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Conflicted Over a Crime

1 Oct

Nia recently witnessed a crime. She told me about it very casually as I tucked her in for bedtime. In between her prayers and happy thoughts we talk about so she has sweet dreams, she said:

“I saw someone steal a toothbrush today at the grocery store. A dad took it out of the wrapper and gave the wrapper to his little girl to throw away and then he put the toothbrush in his pants.”

She told me she heard the rip of the wrapper and that’s what got her attention to look that way. I was right there with her but I didn’t notice it. I probably was deep in thought comparing bread ingredients or some such grocery store necessity. She said she’s not sure why she didn’t point it out to me or tell me then.

I’m really surprised about that too. She always tells me all sorts of things. Things I don’t necessarily want to know about what her friends say and do and everything her little brother does to annoy her. The time she should speak up to me, for whatever reason, she doesn’t. I’m actually not even sure what I would’ve done had she told me at the time.

Would I confront him? Unlikely. I’m not the confronting strangers type. Would I tell the grocery store employees? I should, right? They are stealing. But then I think of the little girl. Do I want to cause her any more trouble or hardship than she already may be experiencing? Also, it’s just a toothbrush. Maybe the dad’s mad at the high prices and is making a point? Still doesn’t make it right though… What would you do? Would you confront or report?

I talked to Nia about it, in case it ever happens again. She knows that taking something that isn’t yours – or that you haven’t paid for – is wrong. We also talked about some things that may cause people to steal and how I can sometimes understand why someone in a desperate circumstance would feel they have no other choice. That starts getting confusing for an 8-year-old. Especially one who just watched a little girl about her age have to do as her daddy said and help him steal.

My little girl witnessed a crime but what’s more sad to me is that another little girl was involved in one.

 

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My Dolphin Tale

24 Sep

Sniff. Sniff. Shaking, chin wrinkle sob. Rub on the back and arm hug from sweet Nia. Yes, I loved Dolphin Tale and I’m so proud of myself for not letting my anxiety with crowded theaters get the best of me.

First, the movie. Nia and I loved it. I can’t reveal her favorite part because it would then reveal some key moments (but it involves something that happens near the end). I’m pretty sure Nate’s favorite part was popcorn and the end. It just wasn’t his cup. He got a bit antsy during the adult conversation and plot development scenes. Maybe too deep for theater viewing for some children ages 5 and under. Of course, his 35-year-old father thought it went a bit long too so again, it depends on your cup. Nia and I were in movie watching heaven.

That is, except for the fact that I don’t do well in crowded theaters. I start feeling dizzy and have trouble breathing as the people pile in and chose seats around me. This was especially difficult because we got there early and it’s opening weekend so there wasn’t an empty seat. When the people sat next to me, I nervously smiled and then felt better when she smiled back and made small talk about how lucky they were to get those seats.

No kidding.

They weren’t the groups who came in late and made others move and miss movie moments. Those same people then got up halfway through to get a snack. Another movie moment missed. On the flip of that though, I really loved the woman in front of us who shouted out in reaction to a scene from the movie and then was the first to applaud at the end. Joyous. Love that.

A tale around a tale. Based on a true story.

 

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No Break for Behavior

22 Sep

I support cause and effect punishment. If you do something you know is wrong, especially after being warned and told not to do it again, there should be a punishment. Whether it’s being mean/hurtful to someone else, refusing to listen/respect adults or tearing the paint off of walls, there needs to be some corrective action taken and guidance provided about what is proper behavior and what is not.

What that punishment is has varied for us over the years. There were a lot of time-outs. There were a few spankings. Too many scoldings to count. Privileges and toys (once an entire doll house) taken away. Even soap (with immediate rinsing). The severity of the punishment depended on the no-no. We rarely had to punish twice for the same no-no. A lot of it was us figuring it out as we went. If it seemed like one thing wasn’t working after a while, we tried another. If it seemed the punishment really didn’t fit the behavior, we altered it.

This is why I’m so confused/surprised that I’m feeling that kids need a break now and then. We give plenty of warnings to allow them to settle down and make a better choice so our need for punishment has dropped significantly because they’ve learned they don’t want to be in trouble and that they want to do what’s right. I believe school does this too. I can count on one hand the number of times Nia had to “pull a stick” during her years in school. Nate is (knock on wood) actually doing great in school as well. He had to pull a stick once for keeping his feet on someone else’s square on the rug, which I’m sure boils down to a listening issue. He’s been doing so well at following all the school rules but then there are even more rules at after-school and I guess – well – he’s just a little tired at that point.

