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Where I’m Coming From

26 Mar

I have a lot of time for deep thoughts and imagination adventures during my usual two hours (plus) a day in the car driving to work and home. I think about the people I see carpooling. Do they like each other? Do they talk or listen to music? Maybe he has a crush on the girl passenger.

Often, I spend it creating what-if scenarios in my head. Here are just a few of them:

  • What if a person driving an Obama bumper sticker-covered car and a person driving a McCain/Palin bumper sticker-covered car crashed? Would they be less forgiving? Would they immediately jump to insults? Stereotypical thought? Would it matter?
  • What if I was standing in line with these people I’m in traffic with? Would I yell at them to move when the line moved up like people honk their horns when the light turns green? Or would that guy cutting everyone off, zigzagging through traffic, do that face-to-face?
  • What if they could know that I didn’t get around them only because they were driving too slow but more because I don’t like to be behind vehicles that are larger than mine? Would they be less likely to flip me the bird?

I also like to think about how we don’t know where anyone is coming from or where they’re going. They may be speeding by you because a family member is sick. That slow driver may have been on the road for an hour longer than you after a trying day. Maybe they just heard sad news. Maybe they don’t have anywhere to be. No hurry for them. Maybe they’re late for a special event. Not trying to be jerks or idiots like many (me too) often throw out at them, they just are traveling on the road they have before them. Like everyone around them.

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Bully Kryptonite

11 Mar

Does it even exist? A way for kids to render bullies powerless? To deal with/stay safe from their hurtful words/actions? Some options that come to my mind include:

  1. Ignore them
  2. Don’t let them get to you/see you upset
  3. Tell them to leave you alone/stop it
  4. Tell on them
  5. Kill ’em with kindness
  6. Fight fire with fire
  7. All of the above
  8. None of the above

Nia has tried really all but number 6. Fortunately for her, she is not being bullied as severely as many kids (my heart breaks for them) but the bullies she does encounter still make her upset and cause her stress.

Nia tells us that one girl continually scratches her and won’t leave her alone, constantly saying mean things. Another girl, Nia says, told her, “I wish you were a bug so that I could step on you a million times.”

What?! It’s just so hard to tell her how to handle it because she’s still so young and still trying to figure social interactions out. Plus, she’s often shy and very small for her age so others have always pushed her around more and targeted her. The kids seem unphased by all her peaceful kryptonite attempts so I’m left thinking number 6 from the list above may need to be used. But I don’t even want to tell her that option. It’s just so difficult when you try to raise your children to do what’s right and treat others kindly and then other kids get away with tormenting and mistreating. I often try to understand what’s going on in a child’s life to make them act in such a hurtful way. I suppose I live too much in the movies. Where there just has to be a happy ending where eventually the bully and the bullied become friends and walk off the playground arm-in-arm. Fist bump?

Yeah. Back to reality. I looked online for advice on how to at least help ease some of the fret Nia has and I found a few articles like this one and this one. She said it was a much better day when she didn’t speak to one of the girls. I know they can’t all be drama-free days but if she’s happy when I pick her up from afterschool, maybe a small piece of the kryptonite is working?

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Priority Check

3 Mar

This blog post is a slap in the face for myself. Well, maybe more of a glass of cold water in my face. Less painful but still serves the purpose – I need to reset my priorities.

Far too often, I lose sight of what really matters. I start worrying about superficial things. Things out of my control. I obsess about something someone said. Whether something bad is going to happen. I spend too much time and energy focusing on inanimate objects. My car needs washed. The shower needs scrubbed. The to-do list grows. I forgot to pay a bill. Those pieces of paper with post-its that I get at work…

Water. Face.

I’m not saying that I shouldn’t care about those things – I just need to take my care level down a notch or 20. I need to remember what matters most. As a toddler Nia would say, “My peoples.” Family. Friends. I think of them and the rest is tamed with a more relaxed mind and heart.

Towel for my face, please. That’s better.

 

 

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Valentine Views

15 Feb
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Nia's Pile of Sweet Sayings

I can’t believe I’m just now realizing how Valentine’s Day brings out some interesting opinions and reactions in people – even at a young age. There are those who are anti-“Hallmark” holiday. Those who do just enough to swoon their significant other. Those who may go overboard. And those who are encouraged to participate. I suppose that last category can apply to adults too but I’m thinking about it more related to kids.

