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But He Loves Me

16 Sep

He is Caleb. He’s been her buddy since Kindergarten. He seems like a nice, young man. He makes her laugh. He asks her if she’s ok when she cries. Caleb.

I never would’ve found out that Nia and Caleb had moved from like to love (that’s what she tells me – that she loves him and he loves her) if it wasn’t for her trying to quickly get the “I love Nia” note from her backpack. She didn’t want to show me at first because she thought I was going to be concerned. When I told her it was ok, she allowed me into her love life and handed me the note, grinning. I told her it was sweet and that it was cute that he gave her a note. I also told her that I hoped they would still be friends even when he doesn’t write her notes anymore. She said, “But he will, momma. He loves me.”

Sweet girl, I’m sure he does. I’m sure he does.

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Homework Helper Needs Help

11 Sep

If I had to grade myself on how well I help Nia with her homework, I would give myself a C.

It’s funny because I never really minded homework as a student. I followed the directions, showed my work, wrote complete sentences and studied. I did OK+ in school. My parents could’ve had one of those honor roll bumper stickers that some people love to hate. I graduated in the top 20 of my high school class and magna cum laude at college. None of that matters though when you’re book smart. Everything I learned, I learned for the test. After the test, my brain couldn’t retrieve the info that helped me get smiley faces and A’s. It’s like it all got pushed out of my head to make way for useless movie and music knowledge.

Because I managed to wing it and get laughed at for being flighty, I was never really concerned about the missing parts of my mind. It wasn’t until I had to start helping Nia with her homework that I realized it was going to be an issue.

I’m so lucky she has a super smart brain in her pretty, Second Grade head. As I’m trying to help her, she usually tells me how to figure it out or explains the directions to me. What’s even worse is when her homework – that I helped with – comes back with the teacher’s red pen marks on it. I feel like I failed or let her down. When I quiz her on spelling words, she gets impatient waiting for me and starts writing the words off her memory. One recent homework hurdle goes something like this:

Me: The next word is where, I mean were, I mean we’re, I mean…
Nia: Momma! It’s where!
Me: Well, you have the word were on here too.
Nia: I know but where comes next. Which one do you want me to spell?
Me: What do you have written so far?
Nia: W.

Oh, Sweets, we have a long homework history to battle through ahead of us. I’m sure you will be teaching me a thing or hundred. I’m also very grateful for the genius brain I married. Andrew always knows the answer and jokingly advises Nia after hearing me try to explain something, “Yeah. Um. Nia, maybe we shouldn’t ask mommy questions about science.”

Fail.

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Sick Days

28 Aug

Nate recently had a run-in with some germs. The germs were unwelcome but the sick days together were not. I cherish the time we got to spend together and the memories that were made.

  • I learned that while many kids say boy and boat starts with the letter B, Nate prefers to use baseball teams to learn his sounds and letters. “Braves and Brewers start with B!”
  • Nate is perfectly content watching baseball highlights on “Quick Pitch” over and over again – even if it’s repeats. I actually think he likes it more because he feels proud knowing what’s going to happen.
  • Even when he’s sick, he tries to act out baseball. I told him he wasn’t allowed to run so he walked. Then, I noticed he wasn’t in the living room and that his bedroom door was closed. When I opened it, I found him with his Braves hat and glove on, lying on his belly with his gloved arm stretched out like he just dove to catch a ball. He looked so guilty and hilarious.
  • The boy can play the board game “Memory” continually. He is awesome at it. A champion. (And I am trying to win.)
  • He is such a comforting cuddler.

Sicky, Sleepy Boy

I’m glad Na-Nate is feeling better and hated he was sick but I also can’t help be a little thankful for the precious time we spent together.

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No Crayola? Not Cool.

27 Jul

The season of school supply shopping is here. The kids start back to school in less than a week so we were forced to deal with side-by-side shoppers sifting through the special displays, slim pickings and deciphering the supply lists from the teachers. (I usually end up with one or two things that I can never match to their lists.)

This year, I had more on my mind than just successfully checking off the list in one trip. I started to think about whether Nia will be judged by other kids based off what folder, notebook or brand name crayon she had in her desk. Yes. I worry about a lot of stuff, a lot.

She wanted (and got) a Barbie folder. I couldn’t help but wonder, is that ok for a second grader to sport? I don’t know what’s cool and even if I did, should it matter? I know it shouldn’t but I also want to eliminate as many obstacles as possible from her new school year. I remember things like brand name clothes and sneakers being status symbols when I was in school. Even if you’re decked out in some GAP, Hollister or whatever’s cool these days, I tend to believe the in-crowd kids will still find something to pick on others about. I guess that’s more of a reason not to care. Andrew actually had the opposite concern, he was worried her Barbie/fancy school loot would make other children feel bad because they want horses and cats to hold their homework as well.

Just to be safe, I grabbed some plain purple folders too.

Cool Enough/Too Cool for School?

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“Mini-Me”

22 Jul

Many kids look like one of their parents. Resemblance among family members is a pretty common thing. You hear things like, “You have your mother’s smile.” “… your dad’s ears.” “… your grandpa’s balding pattern.” What Nia hears is a little different.

Strangers sometimes act floored when they see us together. One of our CVS clerks can’t get enough of how much we look alike. When Nia isn’t with me at the store, the clerk asks where my “mini-me” is and then proceeds to announce to her coworkers, “her little girl looks JUST like her!”

Sure, I can see a resemblance but I also see her. I see Nia. Not me. She is uniquely and adorably herself and it’s hard for me to believe I could be as precious. When she hears, “You look just like your momma,” what does she feel? Right now, probably nothing. But what about when she gets older? What if she grows to resent it?