We got a note home from the after-school counselors saying Nate’s behavior is becoming a problem because he’s not listening. They were surprised because he is one of “their best kids.” I called because I wanted specifics so I would know how to help correct the concern. Basically, he’s not listening is what I was told.

  • He bounces in his seat on the bus. I told him not to bounce. Keep his bottom in the seat. It’s for his safety and all the kids because the bus driver doesn’t need distractions. He understood.
  • In the after-school room, he’s to listen to his counselors like he listens to his teacher. Be a helper, not a hurter.
  • If he brings another note home then we will take away privileges. No video games. No tv time.

Fine. But then I thought about it. So many rules. All day long. When I went to my grandparents after elementary school they never had a report for my mom. “Nikki wouldn’t listen. She sassed her grandpa.” I did that. Yes. But it was never relayed to my parents. After a day of rule-following so well at school, I was allowed a rest from the regime. To not listen here and there, without it being written up.

I guess it comes down to – I just don’t want to be nagging him all the time. Not good for any of us. A break is needed. I feel like it will be ok if I ease up on him for minor after-school issues. I think my working mommy with no family around guilt is blurring my behavior patrol glasses. I may need a time-out.

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School Picture Style Hopes

19 Sep

The worn sticker on his shirt read, “Smile! It’s picture day” but Nate had more in mind than just smiling. “Can I have spiky hair for pictures?” he asked on the way home from after school. “And a tie?”

With both of these hopes, I made him happy with an immediate “we’ll see what we can do” and told him we’d need to test out the spiky do after dinner because I was worried that it was going to be too short.

Sadly for the little man, I was right. He went running for his daddy’s hair “glue” (what we lovingly call the pomade) after dinner and we tried to get his little locks to stand up. His face in the pictures shows how he want from hope to hurt, saddened that his hair just wouldn’t spike.


I reassured him that he looks so handsome and cute without the spikes and that we’ll still put some glue on his hair tomorrow if he wants. That made him feel better. He was also cool that the clip-on tie wouldn’t fly with the color of his shirt. I’m still surprised he didn’t ask to wear a Braves shirt – although he may try to sneak on his Braves armband. As long as he’s happy with his style and smile when the camera clicks. Can’t wait to see his first elementary school picture!

Beach, Boogie Boards, Brew and Buddies!

6 Sep

Our trip to Tybee Beach is now a week behind us but the memories are still as bright as our smiles were while we were there.

The Beach
Bean has always been our brave one when it comes to battling the waves. Nate, well, let’s just put it this way, when we told him we were going back to the beach, we didn’t get excitement and joy like we did from Nia – no – Nate actually started to cry a bit and said, “I don’t want to go!” We calmed him, assuring him that he could just chill on the sand.

As we walked out to the ocean for the first time this trip, we were prepared for the freak out fest – but he didn’t. In fact, the next day, he was running and playing in the calm low tide salt water pools – checking out a ton of tiny hermit crabs and throwing his Spiderman Scuba guy all over the water. All that helped him face the waves. He pumped himself up as he headed farther and farther out, “Natey, McNatey, you’re goin’ far now. Natey, McNatey, you’re doin’ it now.” And he did. By the time we were ready to leave for home, he was cruisin’ his newly purchased boogie board, just like his big sis.

Boogie Boards
Bean is a boogie boarding princess. She seriously could not get enough of surfing the waves. That also meant Andrew was exhausted because he was the one who helped her fight her way farther than Nate – or even I – would venture. (This all made my mom very nervous. Nate and I as well. Peas in a stress pod, us three.) Nia looked so grown up, smiling the whole time, as each wave she caught carried her closer to shore. She didn’t want to stop. I love her spirit, energy and bravery. Last year, a jellyfish got her good but you would never know it. I hope she always holds that strength – and carefree beach attitude – with her.

Brew Fest
During our time near Savannah, we also got to very much enjoy the annual Savannah Craft Brew Fest. We had tickets numbered 30 and 31. That’s how excited we were for this fest. Since Andrew’s been brewing his own beer and always appreciates a good brew, this was something he was really looking forward to. I was just ear to ear happy to be there with him on a date and with good friends and his sis surrounding us while we all sipped and laughed. (Thanks to Honey for spending the afternoon solo at the beach with the kiddos!)

