When You’re a Wife and a Mom

21 Jun

I was recently thinking about all the funny things that happen to me now that I’m a wife and a mom.  Things that I probably wouldn’t have even considered doing before the kids or the hubby. I may make it sound like I’m complaining, I’m really not.  I treasure every gross, annoying, tiring and space-invading event that happens to me. For example, when you’re a wife and a mom:

  • Your body parts are no longer your own.  Andrew slaps my butt – now Nate slaps my butt. And, even though they are now closed for business, Nate still tries to reach down my shirt from time to time.  I feel so used.
  • Nothing is ever boring.
  • I no longer get grossed out when it comes to snot or boogers – even the really gooey ones.  I’ve watched Andrew blow his nose in the shower by holding one nostril to empty the other one.  I cannot rest until I’ve made sure every last yucky green guy is removed from Nia and Nate’s noses.  I will shove tissue after tissue up there and when that doesn’t work, I admit it, I pick their noses.  (Of course, making sure to let them know THEY are not allowed to pick their own noses.  What a good example I am, huh?)
  • I’m sure you’ve heard this one before but I can no longer go potty in private or in peace.  The kids follow me in most of the time and I’m forced to waddle off the toilet because I have to save the boy from falling over the bath tub or getting into the trash.  Even when the kids aren’t in there with me, the dog comes in and stares at me, breathing his warm, smelly breath in my direction.  It about drives me bonkers and I end up taking my frustration out on him.  I ask him, “Do you freakin’ mind?!?!”  He just keeps breathing on me.  Perv dog.
  • I cook breakfast, lunch and dinner almost every day.  Before married life, I pretty much only cooked some Ramen noodles or a tuna sandwich.  I was pretty much petrified to really cook a meal.  Now, I love it.  Especially when Andrew and the kids say “mmm.”  I never would have thought I would love cooking like this.  There is just something about it that makes me feel like I’m taking care of my family.
  • I’m at home during “talk show” time during the day and I don’t even get to enjoy it. I just feel bad watching tv when I should be reading to the kids or playing with them or taking care of house stuff.  Besides, who really wants to watch Ellen dance anyway?  Well, actually I do. I’ve tried recording the show but it’s just not the same.  There’s just something about watching a talk show in the middle of the day that makes it even better.  I can’t really explain it…I guess that’s why they’re scheduled to air then right?
  • You remember which sock is missing its partner.  It doesn’t matter whose sock it is.  If I see a pink ruffled sock at the bottom of the hamper, I say “there it is!” because I remember I washed a pink ruffled sock last week and couldn’t find its match.
  • It’s really hard to diet when you’re constantly surrounded by delicious food you’re not supposed to eat.  Cheese puffs, fudge-striped cookies, ice cream, frozen chicken nuggets with ranch dressing, french fries…

I could keep going but those are probably the best examples.  I wouldn’t trade in my titles for the all the peace and quiet and sanity in the world.  I feel so blessed and loved every day and it is because I’m a wife and a mom.  Thanks fam!

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One Response to “When You’re a Wife and a Mom”

  1. the real ~Roxann~ June 22, 2007 at 11:52 pm #

    With this post, all you need is a picture of yourself, some gorgeous paper, a pen to write your journaling out and a scrapbook to put it all in! And you would have finished your first page in your book!!!!Consider doing it! I bet you'd love it!

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