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The Measure of a Mom

6 Jun

Some moms:

  • Never yell at their children.
  • Never let the stress show.
  • Think their children are perfect.
  • Let their children get away with murder.
  • Have patience with their children.
  • Jump at the chance to build blocks for the millionth time in one day.
  • Feed their kids the recommended daily allowance of fruits, veggies, grains, etc.
  • Never let their children eat junk food or drink too much juice.
  • Work outside the home and still have enough time and energy to successfully balance home work.
  • Never say something they’ll regret to their children.
  • Always look put together.
  • Love their children and would do anything for them.

This mom:

  • Feels like I yell too much at my children.
  • Has stress written all over my face.
  • Would never want my children to be perfect.
  • Worries when they play rough with each other.
  • Steadily loses my patience over the course of a day.
  • Throws my head back in emotional exhaustion when asked to play anything for the millionth time in one day.
  • Is happy if my children just eat their food.
  • Lets them have a few of my chips when they catch me secretly snacking in the kitchen.
  • Doesn’t work outside the home and still finds it hard to be successful at home work.
  • Usually ends the day with regrets about something I said/did as a parent.
  • Wears shirts and jeans with holes in them and desperately needs a haircut.
  • Loves my children and would do anything for them.

Super Mom versus Good Enough Mom.  Despite all the differences, in the end, we are the same – moms who care.
 

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Wanted: Child-Friendly Church

29 May

Is there any Catholic church out there that actually genuinely welcomes children?

I just read a new announcement concerning children on our church’s website and it left me really downhearted.  It is basically a list of rules our church wants parents and children to follow.  While I understand the need to have rules because many people are rude and don’t respect property or clean up after themselves, it still makes me feel like our children are not wanted there.

It would certainly not be the first time.  I recently wrote about my concerns with having Nate in church, but before that, I experienced the feeling at two different Savannah churches.  One when Nia was an infant and she had started to get a little fussy.  I was already sitting in the last row and was about to get up to take her outside when an usher came up to me and told me that I would be more comfortable in the nursery, oh yeah, and you’re not allowed to have food (Cheerios to help keep Nia occupied) in church either.  The next experience happened this past winter.  Andrew, Nia, Nate and I went to church with Anna Marie, Ella and Maggie.  We were there early and sat in the back of the church at the end of the pew for easy escape.  An older man chose to sit directly in front of us even though he saw we had 4 small children.  Of course they are going to make noise.  They are children.  Two of them are toddlers.  If the noise level even hinted that it was going to be distracting, we’d take the culprit outside.  That wasn’t good enough for the man in front of us.  Just as Andrew was getting up to leave with Nate, the man turned around and said, “You know, there’s a cry room for children like yours.”

We were so disgusted.  Andrew replied, “Yes, I know sir” and got up and walked into the standing-room-only cry room where he was about to go anyway to calm Nate.  When Andrew got back to the pew, he and the man exchanged some words which led to the man asking Andrew if he wanted to “step outside.”  What?!  Not only was that crazy because the man was like 70 and walked with a cane, but as Andrew said to him, “Are you serious?  We are in church!  You’re ridiculous.”

Shouldn’t church be the one place you can receive compassion and acceptance?  Shouldn’t it be where people offer a helping hand or a sympathetic smile not a sigh of annoyance or a look of disdain?   Shouldn’t it compel people to offer even the smallest act of kindness like letting a car pull out in front of you in the church parking lot?

All I want is to worship and feel like I’m part of a community.  To feel welcomed and loved, not scolded and filled with resentment and discouragement.  Here we are, trying to raise our children to follow a religious path and to be loving, patient and accepting as we’re told to be by the Bible, but we keep hitting roadblocks.  I thought church is supposed to help clear the road, not set up the obstacles.

Maybe I’m wrong.  Maybe I’m expecting too much out of church. I just know what I feel and need.  All I can do is pray for the grace and strength to not let those obstacles push us off the path.  I believe all that matters is that we keep God present in our lives and keep trying to do the right thing – no matter how many bumps we hit. After all, that’s the way it should be, right?

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Miss Popularity

13 May

You know you don’t have a social life when your 5-year-old gets more phone calls and has more “play dates” than you do.

Just today two little girls called Nia on the phone and asked her to meet them to play.  How cute is that?  It’s so funny because sometimes I have to look at the calendar and schedule the play dates!  Today, I had to tell the one mom, “Oh sorry, Nia can’t play because she’s meeting another little girl to play.  How about tomorrow?”

I think it’s the coolest thing that other kids have a blast with Nia.  She is so fun and sweet and I can only hope she will form friendships as easily during kindergarten.

