Archive | Family RSS feed for this section

Daddy’s Got a Gun

11 Feb

And he knows how to use it.

Ok, ok, ok. Before I begin, I must make a few things clear.

  • I do not consider myself a perfect parent. I make mistakes. A lot. I also will be the first to admit I don’t know what I’m doing. Who in the world really “knows” how to be a parent anyway?
  • I am not anti-gun. If you want to own a gun, you own that gun. I may or may not own a gun. That’s for me and a would-be burglar or the end of the world zombie to find out. Whether I know how to use it or not, well, I may or may not have a gun.

Back to the dad and his gun. If you don’t know what I’m talking about I promise I won’t laugh at you for being out of the social media loop this past week. (I actually might be jealous of you because you haven’t been exposed to the excitement around the video. And now, I will ruin that for you.)

Basically, a teenage daughter vents on facebook about her parents and the chores she has to do using bad words and typical teen angst. She apparently has been punished for this before so the dad, understandably, has had it. He reads her facebook vent to the camera and then shoots her laptop eight times so that she will now have to earn back her privileges. To see the whole thing for yourself:


I am fine with the fact that he is upset and wants to punish her. I just feel like I’m in the minority of those who may not support the way he went about it – or their “way to go/great parenting” spirit. Again, I’m not targeting the gun – for me, it’s more about the destruction and the possible public embarrassment to his daughter that he created. Sure, he may have felt upset and embarrassed by her vent but he is the adult. How is what he did better than what she did? What example did he set? Have a problem? Destroy it. I’ve seen people comment that he should have donated the laptop. I agree. That shows respect and consideration of others. Seems like a good teaching lesson.

My other issue is it must be challenging to parent in today’s social media world. I am so grateful I didn’t have facebook when I was teen. The things I wrote in my diary were awful. I vented a lot. And now I have a wonderful relationship with my parents. If they acted like this father did should they happen to read my vents, I don’t think I would regret my writings, but resent my parents for crushing me like that. I was a teen. TEEN. Not an adult. There’s supposed to be a difference there, right?

My last concern with this whole thing is my conspiracy theory mind can’t help but think this dad is doing this all for publicity for his book and his company. (His facebook page is quite a popular place and it was really easy for me to find his book on Amazon.)

Yeah, I said it was my conspiracy theory mind.

I suppose I just needed to vent myself. Some of you may agree but I have a feeling many more of you will not – I just hope any of you who disagree keep my laptop out of your sights.

Tags: , , ,

All I Ask of You

9 Feb

I’m beginning to realize how difficult it must be to be committed to me. Besides my random and extreme mood swings, I expect Andrew to be an expert in a variety of fields and a problem solver on any given day. A sample of the questions (I’m hoping others have asked them too) I fire at him include:

How many more miles can I drive after my gas tank dings at me? Can I make it home? Are you sure?

Why did he do that? Who is that guy? Or other questions about movies and tv shows that we are both watching for the first time. His response is usually along the lines of, “Started watching this the same time you did.”

How big is the wall by the closet door in our hall downstairs? In inches?

What do you feel like eating for dinner tonight/this week? (This is often a bigger issue than it seems. I just can never decide and he doesn’t care what we eat.)

What’s Joey barking at?

What tax bracket are we in? Should we refinance? What’s our credit rating? What’s that mean? Can I buy a new table for the living room?

Are my tires low on air?

The toilet is doing that running while not being flushed thing. (Not really a question but it is implied he is being asked to do something.)

What was that noise?! Did you hear it? No? Can you check it out? (Usually asked once he is settled in bed ready for his slumber.)

Do you think Nate has a concussion? (Because suddenly Andrew is a doctor or nurse.)

Can you please pick up my birth control pills for me? (On the flip-side of that…) Can you pretty please pick up some tampons for me? Pleeeeaaaase?

What wine/beer do I like?

Who was the president before Lincoln? What is the capital of Alabama? How many senators are there in each state? How do you get the area of something? Will that stool hold you? Are you sure?

I think out of all the questions, me not taking his advice or the “are you sure ones” drive him the most bonkers. He especially loves when his sure-ness is justified. He brings me proof, “See? Here are the Christmas floor mats I told you would be in the tree box.” Me: “Where were they?” Andrew: “The. Tree. Box.”

