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Confessions of a Crazy Mom

21 Oct

There are points during the day when I know I must look a lunatic.  I know I feel like one.

  • When I’m trying to hold Nate as he’s fighting to get away from me – sometimes he ends up pulling down my shirt so far that I give a show (it really happened at the Georgia Aquarium!), other times he tries to climb up my stomach – either way I feel like I’m so out of control and must look ridiculous.
  • When I’m trying to get Nia ready for school – I can’t even guess how many times I have to tell her to get moving in the morning – get on the potty – get dressed – start eating – I feel like I’m such a freak saying it over and over again.  We usually wake up with plenty of time for her dilly-dalliness but we’re usually rushing to leave the house because she just doesn’t do what she’s supposed to do when she’s supposed to do it.
  • When I’m trying to cook dinner – this is when Nate stands at my legs, screaming at me, pushing me around the kitchen.
  • When I’m trying to read a magazine/do bills/think for a second!  – Our little talker (Nia) will not give me a moment of silence!
  • When I’m trying to figure out directions in the car – same thing with the talker – she just keeps going and going and going.  She also constantly asks questions that she knows the answers to!  This drives me especially bonkers.  The other day she asked, “Momma, what does R start with?”  I know you might think that’s an innocent question by a little kid, but it came after several other questions like, “Why are we in the car?” and “What is Nate’s name?”
  • When I’m trying to break up a fight between Nia and Nate – Nia completely freaks out and is impossible to calm down.  I feel like a total crazy mom because I have to rip them apart and scream at them to stop it.
  • When I’m trying to keep Nate from climbing things or taking a dive off of things – he just will not stop – he keeps going back to whatever it is I’m trying to keep him from – it just gets so tiring and frustrating.
  • When I’m trying to get Nate to stop soaking the entire bathroom while splashing like a crazy man in the tub – more water ends up outside the tub and drenches me.
  • Anytime between 4:30 pm and 6:00 pm – I don’t know what it is about that time of the day – it’s like the kids are especially cranky or something and I’m exhausted so it’s just a bad combo.  This is when it’s White Russian time!

There are many other situations that make me feel like a looney but my brain hurts after thinking of all of those!  I’ve been wanting to write this out for a few days now but just didn’t want to put myself through it!

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Keeping Up with the Milestones

19 Oct

Sure, I see the good in Nate accomplishing something new.  I rejoice in it for a few seconds as I watch him tackle something he’s never done before – but then those seconds quickly pass and the smile of delight turns to a smile of fear as I think about what this new “thing” is going to mean for me.

How selfish right?  Well, I can’t help it.  When you’re already continually telling the little man to stop standing on the tall chairs, stop turning on the bathtub faucet while I’m trying to dry my hair, stop diving off the couch without any pillows on the floor, stop standing on the gate that’s keeping you from falling down the stairs…  I just had all of those constants kind of under control (I mean, as far as keeping my sanity while having to worry about the usual dangerous stuff he’s up to).  Now though, I have to add him climbing into the crib and flipping over the top of it and him opening doors to the list.

The door thing is pretty manageable because we have those baby proof door knob covers and locks on the doors – it’s just Nia can’t open them and one of the doors that has to be secured is for her bathroom.  Now, every time she has to make a quick run for the potty she needs to scream for me and I have to drop whatever it is I’m doing to get the little key and unlock the door.

What’s so sweet about the whole door opening thing is that he is still so tiny.  He has to stand on his tiptoes and kind of turn the knob back and forth until he finally turns it just enough so it opens.  The first time he did it Nia and I were in her room and all of a sudden – there’s Nate busting in!  He was laughing and we were screaming and scrambling to pick up all her little toys – it was a really fun moment but like I said – soon after it passed I began to think of a way to keep this new thing from being more stress for me.  We’ll see – if it’s not that it will be something else!  I mean, wait until he can open the gate to the stairs!  Then, I’ll really be running around!
 

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I’m Blaming Disney…

11 Oct

(Even though I know, ultimately, it’s my fault since I’m the one who pushed the princesses on her for these past few years.)