Now, if only I could make a few more friends…
 

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When you don’t get out much…

5 May
  • you forget your wallet at work the night of your romantic surprise date with your wife.  Andrew planned a trip to a play in Atlanta while my mom was here and it all turned out perfectly despite his driving without a license and my initial reaction to the surprise.  If I could go back in time, I would definitely not ask, “What’s this?” with a look of confusion when shown the e-tickets. And, I would absolutely not be all like, “What’s this play, *Doubt, all about? I never heard of it.”  Poor Andrew. He knows how sorry I am.  I only hope it doesn’t discourage him from any possible future surprises.  (I really appreciate and love what you did.)
  • you act like an idiot and tell anyone who listens what’s going on in your life at that very moment.  I’m pretty sure the clerk at Old Navy did not care that my mom and I were going to go see a *movie and I was going to order nachos and cheese – oh, I really hope they have nachos and cheese – I’m sure they do right? I mean, it’s an IMAX theater after all….   Yeah, I had uncool written all of my face – and probably my outfit.
  • you have to get a ride from security after the movie is over because you parked on the complete other side of the largest mall in Georgia.  Not only was it silly enough that we were being slowly chauffeured around the mall, but then some “real” action happened (a car backed into a yellow pole) and the security guard was all disappointed that he had to take my mom and I (or as he kept repeating on his walkie talkie, the “10-15”) to our car.  My mom kept hysterically giggling every time he called us the “10-15.” It was all so hilarious, especially when the guy said “I’m going try to get there as soon as I can but I still gotta find this 10-15’s vehicle!” It was at that point that my mom and I told him to go get that “41” or whatever it was and let us out to walk.  Man, I feel bad for that “41.”  He had one geeked up guard coming after him!
  • you enjoy every second of your special time.  Thanks for the wonderful memories Andrew and mommy!  I had a blast!

*If you were wondering, Andrew and I both really liked the play and the movie my mom and I saw was Made of Honor and we both enjoyed that as well!
 

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Ringing in 32

22 Mar

As I write this, in 2 minutes, you turn 32 years old.

There you are asleep on the couch, your glass of root beer still full.  Like always.

Just a few hours ago, we watched brainless television shows.  Like always.

We snacked on junk food when we really shouldn’t have.  Like always.

We talked about the sweet (or not so sweet) things the kids did today.  Like always.

The clock just struck 12.

Happy Birthday, sleepy boy. I can’t wait to spend your special day and many more together.

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And then she started screaming, “Peanut Butter Crackers!”

15 Mar

Ever hear two little girls, ages 4 and 5, talk on the phone?  Nia’s friend Nicole calls her every couple of days just to make sure her favorite colors are still pink, purple and blue and if she’s changed her mind about who her favorite princess is.  It is a riot.  Tonight, I actually got some of the conversation (if you can call it that!) on camera and thought you might like to watch Nia act all grown up and stuff.  She even told Nate to go away because he was being too noisy!

After I stopped the camera, Andrew and I really cracked up.  Nicole asked Nia what she did at school today and  I told her to tell Nicole what she had for a snack.  Although Nicole had started talking about something else, Nia just started yelling “Peanut Butter Crackers!”  She kept yelling it because she thought Nicole’s “what’s?” meant she couldn’t hear what Nia was saying but really Nicole had no idea why Nia was shouting “Peanut Butter Crackers!” at her.

I think I’m going to try that next time I get an unwanted phone call. “Hello?” “Hello Ms. Va-yez?” “Peanut Butter Crackers!”  “Ah, yes, is Ms. Va-lez there?”  “Peanut! Butter! Crackers!”

Yep.  Sounds like a plan.

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Can I Get an Amen?

12 Mar

I’ve never been an ultra-religious person.  I believe in God.  I believe in Jesus. I had weekly religious education classes as part of the Catholic faith but I was young and didn’t pay much attention. (Did I ever mention that Andrew and I grew up in the same church?   I mean, how was I supposed to pay attention to anything when I knew I might see him?)  Also, I’ve missed more Sunday masses than I’ve attended and now even when I’m there I’m not really there. It’s not because I don’t want to be (I actually really want to be), it’s because I’m a mom and moms with kids in church just don’t get to pay much attention to what’s being prayed about or preached.  So wouldn’t it figure?  Now that I want to learn and want to be there, I really can’t.

It’s something that has really been weighing on me because right now I’m experiencing a true need to be taught about God and Jesus and benefit from the guidance and strength offered through the Bible.  But now I dread even going because Nate is a maniac in church and understandably so.  He’s two years old and we’re trying to make him whisper and not act like a caged animal for roughly an hour – even when we’re in the “cry room.”  (And yes, we’ve tried every trick in the book to help him through the hour.  Snacks, toys, crayons, blankey.  Nothing works.)  Trying to teach him how to act in church (or just to be quiet) while trying to walk away from mass with something inspiring or encouraging is nearly impossible. I end up leaving frustrated and disappointed that I didn’t get anything out it.

Amazingly, I’ve found something that is uplifting me but it’s not through our church.  I never thought I would say this and truly believe it but it seems God has lead me to what I needed.  Each Wednesday, I take Nia to a nondenominational Bible school for children at a local Baptist Church.  (One of her friends invited her to it.)  Because she is so young, I am supposed to stay on the church grounds while she’s in the 90 minute school.  At first, this was awful to me.  I thought, what am I going to do during that time?  I don’t think they have have free wireless internet.  I don’t really want to just sit in the hallway and lurk while I read or book or something.  That’s when the extremely friendly director of the Bible school guided me to a room with a sign that read “Ladies Bible Study.”

