and creatively.
  • I am quickly running out of outfits.
  • I still need my mommy.  After 15 minutes, I still couldn’t safety pin my low cut shirt without having the pin slightly visible.
  • I have to invest in stronger deodorant until I learn to be less nervous.  It’s not that I schtank or anything, it’s that I have a giant problem with giant pit marks.  Not fun to try and hide all day long.
  • Antibacterial cleaning wipes are your friend.  (My computer really needs a wipe down.)
  • Eating out is lots of fun and tasty but I miss being able to save that money and calories!
  • It doesn’t matter what time I leave from home or work, I’m still going to hit multiple rows of bumper to bumper traffic on Interstate 85.
  • Now that I am falling asleep earlier and earlier, I need to become more picky in our television show selection.
  • Andrew has shown me yet another way he’s a keeper.  He irons all my work clothes!  (I feel so spoiled!)
  • I’m having a blast!

 

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My First Paid Publish

5 Sep

It’s official.  I’m a Web Content Editor.  I made my first update to www.choa.org today!  It was a small publish but it sure meant a big deal to me.  I basically attached a picture to one of our physician’s bios but I was very proud of myself!  I’m sure I’m probably jinxing myself, but I can’t wait to take on more and more.

So far, the past two days have been filled with meeting different people in different sub-departments and everyone has been so welcoming.  It’s a little overwhelming though because there are so many things happening under our main department and it all amazingly flows together.  I just can’t wait to catch on to it all!

I know one thing that’s awkward for me to catch on to – being able to leave at 4 pm!  After all of those years of not being able to leave until after the newscast, it’s odd to leave so early. That’s not to say that I don’t love it, it just feels like I’m going to get in trouble for leaving!

Who would have thought it?  A job that rewards you in both compensation and team support and that has great hours? I really didn’t think it was possible!
 

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