Things Not to Say to a Mom Who’s Going back to Work

30 Aug

The following comments all come with a hint of snootiness from Stay-At-Home Moms I’ve come to know around town.  They make it pretty clear that I’m no longer in their “club.”

“Oh, you’re putting the kids in child care?”

“I guess you just have to do what you have to do.”

“That drive is awful.  I hated it and my kids were always so exhausted when I picked them up from day care.”

“You’re thinking about that day care?  I’ve heard some unsettling things about that day care.” (FYI – We didn’t pick that day care.)

“My daughter didn’t like that After-School program.”

“You are going to hate it when it rains.  The drive is even worse when it rains.”

“You’re going to leave for work that early?”

“You’re going to get killed on gas prices.”

“Well, if you say it’s worth it.”

“You have to drive how far every day?”

“Wow.  That’s going to be a really long day for your kids.”

“I’m sure you are going to miss all that quality time you get to spend with Nate.”

As if I didn’t feel bad/guilty/unsure enough about going back to work. Thanks for pointing out the obvious and for the support.  It would be different if they said what they said because they were genuinely concerned.  They aren’t.  They say it as they look down their nose at me.  I try to tell myself that they would do the same thing if they were in our position and given this opportunity.  Of course, I’m sure they would disagree.


6 Responses to “Things Not to Say to a Mom Who’s Going back to Work”

  1. gummibunny August 30, 2008 at 2:47 pm #

    I'm sorry Nikki – that's really uncool of them. I wouldn't be surprised if some of them didn't feel a twinge of jealousy too because you're getting a chance at a really neat professional opportunity. If they can't support you right now, then they're not the kind of friends you need around. I'm proud of you, and I know a ton of other people who are too.

  2. Are You ZaZa? August 30, 2008 at 2:59 pm #

    Thanks Ginger. That's really all I need – the support of my family and friends. You said something that made me feel awesome and I'm holding on to that to help me through this. (That I'm a good mom and if this isn't what's best for our family I'll continue to be a good mom by fixing it.)

  3. Scoop August 30, 2008 at 4:35 pm #

    I know their comments hurt you, but Ginger is right and you have to do what is best for your family. I think Nate will enjoy having time with other kids his age and Nia will too.
    For some reason stay-at-home-moms and working moms have some sort of war instead of solidarity over their common struggle…a sense of individuality and achievement outside the home, while spending as much time with their kids as possible. We all want the perfect situation but since few have it we all secretly envy each other.
    I am proud of you and hope this position is a great fit. If not you'll find the right one from contacts you make at this one.

  4. mom valles August 31, 2008 at 7:25 pm #

    I know just how you feel!! People were always asking me if I felt bad about WASTING my education by not teaching school. Your other comments are right…there is a war between working moms and stay at home moms. When I stayed home, mothers were just getting the chance to work outside the home and they couldn't believe I was passing up the opportunity. Like I didn't have plenty of opportunities to teach my own children. I thought that the war would end, but I guess not. Just hang in there and do what you and Andrew think is best for your family. Nobody else is living your life but you.

  5. the real ~Roxann~ August 31, 2008 at 7:29 pm #

    Nik…. People are STUPID.. That's why your old boss, Big Daddy likes to say "Stupid people should not breed!" But, unfortunately, they still do.They sound like a bunch of judgemental old biddies!Just ignore their stupidity and move on with the excitement that comes with a fantastic new opportunity! I think it's a great opportunity. (and I suspect that Ginger is right about the jealousy thing) So…YOU GO GIRL!!!!! Break a leg!!!! 🙂

  6. TattooRN October 1, 2008 at 10:28 pm #

    I agree with Ginger on the jealousy thing…sorry this is coming so late. I am just catching up on the last month or so of your blog. I actually became angry at those moms for you.

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