Nia has a crush at school.  His name is Colin and she says he has a nice haircut and is cute.

WHAT?!?!?

ALREADY?!?!

Part of me thinks it’s adorable but the other part of me wants to shelter her from knowing all the hurt that comes out of crushes and young love.  This shouldn’t be starting so soon!  I had at least waited until I was in the first grade before I smooched my crush on his ear after saying to him, “I have to tell you a secret.”  Pretty sly, huh?

It just seems that 4-years-old is too young to even be noticing that someone is cute!  What makes the whole thing even worse is that she told me Colin doesn’t really play with her.  She says it’s because he plays with other girls that he thinks are prettier.  !!!!!!!  She told me that he liked her long hair better.  !!!!!!!!!!   Now, I don’t know how much of this I can believe since she says he never actually told her those things.  She’s, like, just assuming them or something but still!  The fact that she even knows to say something like “the other girls are prettier” – how heartbreaking is that?

I guess it has begun and there’s nothing we can do about it.  I just don’t think I can handle my baby girl feeling bad because of some boy (or anything for that matter).  Not now or when it’s really going to hurt.  I know it’s all a part of growing up and we all went through it – it’s just different when it’s happening to the people you want to protect the most.

 

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A Funeral, Family and a 3 Day Trip

3 Oct

We’re home.  The funeral service was beautiful and sad (Andrew’s dad gave the eulogy) and so many people came to say goodbye to Grandma over the two days she was shown – she was such a social butterfly and touched many lives with her personality.  I just wish she could have seen the kids one last time.

Speaking of the kids, Nia was a sweetie during it all.  There were 3 different showings over two days and then the funeral on the third day and she was so awesomely behaved I couldn’t believe it!  I mean, the whole thing is hard on us grown ups so I thought for sure it would be terrible for her – especially since she was pretty sleep deprived.  She told us she touched Grandma’s hand and that it wasn’t soft like it used to be and that she was very careful when she touched it.  She said it was her way of showing Grandma that she loved her.  How in the world does a 4 year old know that?  I asked her if anyone told her that and she said no.  She also told me that Grandma will wake up when Jesus comes to get her.  Amazing.  All I can do sometimes is look at her in shock.  She even did great in the car.  Sleeping for much of the way and never complaining.  She’s our angel.

As for Nate – well, he had his moments. Looking back on it, he was as well behaved as I could have hoped.  At the time though, it felt like I was running in circles.  The car rides and being quiet at the funeral service were hard things for him.  I had to take him outside for much of it.  Part of me felt sad that I didn’t get to properly mourn but then I thought that might be a good thing too.  He helped me keep my mind of the sadness of death and instead focus on the beauty and happiness of life.  That little boy – he might actually be an angel in disguise.

While the trip home was for Grandma’s funeral –  it did give us a chance to see family we haven’t seen in a really long time.  I’m so happy that my sister drove in from Ohio.  Even though we didn’t get to spend a ton of time together – it was so wonderful to see her and my nieces.  I needed a family fix.  I’m so thankful she came home and I can’t wait to see her, my brother-in-law (who was missed!) and the girls again soon!  We also got to see Andrew’s cousins that we haven’t seen since our wedding.  One of them is now getting married and she wants Nia to be a flower girl!  I’m so excited!

