A Driver Wishlist – For Safety and Sanity

8 Sep

Putting aside the obvious and perpetual wish of never getting into a serious accident, may you:

Conveniently and safely stall on the side of the road and not in the fast lane on the interstate.

Be quickly and miraculously aided by a passing tow truck so you don’t have to wait for an hour (plus) on that side of the road.

Never get a flat tire while moving.

Never have to change that flat tire yourself. (Unless you really, really like changing flat tires on the side of the road.)

Always have the driver behind you who’s keeping a safe distance and paying attention in the purse-just-spilled-all-over-floor sudden braking scares.

Always have more than a quarter tank of gas and quarters in your console to pay for that unexpected toll booth.

Never get passed on the right – in an on/off ramp – by a lunatic driver. If you do though, may you pull up next to that lunatic driver at the stop light to give him/her a thumbs up and a smile for getting real far.

Never encounter someone with more dangerous road rage than you. (Especially after triggering it with the action above.)

Have plenty of windshield wiper fluid to remove the biggest of bug guts or bird droppings that just splat in your line of sight.

Only be entertained with three constant, forgotten blinkers a week. The – are you coming over? Yes? No? I’m going to  get in front of you and signal to nowhere to help you get a clue – moments can be fun. I especially love when the driver signals left but then merges right. Fun times.

Never – ever – get behind a man spitting sunflower seed shells out of his truck window at 60 mph. It was like a germy BB gun. Blech.

Never experience the grossest coffee of your life with 50 minutes still left to drive on a five to seven lane interstate.

At least once – have a dragonfly happily dance around your car as you inch it mile by mile forward in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

Know the joys of driving barefoot. With one leg up on the seat. The windows down and no seeds, smoke or diesel smell ruining your fresh breeze. Oh yeah, and Madonna’s “Cherish” (or other happy song of choice) blasting from your car’s small speakers. And – of course – tasty coffee with a healthy side of all of the above.


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