Ok, ok, already.

Are you going to put them there again?

Wasted Worry

31 Jan

There’s no rest for the weary.

That’s what Andrew has told me. We both know the saying has more to do with those who work a lot and are tired but he said it to me because of the constant worry I weigh on myself.

I’m starting to force myself to realize that some (most) of my worry wastes my heart and soul. Especially after days like today where Nate got a behavior note home or other days when the kids have fevers or Andrew is told he needs to travel for work or is laid off or the car breaks down or sad news comes in a phone call from family. All of those things slap me in the face as a wake up call of things that justify worry. Things that don’t justify worry are things like another day or work, commuting, homework, grades, headaches, cleaning and what’s for dinner. Sure, I should care about all of that but I shouldn’t let those things dictate my emotions.

No rest for the weary. And no smiles on days filled with wasted worry.

Posted from WordPress for Android

Tags: ,

Too Sick for School?

26 Jan

I know who it is as soon as I see the phone number pop up on my phone. I feel like I see it once a week.

The school nurse.

She is wonderful. Truly. I want to bring her gifts with heart-shaped cards and make her sweet treats to show my appreciation for her. I’ve never met her in person but I feel like my family is cared about by an incredibly patient and kind soul. I think it’s one of the many reasons the kids always want to see her for the smallest boo-boo and I don’t blame them. She gives them comfort, care, a bandage or ice and then she calls me, which means they get to talk on the phone – at school – to mommy.

Of course, they also go to her for legitimate reasons. When I get the call that they don’t feel well, Andrew or I will leave work and scoop them up for TLC. Today though, her number appeared and I ended up asking the nurse if she thought it would be ok if Nia stayed. She said yes because Nia didn’t have a fever. Despite her guidance, I felt like I needed the nurse because I felt terrible.

I know Nia wasn’t harming herself or others by being there. She was probably just uncomfortable. She had a cough and said she had a headache but was acting fine otherwise. When the nurse put Nia on the phone, I asked her if she could stick it out. She said yes but her voice was so sad.

I thought to myself, if I was still a stay-at-home mom, I would get her in a second. Pull her out of school and cuddle with her while watching her favorite laugh-track shows. Then I thought, that could be a bad thing because I would always run to rescue them. Even if I didn’t really need to. Even if they should (are well enough to) stick it out.

I am thankful for the nurse to advise me. I also use resources like this and this when I’m not so sure about whether they should be in school. Yes, there is also the motherly instinct, but I think I would use that one too instinctively, for sure.

By the way, if I trusted my instincts today, they would’ve been wrong. When I picked Nia up at the end of the day, she was feeling a-ok. And I’m so glad for that.

*One other resource:
I also thought this has some good info about different kinds of coughs.

Tags: ,

State of the Union: A Child’s View

25 Jan

Past her bedtime and above her school subject matter, Nia cuddled her teddy bear as she watched the State of the Union with us. The post below features her commentary. Please keep in mind she’s 8 years old, her daddy is passionate about government issues and her mommy should really not even be answering questions about it. Then again, maybe Nia will help me learn a thing or two.

***

How old is the president? He looks in his 30’s. You guys look like you’re in your 20’s. He looks like maybe 32 or 35.

***

He’s not afraid to talk in front of all those people? Every seat is filled. Is everyone there from Congress?

***

There’s the First Lady! Does the woman next to the First Lady know the camera is on her?

***

That guy (in the audience) is crooked smiling. Why?

***

Without teachers, who would teach you? That’s what he’s saying.

***

That man had a “D” next to his name.

Me: Do you know what that stands for?

Dem – dem – demo…

Me: Do you know what the “R” stands for?

Revolutionary War?

(We then told her the correct names.)

***

Andrew: There’s Senator Rockefeller. He’s from West Virginia.

Is he your friend?

***

I think Obama is a good president.

Andrew: Why?

Because he smiles when he talks.

(Andrew discussed why that is nice and may show that he’s a good person but there’s more involved with being a good president.)

***

Why isn’t that man smiling?

Me: Maybe he doesn’t agree with what President Obama is saying.

Maybe he’s a Republican. Not a – what’s it called? – a dem – dem – democracy? Dem something.

