Some days I can’t even believe these things are coming out of my mouth. What’s even more sanity damaging is how many times I have to say them to our 16-month-old boy – plus it’s not like he even understands.
“Get out of the doggy’s water bowl!” (After he’s already put his hands in the water and rubbed it on his face – bleh.)
“Don’t stand on that box/basket/toy! Danger!” (Said while he’s usually wobbling on a super flimsy thing he felt the need to stand on.)
“No hitting mommy!” (Painfully said after I’ve been slapped on the cheek or the leg.)
“Please stop turning on the bath tub water faucet!” (I cannot even begin to describe how annoying this is! He turns the water on full force then puts his hand in it so the water goes everywhere or if I’m not fast enough he’ll toss our scale in tub, drenching it.)
“No eating the crayon/barbie head/dog bone!” (Self-explanatory.)
“No calling China on mommy’s cell phone!” (Prying the cell phone from his tiny fingers requires great strength and determination.)
“Give me that soy sauce!” (The thing he ALWAYS grabs and puts to his lips when I open the fridge door. I keep telling him to lay off the sauce but he doesn’t listen to that either.)
Are You Zhazha? 
It must be a boy thing, because we have uttered some variation of all of those commands.
Some additional ones-
"Don't put your feet in the dirty diaper" (on the changing table)
"Tj that's daddy's, not yours" (Said to the boy while parading around with my laptop computer)
"Pet the dog, don't hit her" (a follow up is "Brandi don't growl at the baby")
I also forgot "Don't throw your ham and cheese at momma!"I agree about the foot in the poo one too! Agh!
What is up with the dog's water?!?! Ella was fingerpainting with it on the tile in the sunroom today. She has nearly mastered standing on the wheels of one of her push toys, thank god! I was getting nervous about that one.