Like many young kids, both Nia and Nate had valentine exchanges at school. They were given a list of all the children in their class to make sure no one was left out. I always enjoyed doing these exchanges as a kid and remember all the fun and creativity that went into the boxes for collecting the treasures. I remember how extravagant some of the boxes were. I have a memory of one child’s being not a box at all but a mini-Love Boat. (Mine was always a shoe box covered in construction paper with hand-drawn crooked hearts and predictable love messages on it.)

They don’t ask us to create boxes like that now – just have the kids write out their card of choice to all the other children. Some people add to that with candy, scrapbook-type elegance or even individual goody bags. Others don’t give any valentine at all. It made me wonder if their parents just didn’t take the time to do it with them or maybe they can’t afford such a treat-type thing or maybe the child/parent just didn’t want to buy into the “Hallmark” holiday. Whatever the reason, for future V-Days, I plan to donate a few boxes of blank cards to the classroom so that all kids can participate if they’d like. After all, soon enough the exchange won’t be mandated so that even the little mean Johnny/Suzy gets a Be Mine card. It will be more strategic. Where only a someone special is wished Be Mine. Picking and choosing a Valentine. What age does that start?

It seems Nia is already creeping toward that. While writing hers out, she was so concerned about running out of the standard “Happy Valentine’s Day” cards and having to give a non-BFF a BFF card. Nate wanted to make sure all of his friends would like the card they got. He was worried about giving the girls a Buzz or Woody character card because, “they’re girls.” When I told him that they will love to get any card he gives them, he relaxed a bit but still made every effort to give them either the cowgirl, Jessie, or the horse, Bullseye.

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Nate's Love Wishes

I suppose I remember reading into my mandatory valentines some when I was a kid. Is so-and-so really “head over heels” for me?! He must be! I mean, he picked this card just to give to me, right?!

Glad I kept that all to myself. That would have been embarrassing to admit out loud.

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Rejoicing in Re-gifting

23 Dec

You know those gifts that many people re-gift? While it’s the thought that counts and every gift is appreciated, many people have a few things on their gift no-no list. The ones that they have no idea what to do with or just genuinely don’t like. They are outcast gifts and I love them.

Here are a few of my favorites that often end up in someone else’s re-gift pile:

  • Hickory Farms – LOVE it. Those processed and preservative-packed food stuffs are packaged in such an awesome assortment. Strawberry hard candy? Yes, please!
  • Jewelry – Since I never buy the fashion flair for myself, it’s such a treat to get it from someone.
  • Holiday decor – I’ll take Santa. I’ll take snowmen. Reindeer are always welcome here. It can be in the form of a statue, doll, music box, candle holder, kitchen bowl/plate, pillow, towel, yard ornament, tree ornament – if it has one of the symbols of the season, I’ll display it.
  • As Seen On TV dodads – I never did get the Snuggie. Sad face. I’m lucky enough to have the Magic Bullet and Paint Buddy though. Two of my faves.
  • Random, store-suggested gifts – For example, stationery, magnets, frames, platters, movies, hot cocoa kit/specialty kits, coasters, book of the moment. Some people may think they were thoughtless gifts, I see them as fun finds!

I’ve been thinking about all the gifts that teachers can get from their students. That must be incredible. I often wonder what things they decide to keep over giving away. I’m pretty sure our neighbor re-gifts some of her teacher treasures but that’s fine by me! So far, we’ve gotten a glass cutting board, some festive holiday towels, a cutesy reindeer candle holder and Hickory Farms. That’s right, the Hickory Farms box of sausage and cheese is upstairs. Best presents ever!

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Sexperiment

20 Nov

I’m thinking about partaking in a sexperiment. No, not a head-in-the-gutter kind but a gender product comparison kind.

I’m fascinated at the cleansing products marketed for men. Man soap. Man shampoo. Man deodorant. Man spray. Man razors. Their products are bathed in such different, strong colors. They feature extreme verbiage like “Defends” and “Deep Cleans.” Andrew’s blue man soap has ridges in it. Impressive.