I also never know how to react to people’s reactions. I respond politely. I thank them. Tell them my genes beat my husband’s. Smile. Then, I turn to Nia and say, “You look like you. Don’t you Sweets?” Beautiful, beautiful Bean.

Mommy & Bean

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Ninja Warrior In-Training

18 Jul

Apparently, I missed the parenting memo that said it’s ok to scale the furniture if your son is “being a Ninja Warrior.” (It’s an obstacle course tv show that Nate watches with Andrew.)

I caught Nate climbing over the back of the couch tonight and quickly corrected him. He replied, “But I’m being a Ninja Warrior, mommy.” His daddy thought his feat and response to me should be praised. Andrew gave a big laugh and told Nate, “I love you buddy. You know that? I love you.”

Yes. It was beyond precious. It stole my heart. I’m just afraid of what’s in store for Nate’s safety, the furniture and how far the training will go.

Scaling the house is off-limits.

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I used to write a sex column…

17 Jul

so why am I such a prude and conservative when it comes to certain things? Those things all involve the upbringing of children in the areas of sex and violence.

Let’s start with what sells – sex. It’s fantastic, right? Talking about it, thinking about it, watching it, having it. Great stuff, that sex. I just am finding it difficult to deal with how even the most common children’s cartoons demonstrate sexual attraction. What Nate is learning by watching these cartoons is that when he sees a pretty lady he’s supposed to call her hot, whistle, pop his eyes out of his head, make that arooga noise and pant. I know male cartoon characters have been portrayed like that since before our parents were kids but I find it, well, STUPID. I can tell Nate, it’s not the best idea to act that way when you see a beautiful girl but if popular culture says it’s ok, does my small voice matter?

The same is true for violence or how anger is handled on tv, movies, music or even during a skit at a baseball game. Someone make you mad? Give ’em a knuckle sandwich, push them down, kick ’em where it counts, play a nasty trick on them and call them names the whole time. I counter with a, “That’s not nice, is it? Here’s what you should do instead…” But again, how long will my voice win over what they continually see as acceptable behavior? Heck, sometimes the fighting is cheered. Yay! Go get ’em!

I find myself even having to correct commercials now. For example, it’s not nice to stick your tongue out at people. Right? This mom says so and it took some time for us to get that through to Nate. When we finally did, what do we see? A mini-van commercial where a little boy outsmarts some other kids then sticks his tongue out at them. That little tongue-sticker-outer is the “good” kid. Great.

It is my responsibility to raise my children to the best of my ability. I take that on wholeheartedly. I do not expect movies, cartoons, commercials or songs to teach my children proper behavior and I don’t want to shelter my children from them. I just wish they didn’t contradict me all the time. I guess my cartoon would be pretty boring.

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I Know a Mom

9 May

I know a mom who loves her children more than herself. She kisses their boo-boos and rocks them (and sometimes herself) to sleep. She usually ends up on the other end of projectile yuck but she does what is necessary, cleaning up the mess while letting her child know it’s going to be ok. She takes the time to play games with them, color with them and read them books. She tells them how to spell “love” and answers their questions that she isn’t even sure she knows the answers to.

I know a mom who does it alone. She plays the part of mommy and daddy, working to pay the bills while loving and caring to make sure her child knows he is supported and cherished. She goes without to give her child what he needs and wishes for – new shoes, sports dues, the latest gadget his friends have. She wears his sports picture button proudly on her purse.

I know a mom who has a child who suffers and struggles with an illness or special need. Her child is not able to do the same kinds of things other children do. She constantly worries about her. She stays up at night to comfort her angel through a difficult time and then manages to get through the day doing everything she needs to do for her family. She often feels helpless that she can’t make it all better but she is strong, patient and resolved to do all she can.

I know a mom who works all day away from home. When she is home she cares for her family while trying to care for herself – planning out their clothes, their meals, their activities. Making sure they have everything they need to be ok during the day while they are apart. She wishes she could be home a little sooner each day but she makes the most of their time together.

I know a mom who takes “staying-at-home” to a whole new level. She balances it all (and sometimes more) and takes pride in all she does for her family. She loves every second she gets to spend with her children and never tires of the routine of things. To her, it’s not a job – she wouldn’t have it any other way.

I know a mom who isn’t sure what she’s doing half the time and isn’t afraid to admit it. She loves her children with all her heart and tries to be the best mom she can be. She is a good mom. A great mom. An all-of-the-above mom.

Thank you moms. You are remarkable, beautiful, respected, inspiring and loved. Happy Mother’s Day.
 

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Livin’ for Friday – Already?

12 Mar

Working for the weekend, it’s such a common thing: Is it Friday yet? It’s almost Friday. Just two more days until Friday! Don’t worry about your bad day – it’s Friday! T.G.I.F.!

There’s really no harm in it. What’s so wrong with looking forward to the day before your days off? Can you remember when you first started cheering for it? It seems it starts younger than I thought/remember.

The kids are already being trained to have those same feelings. If Nate gets through the week with good behavior, he gets to bring something for show and tell on Friday. Friday is shop at the junk “store” day in Nia’s class. Friday is no homework day. Friday is stay up late(r) day.

I can’t really explain why (and it’s not a major deal) but it made me feel a little sad for them. I just want them to grow up looking forward to each new day. Not just the end of many days.

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Lip Glossaholic

2 Mar

It all started a few years ago. A small dab and that was it. She was hooked.

There ought to be a warning label on those tiny tubes of tasty temptation. “Warning: Once you smooth this on your lips, your mouth will never be the same. (Smaller print: Especially dangerous when given to young girls. Has been known to turn some girls into clown faces, pouters and pickpockets.)

I want some lip glohosssss!

Please mommy. Please can I have some lip glass?

Pickpocket

Success!

This is not our first experience with the power of the flavored lip gloss. I’m more than happy to share my stash with her – if I have any left to offer.

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