Other than all of that – here’s a few other things to note about our trip-

  • Spending 20 hours in the car within 3 days with two kids
  • 1 screaming baby boy who made sure we all knew how miserable he was being stuck in his car seat for those 20 hours. (We only really made one pit stop each way because we were driving through the night and if we let him out of the seat too many times – he wouldn’t want to get back in.)
  • Too many tears to count – crying over Grandma’s death, crying over struggling with the boy, crying over missing family
  • 1 strong White Russian that made me pass out in the chair of my living room while watching tv with my sister and devouring a bag full of those cheddar sour cream chips (not one of my best moments during the trip).
  • Tons of smiles and laughs watching the kids play with their cousins/Aunt/Uncles/Grandparents (my niece Gabbie and Nia had found some foot cushions at my house and had them on their faces!  Then they grabbed my mom’s shoes and purses and said they were “going to the doctor.”  Too cute!)
  • Several bittersweet reunions – we got to see family and people we haven’t seen in super a long time but it feels weird being happy to see them when your loved one is in the next room being mourned.
  • 1 warning from the West Virginia State Police for going 10 over the speed limit.  Andrew is like the luckiest person when it comes to tickets.  He always knows what to say – somehow he only spoke maybe 5 sentences to the officer but he managed to slip in “grandma’s funeral,” “used to be in the Army,” “when I was deployed to Iraq” and an appropriate amount of “sirs.”  Hey…he gave it a shot and it paid off!  I know it wouldn’t have worked for me!
  • Laughing hysterically at the boy and Andrew on the way home from WV.  Nate would go from screaming like a madman to calm just by Andrew saying very smoothly to him, “Nate, okay, okaaayyyy?”  Nate would say very softly back, “kay.”  I don’t know what it was but it was so funny!  Andrew had just asked him, “Nate, where’s your blankey?” to which Nate would scream, “NO!”  Andrew, “Where’s your thumb?”  Nate, “NO!”  Andrew, “Nate, okay, okaaayyy?”  Nate, “kay.”

Well, that’s it for now, okay?  Kay.
 

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Country Roads Take Me Home…

28 Sep

Sadly though, they will not be taking us home for a fun family visit.  They’ll be taking us home for a funeral.  Andrew’s grandma passed away yesterday.  She was 89 years old and had been suffering with her health for awhile now.  We were hoping to get to go see her next weekend but God wanted to see her first.  She really needed to be at peace and without pain and now she is.  It’s just so sad to know she’s gone.

I did get to talk to her on the phone the day before she died.  She got to hear Nia and Nate’s voices and I know that made her happy.  I heard her try to say “Oh, the baby” when Nate talked to her.  She would call Nate, “Cloney” because – although she couldn’t see – she knew he looked just like Andrew.  She loved her smallest family members so very much.  I think she felt good knowing she was leaving such beautiful pieces of her behind.  If it wasn’t for her, our family wouldn’t be here today.

She was the feistiest little Italian lady. She would tell you like it is (sometimes very bluntly and humorously) and I can only hope to live a life as full and blessed as hers.

She will always be in our hearts.
 

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Messy Milestone

27 Sep

You’d think I’d learn.  I’ve done much better in the past – why did I let this time get the best of me?  All I had to do was put him down or face him away from me – I almost made it to the sink – but no – I froze.

It’s so weird how parents can sense when their children are about to erupt from the mouth.  Nate had been fine all day.  Playing, eating and drinking like usual when all of a sudden he started to whine and kind of squirm in his seat (he had just finished lunch).  I immediately freed him from his booster, hugged him and began slowing walking over to the kitchen sink.  (The closest, non-carpeted place I could think of.)  I was only inches away when my brain said, “Don’t awkwardly hang him over the sink – this is the first time he’s ever thrown up (besides baby spit up) – you need to just hold him.  He’s scared.”  So I sacrificed my body for the sake of my baby’s feelings.  Well, the first time anyway!

I don’t know why I decided it was time to hold him over the sink for the second round – he and I were already covered in the yuck.  Oh well. I shouldn’t have strayed from my past responses of “get to the nearest sink/toilet/bathtub/thing that washes easily.”

Poor baby.  I don’t know why he got sick.  He doesn’t have a fever or anything.  After it seemed like we were in the clear and no more yuck was coming up, I gave him a bath and as the water was draining he laid on his belly with his one cheek pressed against the tub.  He looked exhausted.  I just hope he got it all out of him.  He’s napping now but I’m still worried I’ll hear him crying at any second.

It’s such a sad sight – to see a small child sick like that.  I mean, it’s awful for adults – I can’t even imagine what it’s like for the little sweeties. They don’t understand what’s happening and it’s just so nasty – all we can do is try to stay calm and help soothe them through it – even if it scares us (or gags us) too.