It all got me thinking, what makes this strictly for men? The packaging? The colors? The scents? Is the smell the only difference between my smooth, sleek, sweet fragranced bar of soap and his?

I’m going to find out. I’m going to put my girly products aside for seven days (start date is next Sunday) and use things that are made for a man.  (Although this was not in our vows, Andrew says, “Do it.” I think he’s banking on me backing out though!) I mean, his soap boasts of being 3-D. I want in on that.

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Make babies, but don’t bring ’em to church

7 Nov

That’s pretty much how Andrew and I are feeling about our church right now. This is not the first time a Catholic church has made us feel this way either. We’re disheartened and it all stems from the perceived attitude our church has toward children.

Here’s why: after church today, we were very nicely told that, “Father doesn’t want the children to color or draw in church anymore.” The usher said even the most neat kids can accidentally color on the pews. Ok, sure. But now what?

Coloring has been the one way we’ve been able to keep Nate calm, quiet and well-behaved in church. He colors during certain parts of church and participates in the prayers, peace and singing. He’s too little at four years old to be able to pay attention – it’s hard enough for some adults to – and there’s no children’s liturgy or nursery at our church. He’s supposed to just sit there without making a peep for an hour. Right.

The congregation has already been continually reminded about the “cry rooms” for noisy kids. You might as well not even go to church if you have to be in there. You can’t hear anything that’s being said and kids get the idea that it’s ok to talk loudly in church.

It’s just so disheartening because we are trying to do something positive for our family, as a family. They should be encouraging that, not making it more difficult. You’d think they’d be happy that a young couple is bringing their children and their monetary support to the church. I mean, they have this big “Catholics Come Home” campaign going on now and they are always reminding us that the children are the future of our faith and we need to be tithing as the Bible says. I know it’s wrong but, right now, I feel like making my children the future of another faith and informing this church that my tithe is going to find a place that practices what they preach. (We were born and raised Catholic but I went to Greek Bible school, a Baptist Pre-School and adult Bible study and Nia went to a Methodist Pre-School. We are not boxed in our denomination.)

I just want to be a part of a church community that is genuinely happy that youngens are in the pews or at least provides a Sunday school/nursery where they can learn about the Bible age-appropriately. Somewhere where I’m uplifted and leave feeling a little better about things. Not helpless and unwanted – for coloring inside or outside the lines, no less.

*Editor’s note: Since I wrote this, I’ve received a few comments/concerns and I’d like to clarify that my feelings are not directed toward the entire Catholic faith. We’ve been a part of some wonderful Catholic churches that never made me cry after Mass. The cases I’ve written about don’t always reflect the priest’s attitude either. Once it was an usher. Another time, a member of the church – a church we loved. The last priest of our current church was great toward children, actually picking Nate up and playfully throwing him in the air after Mass. He gave high fives out to the kids as Mass ended. Nate was happy to go to church and wanted to pay attention to what Father was saying. The funny thing is, Andrew and I actually enjoy/learn from our current priest’s homilies. We even recently signed up to volunteer. We are trying and will continue to try – and hope for understanding.

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Dealing With Irregularity

20 Oct

There are certain things I’ve come to rely on/expect during my work day. They are small things that help me get through the day. Part of my routine. Things like:

  • I prepare myself that I’m going to hit traffic and that my commute will take at least an hour.
  • Coffee makes my morning better.
  • I like to listen to music from my childhood/teens while I work.
  • I desire a Diet Coke at about 2ish every afternoon.
  • My back is going to crack when I turn to look over my shoulder as I reverse my car out if its space at the end of the day.
  • I have a set restroom stall I use.

And that’s where my routine becomes irregular. Some new users have not been taking care of this commode. It is no longer up to my standard and therefore I am forced to choose another.

It is so odd how much this stall shuffle has bothered me. I never realized how much I rely on routine. I’m all out of sorts because of the location of the loo?

I think I’m also disturbed with how yucky people can be. I have no idea who is responsible for ruining my routine with their gross potty habits and they will likely never know the full extent of the mess (the toilet and my sanity) they left behind.

 

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Nia and the Cafeteria Money Mystery

18 Oct

“Hello. This message is for the parents of Antonia Valles. Our records indicate you have a cafeteria balance of negative $2.50. Please pay this balance promptly. Thank you.”

I never would’ve thought a message like that could spark the flood of tears and deep concern that came from Nia. Her immediate reaction was to cry and tell me over and over again, “They are lying, momma! They are LYING!”

After doing my best to calm the crazy, I asked her why she was so upset. All that did was start her up again. “Because they are lying! I never buy anything!” “Okay, fine,” I said. “Let’s try to figure out what else it could be.” I asked her if she got a juice, a milk or forgot her money on popsicle day. She dramatically denied me every scenario I suggested, still insisting that the cafeteria people were out to get her. She instructed me to call them and tell them they were wrong.

I thought about that phone call in my head. “Yes, Miss Elementary School Cafeteria Cashier, as if you don’t have enough to put up with, my seven-year-old says you’re a liar, liar pants on fire.”

Right.

Wow. All this for $2.50 that I knew I was going to pay whether Nia forgot she spent it or the school or another student made a mistake when entering the student ID. I mean, someone spent that money so the school needed it either way.

Despite Nia’s protest (“They just want our money, momma.”), I gave her the money to give to the school and, to satisfy her, told her I would call them to see what may have happened.

Turns out, someone purchased three school lunches using Nia’s number. The really nice woman from the cafeteria said she didn’t think another child could’ve made a mistake because the cashier is supposed to verify. She told me she’d talk with Nia’s teacher about it. I let her know all is well, until the bill is $50. Then, they’ll have to speak with Nia and she’s not as understanding about this matter as I am.

Too Much Skin for Sesame Street?

23 Sep

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Whoa, I guess Katy Perry isn’t welcome in the PBS neighborhood. It seems “Sesame Street” has decided against airing the scantily clad Katy – or maybe it was her singing? – on PBS after getting complaints about it. I find this whole hoopla over what she was (not) wearing during her song and dance with the furry, red monster a riot.

Our kids see references to relationships and sex all around them every day. In their cartoons, male characters whistle and pant when a female character walks by. Often, those female characters are dressed very womanly – don’t tell me Princess Fiona’s dress didn’t accentuate her curves and cut a little low to reveal some ‘vege. Or, what about the Disney girls? Where was your problem with that? A crab telling a voiceless hottie how to “kiss the boy.” Why is Katy Perry in a skin-showing frock any worse during her two and a half minutes of screen time?

Sometimes, I think the reaction we have to things makes them a bigger deal than they actually are. My word. How much of any of it do you think your preschooler picks up on anyway? I’m sure that’s why my thoughts above never bothered you – those scenes are so subtle, right? Let’s say the kids don’t pick up on it – I’m sure many of us have something questionable from our childhood that we encountered and didn’t realize it how sexual or terrible it was. I watched Grease over and over again and sang along – not having any idea I was singing “pussy wagon” or the “chicks will cream.” Also, what was happening in the backseat of that car?

I find it hypocritical and confusing that, as a society, we have become accepting of so much around us that it just doesn’t make sense to me when we try to say, “Oh, hold up! That’s just wrong! But that over there – that lingerie ad, that music video, billboard, commercial, magazine cover, tv show – those are all ok.” Why? Because they aren’t aimed at the children? Well, unless you have them only watching “Sesame Street” (except for when Katy Perry was going to be on) and walking around with plugs in their ears and covering their eyes – they’ve certainly been around it. Try checking out with a child at the grocery store. While you unload your cart, their eyes are on the candy and the eye-candy on the covers of the mags. Nia actually moves the censor-shields out of the way to ask me why they’re covered.

Now, there’s an idea – talking to a child about why something was a certain way and why you think it should be different or not. Whatever. Watch Katy Perry and if they seem to mimic a behavior you don’t like, discuss it with them. Educate them. Help them grow into responsible, considerate adults who maybe won’t want to put the sexy dressed star of their time on a children’s show. Or maybe they will and it will just fine because – in the future – it will be sunny days and everything will be a-ok.

By the way, in case you’re wondering, I’m actually not a fan of her (lack of) attire on the appearance. I’m also disappointed in Elmo for not offering her a jacket. I thought that monster had manners. He could have taught Katy about dressing for the occasion.

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