The Tragedy of a Tragedy

I didn’t want to write about this because it’s hard for me to put it all into words. In fact, I just spent way too long trying to come up with an adjective to describe what happened at Virginia Tech.  I thought of horrible and then deleted it – terrible? no – heartbreaking? – scary?  – shocking?  – when you think about it – any word would be too generic and using one makes me feel like I’m writing TV news and that just makes me want to vomit.  I’m just so sickened by how many news organizations are reporting what happened and then adding their thoughts about why it happened.

This is really why I’m writing.  A recent opinion article in our local newspaper really infuriated me this week. It was entitled “What are we teaching our boys?”  The writer used some stats to show that boys are responsible for the majority of extreme violence in U.S. schools over the last 10 years and then went on to say it’s because we’re teaching boys that in order to be masculine they shouldn’t cry. If you’d like to read it, click here.  If you did, please tell me what you thought.

Here’s what I thought – those stats about the attackers may be accurate but what about the percentage of victims who were boys?  They obviously were “taught” right.  Also, you can be the most loving, caring, peaceful parent who ever existed and your son or daughter could still have violent tendencies.  Along those lines, why is it when a woman is the attacker people tend to make excuses for her – she either had something bad happen to her or she’s crazy – but when a boy is to blame it’s because he wasn’t raised right?  I mean, how can she even say that when she really has no freaking clue how any of those boys were raised?  I just feel she totally generalized and it disgusts me that she is paid to have her opinion published.

What makes me even more disgusted and saddened is all of the “expert” opinions and finger-pointing that happens after a tragedy. Isn’t it bad enough that it happened?  Why is it people always have to make it worse by hurting others more?  It’s campus security’s fault – no it’s psychologists’ fault – no it’s the school’s fault – no it’s the parents’ fault – no it’s your fault!  AH!

I’m not pretending to know what anyone involved is going through – I know, for many, finding blame is a way to heal – I guess I just worry about what comes next for the people who thought they did everything they could and now have to live with the judgment and criticism.  Really, what it comes down to is that my heart is hurting for ANYONE who is hurting and I just wish tragedies like this would bring people together – not tear them down.