As for Andrew’s favorite flavor, he says Cigar City’s Cubano Espresso and the Wild Heaven Brewing Co.’s Invocation Belgian Ale were at the top. He said the taste for both was unexpectedly good. He also enjoyed a cigar – that I actually kind of forced him to buy because he mentioned that one might be nice to have but then did his whole “neither here nor there” stance. Why not? It’s just one brew fest afternoon, after all.

My favorite sips would have to be either the Woodchuck Fall Limited Release Hard Cider or the Lagunitas Brewing Co.’s IPA. I mostly enjoyed just being there with some of my favorite people, across from beautiful downtown Savannah. A gorgeous view, brew and, yes, buds.

Buddies
It made my heart so happy to see former co-workers and my old boss at WSAV. I’m not going to lie – I teared up a little seeing that newsroom that I spent so much of my life in. Heck, both of my babies were nurtured in my belly in that place – complete with the food from the fast food joints nearby it. It was so great getting to see them and they made me feel right at home. Great memories there. Where I grew up.


Our trip to Tybee wouldn’t be complete without our fix of seeing our dear friends, the Heidels. I wish we could have spent more time together but I’m so very thankful to have the brew fest hours and Sunday beach time with them. Miss Camille is such a sweetie and it was so fun watching her bury her dinosaurs in the sand. We were also spoiled to share in Ginger’s leftover football fixins. Can you say stuffed mushrooms? Buffalo chicken awesomeness? Even without that food and the constant great conversation we share, they are all always loved and missed like family.

We also got super lucky to see our good friend Paul and Matt, Shirley and Avery Fischer. We always cherish our time with Paul and my mom loved to have him as a porch buddy, enjoying an ocean view and excellent conversation. Meanwhile, Nia and Avery were picking up right where they left off a year ago. They were born to be buds and it’s even more awesome that we parents like each other too!

Beach time near Savannah also means getting to hug and squeeze our nieces, Ellanor and Magdalene. They got to sleep over and it was a blast! I love how the four cousins play so well together. They had some short beach time and spent a lot of condo time drawing pictures and chomping on popcorn. They couldn’t be happier!

I’m also so thankful my mom said yes to the stress-inducing layover flights (in rough weather no less). She loved sitting on the porch and watching the kids enjoy the ocean from her beach chair under the umbrella (when she wasn’t worried about their safety!). She also knows how to souvenir shop and braved a plate of crusty critters with me. (We laughed and gagged the whole way through.) I couldn’t ask for a cooler, more caring mom. Thanks, Lady. I love you lots.

Hope to see you next year, Tybee – with all the perks!

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Bed Check

31 Aug

At what age are parents supposed to stop checking on their kids in the middle of the night? I know there’s an expiration date on this parent habit but I’m not sure when it is. Whenever it is, I hope it’s not too soon.

I cherish the cracked door peek to make sure toes are tucked in under blankets and that a child isn’t lying sideways across the bed and completely uncovered (like I just rescued Nate from). I love smoothing Nia’s hair from her face and kissing each of the forehead. I look at their peaceful and comfortable faces and pause to reflect on how grateful I am for them. Children at rest. Beautiful.

As I shut the door, I think about when I should stop the nightly check. When Nia is 10? 12? I’m thinking 14…

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The Repeat Knockers

25 Aug

Just get in the door after a long day? They knock.

Start cooking dinner? They knock.

Have a mouth full of food? Must almost choke as everyone feels the need to run from the table like it’s going to explode and surround the door.

Ready to start homework with the kids? Dog starts barking like someone’s breaking in because the doorbell rang.

Getting ready to enjoy that first sip of wine? Knock, knock.

By the sound of it, I want it the small visitors to our door ( often two or three times a night) to hit an invisible force-field whenever they attempt to step onto the front stairs. I really don’t. I’m actually glad that the kids are being included and making new friends in the neighborhood. They should. I have many fond memories of acting like we owned our ‘hood growing up. It’s just…I need about 75% less of the repeat knocking. I also feel bad when I send the hopeful children away because some dinner/homework/just-got-home time is in progress (I never mention my wine that’s being held behind the door where they can’t see).