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Where Did Bean Go?

24 Sep

It seems like she was just here and now I only get a glimpse of her every so often.  Our precious Bean is growing up so quickly and it wasn’t until I looked at her baby pictures and videos that I truly realized how much she’s becoming a little person.

She’s so funny.  I can’t believe how goofy she is sometimes.  She cracks me up with the crazy faces she makes.  I’m so thankful for a goofball daughter.  I can be so exhausted at the end of the day – just going through the motions – when all of sudden she starts doing a silly little dance.  It makes both of us laugh out loud.  It is the best thing.

She’s so sweet and caring.  If you look sad or mad she will ask you why are feeling that way.  If Nate is crying she will make her voice high pitched and say, “It’s okay Nathan.  Nathan, you’re all right.”  If I’m in a bad mood she will tell me, “I love you Momma.  I think you are the best Momma – even when you are mad.”  She also always thinks of Nate.  If we go shopping without Nate or Andrew, she will pick out a toy/book for Nate or if she sees something he will like she will tell me we need to get it for him.

She’s so smart.  She amazes me every day.  She can write really well and I can’t believe how good she can color.  She stays in the lines and for the most part keeps her crayon moving the same way so her pictures are always so neat and perfect!  She’s also starting to figure out math.  She will hold her fingers up and say things like 2 and 2 makes 4 and she also can subtract too!  I’m not sure what a typical 4-year-old is supposed to know or anything but it just seems like she’s a brainiac to me!  (And I’m not just saying it because she’s my kid – I already know I won’t be saying this about Nate when he’s 4!  I hope he proves me wrong though!)

She is such a jabber-jaws.  She talks ALL the time.  One day I asked if she talked like that while she was at school.  She said yes but that she wasn’t the only one who did.  She said her teacher sometimes has to turn out the lights to get them all to be quiet.  Her teacher told me, “they’re 4 – that’s the way it is when they’re 4.”  For some reason though, I don’t think Nia – the non-stop talker – will just be silenced when she turns 5 or 6 or 7 or 8…  I mean, look at who her mother is!

She’s already watching “big kid” movies.  Andrew was watching the “Lord of the Rings” a few weeks ago and she started watching it with him!  I objected but she begged to watch it. Andrew said he would watch the trilogy with her and she LOVED it.  I cannot believe it didn’t scare her!  (I know it did me!) We kept telling her it was all pretend and that the good guys win but I was still worried it would traumatize her.  If anything, it hypnotized her.  She says she liked “the guy with the curly hair” (Aragon) and “the elf with the arrows” (Legolas) the best because they were nice.  She keeps asking to watch more “Lord of the Rings” and doesn’t believe us when we tell her it’s all over.  It’s just so neat to think of all the cool movies I’ll be able to watch with her now.  So far, we’ve watched, “The Wizard of Oz,” “Charlotte’s Web” and “The Neverending Story.”  “Lord of the Rings” is her favorite though. I’m hoping she’ll like my main wizard “Harry” too.  We’ll see as the story of Nia growing up continues..

 

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The GPS made me do it…

18 Sep

The other day Andrew let me borrow his GPS thinger-ma-jig so it could “guide” me to a doctor’s office in Athens.  I had used it once before – to take my mom to the Atlanta airport – but I am no where near comfortable with aimlessly following it’s directions.  (That airport trip was especially nerve-wracking but more because of all the traffic!)

I’ve witnessed how it can lead you astray from time to time but Andrew will defend it until the end.  One time we asked it to find us a Kroger.  We obeyed its commands until it said “Arriving at Kroger on right.”  Um.  No.  Nope.  No Kroger there. “That’s just because I need to update its mapping software,” he argued, “It probably was here at one time.”

Besides an occasional “software” issue, it’s really just the idea of putting all my trust in a little box with a voice that sometimes sounds condescending and irritated if we accidentally go off the course.  “Recalculating.”  “Continue .5 miles then make a u-turn.”  “Make a u-turn.” “Recalculating.”