Me: Democrat.

I was close! I said democracy!

***

For a speaker, he’s not speaking at all.

 Me: You mean the Speaker of the House? Well, it doesn’t really work that way and it’s not his turn.

***

Me: (just curious about her response) Should a person who makes one million dollars give 30% of it away?

No. They should give 50%. Half.

Andrew: Should they be forced to give it or do it because they want to?

Because they want to.

Andrew: Why?

Because it’s the right thing to do.

Andrew: What if they chose not to give? Should they be forced to give?

No. They just aren’t nice people though.

Andrew: A Libertarian is born!

What does that mean?! I don’t know what that means! (Laughing.)

***

They are all clapping.

Me: That’s because he quoted Abraham Lincoln and people like Lincoln.

Everyone should.

***

That guy had an “I” by his name. What’s that mean?

Me: Independent Party. Democrat and Republican are the big ones and then there’s the Independent and Libertarian Parties. Daddy, and even mommy, consider ourselves Libertarian.

Is that what me and Nate are?

Me: That will be up to you, baby. When you grow up, you will decide that.

Can you be more than one Party?

Me: It’s all in what you believe. If you agree with different things from each then yes. Or you may believe with one Party more but like a person from a different one because you think he/she will make a good leader.

Can you be all of them?

Me: It’s fine to change your mind.

***

Interrupted 85 times? By who?

Me: The applause.

Oh. (Chuckle.) They must love Obama, huh?

Me: Some do, yes.

***

He kissed all the girls. He’s just kissing random girls!

Me: What do you think about that?

It’s how some people give peace, like we do in church.

(This made me cry.)

***

Could kids be there now?

Me: Probably. Would you want to be there?

Yes, to meet Barack Obama.

Tags: , , , ,

Thankful for Lady Gaga

24 Jan

She is nice to him and he bashfully describes her as pretty. She stole his heart on a day near Halloween when she walked in his class dressed up as a Kindergarten (G-rated) Lady Gaga.

Nate was so enamored with Little Gaga that he announced to the class during a Thanksgiving lesson that he is most thankful for her. (His teacher emailed me about the sweetness.)

Turns out, the feeling is mutual. Her mom tells me that she “just loves Nate” and that she recently put him as no. 89 in her “Favorite 100 Things” book because there are 89 different reasons she likes him. She also saves every drawing Nate gives her and has them hanging in her room. This one was the first:

image

Nate will reassure us that they are not boyfriend and girlfriend. “I’m too young for that,” he maturely states and then turns his head down to the side to hide his grin.

I smile too, remembering a note to her that said, “I love you because you are nice to me.” So pure. So important. Such a beautiful reason to love someone. I hope he always thinks about that when it comes to his future “real” girlfriends. Loving the inside as much as the Lady Gaga.

Tags: , , ,

Travel Teachings

22 Jan

I see them every day but it took eight days of traveling together over Thanksgiving week to learn some new things about my children.

  • As soon as Nate wakes up, as in the first sliver of an eye-opening, he whispers a song about counting by two’s. That mixed with a few sweet yawns and my heart melted.
  • Nate gets really freaked out when his foot, leg, arm or hand falls asleep. We were driving at the time and he woke up in a fit of fear and fury that I’ve never seen from him. We had no idea what to do for him other than tell him it will be over soon. That feeling must be so weird and scary for a little kid. I know I hate it.
  • Nia is finally feeling the woes of big sisterdom. There was a point in our travels when Nia and Nate were playing air hockey and I heard her scream at him, “You are just stupid!” (If you know us pretty well, you know that “s” word is gasped at like it is one of the biggie bad words.) I made her leave the game and sit out for some time. When she was finally calm enough to talk to me, she said with tears in her eyes, “He just kept bragging about doing good and I couldn’t take it anymore.” I know I should’ve stayed in discipline mom-mode but I ended up sympathizing with her – after not being able to hide my smile. She sounded so grown up in that moment. Just trying to figure out how to handle things. We talked more about other ways to deal with frustrating situations and then she and Nate hugged and apologized to each other. I will never forget her face though. Full of drama and seriousness. Confused but also feeling justified in her reaction. Growing up is tough, kid. We’re all figuring it out.
  • This learning is not pretty – that’s a warning – but I was still impressed by what I witnessed. Nate is very courteous when he vomits. He felt sick as we were just taking off on our trip and he told us in enough time that we were able to pull over for him to exit the car. He then leaned far over to make sure he didn’t get any on his clothes or shoes. I didn’t get grossed out because I was so amazed by how he handled himself through that experience. I would have been crying and probably would’ve lost it in the car. Maybe it was luck and not skill but what I witnessed that day needed noted.
  • Nia loves laser tag. Nate does not. Nia went back for another round. Nate ran out of the first round in tears. (Poor buddy.)
  • My little girl showed me her tough side during a nature walk one afternoon. She picked up a stick and then acted like a “warrior princess” and totally whipped up on some leaves and trees. It was intensely fun.