I tell them to return at 7 and then the kids can play until 7:30. It seems though – small oversight on my part – they do not know how to tell time. Short of hanging a sign:

“Nia and Nate are not ready to play outside yet so please don’t knock and give our dog five heart attacks a night. And no, you can not take our cups – or Nia’s scooter – home with you. Also, there is a two limit ration on bandages unless it’s a true emergency. And, there is now a lock on the garage refrigerator. Sorry to diminish your hopes of an endless supply of soda.”

I think I’m just going to tell them to wait until they see Nia and Nate outside. Not outside? Not ready to play. Knock? They will NEVER be ready to play. NEVER.

Kidding. That’s for the back side of the sign.

The Repeat Knockers Having a Blast

Today, I learned …

22 Aug

It’s something we are trying with the kids. Tired of getting “I don’t remember” from Nate, Andrew and I now ask the kids to tell us three things they learned at school each day. If they can/do, they get 30 minutes of extra time enjoying whatever entertainment they want from the Wii to TV (after homework, of course). The lists below pretty much capture what each nightly review is like.

I asked Nate the three things he learned at school today:

  1. M is for Mater, McQueen and Mac. Oh yeah, and monkey.
  2. The precise way to hold a “parachute” for gym class, complete with showing me the way his fingers should look while holding this parachute. Also, that his gym teacher pretended to fall over when hit with a ball.
  3. To put your head down on the table when it’s time to be quiet.

I asked Nia:

  1.  Math taught them about different forms like standard, expanded and word.
  2. Science talked about sedimentary rocks, igneous rocks and volcanic rocks. (And she went on to explain a little about each one.)
  3. Reading was about a little boy who met an author and – according to Nia – it taught her to save a question about books just in case she ever meets the book’s author.

I learned:

  1. Nate doesn’t like to remember what he learned. I know this because of the frustration he gave me when I asked him if learned about a certain letter, word, number or color.
  2. Nia’s homework is getting really hard. Like, map/distance hard. Whoa.
  3. My brain hurt after my 45 minutes of homework and shared learnings – I can’t even imagine what it’s like for them. Did I tell you that the word ordinal was one of Nia’s spelling/vocabulary words. Glad she knew what it meant because I sure didn’t.

Then My Heart Sank Into My Stomach

18 Aug

“Can Nia come out and play?”

The group of three kids waited at our front door for the response. “Of course! Just a minute, she needs to get her shoes.”

Closed door. Scramble to get shoes. Flurry of excitement as Nia and Nate rush to the door to play outside by themselves with neighborhood kids for the first time ever.

I was excited. Was. As Nate’s yellow shirt got smaller and smaller walking toward the top of our street, I panicked.

“He’s just too little,” I cried to Andrew. “He’s too little to leave our street by himself with only other kids.”

“I think I agree,” Andrew soothed me. “Do you want me to go get him?”

I collapse in a teary mess on the steps, still in my work clothes. Still emotionally drained from the drive home. I nod. Still uncertain because I know he just wants to play with his sister and the kids. He just wants to be a big kid. But I just can’t let him yet. He’s too little.

My heart was in my stomach until I saw Andrew rounding the corner with Nate walking beside him.

Lighter heart. Nate didn’t seem to mind. After all, Andrew told him the kids could play in the backyard and he’d play baseball with him. Bribery to keep him closer to home. I’ll use it for as long as I can…

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Peeping Mom

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Tiny Yellow Shirt

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The Light Under the Door

15 Aug

“How did you know?” He asked me as I ushered him back in bed – a place where he should’ve been sound asleep some 30 minutes ago.

“I wasn’t making any noise. I was so quiet.” He adds, still confused about how I caught him with a baseball hat on his head, frozen mid-bend at his shelf – instead of sleeping. He was, “cleaning his room.” A room that was not a mess by any means.

I smile while tucking him in again, “Mommy will keep that a secret.”

I can’t let him know that it was because of the light glowing from under his door. How will I bust him next time?

His room was pretty clean though. He even had all his baseball hats sorted according to team. He made sure the one I removed from his head was placed in the appropriate stack.

Night-night, Delay Nate. Sweet dreams of a cleaner room and tidy baseball shelf.

The Tidy Shelf (My Cleaning)

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