She had to “recalculate” several times with me on the day I took her along to the doctor’s.  For the most part, I did ok because I had a general idea of where I was going. It was on the way home that I had to turn around after misunderstanding her instructions.  Fortunately for me, she really didn’t let me down.  Turns out, the place were I had to turn around just happened to be where Starbucks is.

I called Andrew from the drive-thru and told him – “The GPS made me do it.”  I mean, come on – she led me right to my drinky!  After that, I didn’t care if she got me lost or scolded me – I will never doubt her again!
 

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Busted!

17 Sep

At first I thought it would just be our little secret.  Nia would never have to know that Nate and I entered her sanctuary while she was at school.  He just gets so happy when the door is left open so he can run in and look wide-eyed at everything he never gets to play with – then go to town with a huge smile on his face.  I thought, if I just put all the toys he’s enjoying back before we go to pick her up, she’ll never know that her precious princess room had been invaded. How could I forget that Nia is very special and has a genius brain and awesome memory?

We were only back in the house for like 5 minutes when she walked over to me holding a ball and had a look on her face like she knew something was fishy.

“Momma.  Why is this ball out of my room?”

BUSTED!  I smile at her not really knowing what to say.  Should I lie?  “I don’t know why that’s out of your room.  How would I know how it got out of your room?”  Should I fall on the floor and beg for forgiveness for allowing her little brother – the one she always slams the door on as she scurries off in her room – to touch all the toys that she freaks out when he has?  WHAT?  First of all, what kind of example would I be if I lied to my child?  (Plus, I can’t lie for my life.) Second, she’s 4!  Why in the world am I worried that a 4-year-old will be mad at me?  Who’s the adult here?  What’s my deal?

I look at her and smile and say, “Nate brought it out here.”

“How did Nate get it?”
“I let him in your room while I was putting your clean clothes away.”  (NOT A LIE – This is the true reason why we were in there in the first place – I just thought it would be a shame to kick him out after I was finished – he was having so much fun!)
“Mommmmmaaaaa” she says with her head to the side and a look of disappointment on her face.

Phew.  I got away with it this time!  I’ll have to be more careful next time!

 

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It’s Just Sad to Me

17 Sep

Let me start by saying, I really do not like to judge/question other parents.  I mean, who am I to say someone is a bad parent?   For the most part, as long as you love your child, do the best you can to provide for them and genuinely care about their well-being than who am I to criticize you for not washing their crib sheets enough or for letting them drink a soda?  I do things wrong all the time when it comes to this parenting thing but I want to believe that as long as I keep trying to do my best to keep them secure, happy and healthy that I’m doing ok.

That being said – here’s what’s “just sad to me.”  Last week, I went to the urgent care because I thought I caught what the kids had.  As I was waiting, two women came in and they had four children with them.  One was around Nate’s age and was dressed in her nightgown (she was the sicky one), another two little girls seemed to be around 3 or 4 years old and they each were wearing a t-shirt and their britches.  Nothing else.  No pants, no shoes, no socks.  Just their shirts and their underwear.

I try to think why the women would bring them in like that.  Maybe they spilled their juice in the car on the way here and it soaked their pants, socks and shoes.  Maybe they can’t afford pants, socks, shoes.  (But the other child – an older boy – has pants, socks and shoes on – why don’t they?)  I try to think of all the practical reasons I could as to what would ever make me take Nia out in public like that.  I really couldn’t.  Because if I was in the exact situation, I would have one of the women stay in the car with the girls.

Ok fine – so I questioned them on that but that actually wasn’t the worst of it.  As I was going to leave, the little girls were running willy-nilly across the busy parking lot.  Oh yeah – did I mention it was raining too?  No shoes, no pants, rain and cars.  How could I ever find a reason this would be acceptable/understandable?  I know kids will be kids but it wasn’t like the woman with them was even trying to keep them safe.

I did say to myself – at least they brought the sick little girl to the doctor.  That shows they care, right?

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