The Scale Must be Broken

3 Dec

Disclaimer – This post is all about ME. ME. ME.  I’m just giving you a warning in case you don’t want to read my blah-blahing about my body image.  The next cutesy/crazy kids post should be coming soon!

For the first time in 5 years, the scale read a number less than 130!  I weighed in at 129.8 on Saturday!  Sure, I don’t weigh that right now but still!  It’s taken me so long to even catch a glimpse at weighing anywhere near that number but for some reason (mental) I have mixed emotions about it all.  While I’m shocked and excited, I am also, oddly, disgustingly worried.

I just don’t want to reach the point where I’m not satisfied with my weight.  It makes me sick to think that I will still look at myself and point out all the things I think are wrong with me.  I mean, I was 145 in April of this year and I remember thinking, “If I could just lose 10 pounds.  I would be so happy.  That’s all I need to feel good about myself – 10 pounds.” Now, roughly 15 POUNDS later and I find myself thinking, “If I could just lose 5 more pounds.”

!!!!!!!

It’s disturbing to me and it makes me feel like I’ll never really be content.  I should be feeling awesome and just worrying about maintaining where I am – not losing more!  Even if I did drop another 5, I know I won’t look the way I did when I was 125 before babies but I guess I’m kind of curious about what my 125 post-babies body will look like.  But then what if I don’t like it?  When will it stop?!?!

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5 Responses to “The Scale Must be Broken”

  1. Anna December 3, 2007 at 1:18 am #

    Congratulations, Nikki!The fact that you're worried about trying to lose too much weight says to me that you're going to be okay. 🙂

  2. Scoop December 3, 2007 at 9:19 am #

    Nik…that is awesome! I remember getting down really low right after college. I felt that I needed to lose more, and I only stopped because my mother was worried about my weight. I also found that my body was telling me it was enough, because I couldn't maintain my body temperature very well ( always cold) and I couldn't enjoy the occassional splurge without gaining it back. So I found a weight I was happy with and decided that 5 pounds up or down was my boundary. Yeah – then I got married and let it go to hell!
    That being said…I think you shouldn't weigh yourself more than once a week and just get to a point where you can live and not feel deprived.
    If only I could get myself to do it! I keep telling myself that this move is my new starting point.

  3. gummibunny December 3, 2007 at 9:39 pm #

    That's awesome! I know what you mean about worrying about never being satisfied. There is no "magic number," and I know my post-prego body will never be like my pre-prego body no matter what the scale says. Things moved and stretched and that's just the way it is. But I'm very proud of you, and I hope you're proud of you too!

  4. the real ~Roxann~ December 4, 2007 at 11:11 am #

    Congratulations, Nikki!! My advice is….just remember it's a number (albeit, a good one!) but find a weight that "feels" good to you. Basically, judge how you feel in your clothes….and when you're comfy there…..the number won't matter!!!AND YES….OUR BODIES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME…..BUT THAT IS O.K.!!!!!!

  5. mom valles December 5, 2007 at 12:03 am #

    Nicole, I also did what you did about losing wieght after having kids. Just be glad you are at a healthy weight and enjoy your life. There will always be ups and downs in life even (especially!) with weight. You are a beautiful person in both body and soul, just remember that the people that love you see into your heart and soul. You need to see yourself that way too. But, after saying all that, YOU GO GIRL!

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