I love getting to spend devoted time like that with the kids. It may not be all laughs and sweet moments, but they are still special and important glimpses into their personalities. “I just couldn’t take it anymore.” I’m sure we’re going to hear that more in the coming years.

Tags: , ,

Even if it only works once …

21 Jan

Tonight, I talked an angry, little, tired man to sleep. Not because what I was saying was so snooze-worthy either, but because he was so relaxed and stilled by the tone of my voice and the words of love I was sharing with him. It was unbelievable and beautiful.

I thought if I would tell him all the things I love about him, he would calm his frustration over not getting to stay up a little later. Nothing like this has happened before with Nate so I was not counting on it. Especially since he had just thrown a beat-down on his pillow and tried to wedge himself against the wall and his bed to make it clear he wanted nothing to do with me. After walking away and giving him a moment, I spoke to him softly and rubbed his hair. Then, amazingly, I heard his quiet breath take on a sleep rhythm.

I told him he was such a cool kid. That he was smart, sweet and so incredibly full of heart. That I love how he tries so hard at everything he does. That he cares about others. That I see how nice he is to his sister, daddy, me, turtle and even Mr. Fishface. He’s funny. It’s so great how he likes to read and learn math. He’s really good at it. That I love him and I’m not trying to be a mean mommy by making him go to bed, I’m doing it so he can play and have a great day tomorrow. That watching him play sports is one of the best things I’ve ever gotten to do.

Little, sleepy, angry man. Thank you for letting me have a special parenting moment to cherish. And for not waking up as I attempted to tippy-toe out of your room.

Spud

27 Dec

We called you that because you looked like a potato in the ultrasound picture. An adorable, precious, squirmy, overwhelming potato.

I remember I cried when I found out I was going to have another baby. “How will I ever love another child as much as I love Nia?” I worried. You were a surprise. You were a blessing.

You were due on December 20th. I bought baby’s first Christmas clothes and ornaments. It would technically not be your first Christmas. You arrived on December 27th and not without a dramatic entrance. We finally would find out if Spud was a girl or a boy and – oh yeah – that emergency c-section. You were healthy after a struggle of an arrival and were a boy. We cried out of relief, excitement and love.

Today, six years later, you woke me up with a cuddle and a happy, “Today is my real birthday!”

Yes it is, Spud. And I’m so glad for it.

Tags:

“Where is baby Jesus?”

25 Dec

It was something I didn’t even notice. The baby Jesus – missing from the manger scene at church. Nia realized it right away and asked it as we walked by the display during communion. I whispered to her that the baby will appear at midnight, for his birthday. She loved that and it made me wish we treated our mangers the same way. That’s better than an elf who moves to a new spot each morning after reporting on a child’s behavior or Santa who brings you gifts if you’re not on the naughty list. Jesus loves you, no matter what. He gave us the greatest gift, even though many were not nice to him.

I hope as the years pass, they remember asking where baby Jesus was. I know I will always remember it and how they lifted their sweet voices in song to celebrate Jesus’ birth. How they sat next to Father Leo on the steps of the altar in front of the entire church and answered his questions about the meaning of Christmas and animatedly nodded. How Nate rested his head on Nia’s shoulder at one point during Mass and she didn’t shrug it away. That they remember the love, beauty and spirit of Christmas in the middle of the piles of presents and the cookies for Santa.

Merry. Christmas.

Tags:

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →