Tag Archives: moms

Mom “Types”

13 May

Hey, ma. You love your kid, right? You care about whether your child is sad, sick, hungry, happy, well-behaved, mannerly, respectful, treated right by others … right? I know there are trying times, but your love and protection is always there. I think that’s swell and I want you to know it.

I’ve read a few blog posts over the last few months that talk about mom “types” and they’re bringing me down. It comes to my mind even more after all the TIME magazine cover hubbub about “attachment parenting.” I’ve also heard a lot about “helicopter moms” and of course there’s always the ever-present and anger-causing divide between “working moms” and “stay-at-home moms.”

  • This blog post talks about “judgmental moms” then goes on to judge other moms by asking at the end, “Which parent type do you not like?”
  • This blog post labels all the different moms seen at the school – some are spoken highly of, some are questioned.
  • This one goes so far to talk about how much she doesn’t like moms who cut their children’s food in fun shapes but then concludes that she doesn’t like when other moms judge her.

Why are we so mean to each other? Why do we group people like this? Because it helps us relate in some way? To know our place? I can understand that there will be other people we don’t get along with or whose company we don’t necessarily enjoy, but are these moms endangering their children’s lives in some way? Are they demeaning, neglectful or abusive? Is she killing her child’s spirit? If that’s the case, I feel it’s a different thing because then she is hurting her child, not just offending others with her mom style. It seems to me the acts that the labels describe are not harmful to their children, just their mom esteem.

I am guilty of having a gut reaction to some of the parenting styles I see. I’ve actually written about it before: It’s Just Sad to Me and It Takes a Village and All That. In these cases, I feel like the parents are putting their children in direct risk of harm and I struggle with my feelings about it. I know I’ve done plenty of things that would get a head shake or a clicked tongue by some moms.

I let my kids watch tv – even in the car. They play video games. It takes me days to put away their laundry. Sometimes, they eat fast food and don’t get enough veggie servings in a day. I attempted breastfeeding for as long as I could but didn’t make myself – or my child – miserable when my body said no more. I co-slept with them. I let them cry themselves to sleep. I’ve raised my voice to them. I’ve disciplined harshly. I’ve questioned a low grade on a test and reviewed it with them to teach them. I’ve over-praised and bragged on them. I’ve loved intensely, letting their moods and feelings heavily affect mine. I’ve wondered how the heck to be a mom.

All of those things came from caring about them and about whether I was being a good mom to them, as I’m sure many of the labeled moms are trying to do. My kids seem to love and respect me – and generally think I’m ok, so far. (In fact, Nia just told me I’m the “best” and she didn’t ask for a treat after it.) Is there a mom type for that?

I kinda like them.

Mommy Mysteries

30 Sep

How did you do it, lady? How did you manage to stay so mom-like and proper around me as I grew up? I can’t help but wonder (and, heads up, some of these are TMI) how you managed to:

  • Watch what you wanted on tv even if it had adult tones to it? I remember the CBS Soaps and Hill Street Blues in the background. I’m lucky if I get to watch Top 20 Video Countdown on Saturday mornings.
  • Deal with how grown-up I played Barbies? Or is that why you never played Barbies with me? I understand. I don’t really love playing Barbies with Bean but I don’t know how to tell her no without making her feel bad. You never made me feel bad. I bet my storylines stressed you out. I know they would me if I heard Nia throwing Ken off a balcony because he cheated on her with her sister. (Maybe those Soaps sunk into my head?)
  • Hold your gas around me? Yes, I mean toots. I don’t ever remember you letting one rip when I was a little kid. I hope my kids can forget their mommy’s noisemakers. They usually cutely yell at me, “Mommy!” What?
  • (This one is TMI you can never unread.) Change your lady products without young me barging into the bathroom mid-change? Sure, locking the door seems so simple. Even if they don’t see the act in progress, they still see the product which prompts questions.”Why do you have a diaper, mommy?” Yes, I answered it without really answering it. “It’s not a diaper. It’s not for pee, it’s for something elsethatI’lltellyouaboutlater.”

I guess I have created at least one mystery. Just on another level.

The Measure of a Mom

6 Jun

Some moms:

  • Never yell at their children.
  • Never let the stress show.
  • Think their children are perfect.
  • Let their children get away with murder.
  • Have patience with their children.
  • Jump at the chance to build blocks for the millionth time in one day.
  • Feed their kids the recommended daily allowance of fruits, veggies, grains, etc.
  • Never let their children eat junk food or drink too much juice.
  • Work outside the home and still have enough time and energy to successfully balance home work.
  • Never say something they’ll regret to their children.
  • Always look put together.
  • Love their children and would do anything for them.

This mom:

  • Feels like I yell too much at my children.
  • Has stress written all over my face.
  • Would never want my children to be perfect.
  • Worries when they play rough with each other.
  • Steadily loses my patience over the course of a day.
  • Throws my head back in emotional exhaustion when asked to play anything for the millionth time in one day.
  • Is happy if my children just eat their food.
  • Lets them have a few of my chips when they catch me secretly snacking in the kitchen.
  • Doesn’t work outside the home and still finds it hard to be successful at home work.
  • Usually ends the day with regrets about something I said/did as a parent.
  • Wears shirts and jeans with holes in them and desperately needs a haircut.
  • Loves my children and would do anything for them.

Super Mom versus Good Enough Mom.  Despite all the differences, in the end, we are the same – moms who care.

Why ya gotta diss the mermaid?

31 Jan

Sometimes I just don’t understand people.  They pass judgment left and right but never look at themselves with those same eyes.  Here’s my beef –

I’ve been trying to check out more and more blogs written by moms – partly because I’m looking for people who are going through the same things I am so I know I’m not the only one and partly because I am curious about how other people write about/capture their experiences. (You know, the whole art of it all and stuff.)

Well, I kind of wish I would have stuck to my old reliables!  I feel so dirty to have cheated on you!  And for what?  So I could get all pissed off after reading one mom’s opinions?  In one post she talks about how she’s banned The Little Mermaid from her house because Ariel is an anti-feminist who gives up her legs, her voice and her family after just seeing a man who’s twice her age.  The mom thinks she’s being a good parent to keep something like that from her children.  Fast forward a few blogs later where she posts pics of herself with her laptop on her lap and her sleeping child (appears to be between one and two years old) sleeping on her stomach right next to the computer.  I’m sorry, but before you go and say you are such a good parent by shielding your kids from the bad example that is The Little Mermaid, shouldn’t you consider the example you’re setting by choosing your computer over your child?

Now, I’m not saying using the computer around our kids is wrong.  (Please, I’m totally guilty of that and in some cases, people are paid to have their computers around all the time.)  My main issue with this mom is that she doesn’t see how skewed her thinking/actions are.  It’s cute to have my child drooling on my computer but not cute to have them enjoy a Disney classic? Besides, what about what Prince Eric did for Ariel?  He sacrificed his life to save hers and fell in love with her even when she didn’t have a freakin’ voice!  Now it may just be I’m feeling all passionate about this because I love my girl Ariel!  Sure, there are some days when I wish I hadn’t shared my love of Disney movies with Nia at such an early age (she already has every princess doll) but then I think why not?  THEY ARE MOVIES AND MOVIE CHARACTERS.  I mean, if my child thinks that the only way to deal with someone who is different or a confrontation is by grabbing pitch forks and torches while singing “Kill the Beast!” or the only way to get what they want is by going to see a gigantic witch octopus then I have a lot more to blame than a movie.

What’s really messed up about all of this – if it wasn’t for her dissing my BFF Ariel – I probably would have thought the picture of her child sleeping next to her computer was cute too!  I’m a total psycho!

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