Just those words intimidated me.  What business did I have entering that room?  I’m only vaguely familiar with some of the “big” Bible stories and I was certainly not one of those ladies.  They are all in the same Baptist club right?  Will they all hiss at the Catholic and hold up the Bible if I cross the threshold?

Never could I have been more ignorant.  They were so wonderful and welcoming and at the end of that study I knew I was meant to walk in that room. It’s helping me in so many ways and I’m learning things about the Bible that I never knew before and I’ve also just realized, while writing this, that I shouldn’t rely on my Sunday morning church service alone to inspire me. Inspiration and guidance is all around me everyday.  In my family, in the Bible, in my friends, in good deeds…

From now on, I will walk into church with a light heart knowing that my healthy, happy little boy is going to want to play and I am more than likely not going to hear a word of what is being said. As long as we are not bothering anyone else, I will do better to not let it bother me.  I will use the time there to thank God for His ways and show my faith to Him with my family. Maybe I’ll even get a prayer or two in as well. (For Nate to be quieter could be one of them!)

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Girls’ Night

25 Feb

Dinner for one at a trendy restaurant in Buckhead-Atlanta – $47 (two glasses of Sangria and tip included)

A glass of wine, a Coke for the designated driver and the tip at the Ritz Carlton (also in Buckhead-Atlanta) – $20

Times I feared for my life while being driven in an SUV by a girl I hardly knew – 3 (but it made for some laughs!)

Number of movies we all knew the lines to – 9

Hours I spent away from my family – 7 and a half

Fun I had while sharing a night out with the girls – Tons

How much I appreciate and love Andrew for being so cool about my night out with the girls – Immeasurable
(He even did all the dishes and put them away!)

*Thanks to my neighbor, Allison, for thinking of me and liking me enough to invite me along with her buddies!

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Mr. Rogers would be proud

21 Feb

I’ve been so fortunate to have lived next door to some really wonderful people.  I really can’t take credit for any of it – my mom and dad picked the first house and with our two houses, we had no idea who lived next to us.  Call it fate or luck or God or whatever you want to call it, but so far, we’ve had some of the best neighbors.

The neighbors I had while I was growing up are like family to me.  I’m so happy they are there for my mom and that my mom is there for them.  We’ve always had the key to their house and they’ve always had ours.  We’ve shared in ALL the happy family moments together, as well as the sad ones.  I couldn’t imagine my life without them.  I even got introduced to their culture and religion, attending Greek Bible School with them and even learning some of their language and traditions.  Words really can’t touch the appreciation and love I have for them.

When we lived in Savannah, the couple across the street helped take care of me while Andrew was deployed in Iraq and I was pregnant.  They landscaped our front yard and decorated our house for Andrew’s homecoming.  When they moved away, we tried to stay in touch.  One time, we ran into each other at the Atlanta Zoo and it was only because they recognized my laugh echoing through the trees!  I heard, “Nicole Valles, is that you?!?!”  It was a great feeling and we still continue to try to keep in touch.

Our neighbors now, Allison and James, are just as wonderful.  They’ve done the usual ‘neighborly’ thing of caring for our turtle, Clark, while we’re away and collecting our mail, but they’ve also alerted us to two outdoor spectacles that we would have missed if it wasn’t for them – the snow that fell here last month and tonight’s lunar eclipse.  Allison has even invited me to go with her and her friends for a birthday celebration this weekend in Atlanta!  I was like, “She likes me!  She really likes me!”  And so far, I haven’t done anything embarrassing to change her mind!

 

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Turning 30 with Family, Friends and Feces

12 Jan

Yum right?  I feel bad for even putting that word next to the other words.  Not just because it’s so yucky, but because I literally feel bad because of it.  Don’t worry, I won’t get all detailed or anything.  It’s just – I can’t talk about my 30th birthday without mentioning the disgusting distress Andrew and I are suffering through even now.

We’ve had this rumbly in our tumbly for the past week.  Remember when I wrote I was sick and then all better?  Well, I apparently was deceived by this blah that has taken over our bodies.  We are still able to function with it.  We even are still hungry.  But when we eat, we pay for it later.  Severely.

It all would have been a lot more tolerable if it had rudely entered our lives at a better time.  It happened to hit us right as we were getting ready to visit our family (Anna Marie, Marcus, Baby Ella and new Baby Maggie) – plus our buddies (Ginger, Lee and Baby Cami).  We called and warned them.  “We have a butt disease – still want to see us?”  They must really love us because they all said yes.  We’ll see if they still feel the same if they get it too! (Which I am praying they do not!)

It also came as I was turning 30 and Andrew had a very special surprise for me.  He had secretly invited Anna Marie and her girls plus Ginger, Lee and Cami to go to one of those Japanese restaurants where they cook in front of you.  He led me to believe we were going to an all you can eat buffet and never said anything about our friends being there!  It was so super sweet and wonderful – that is – except for our tummy troubles. Andrew and I didn’t even eat our main food. It also wasn’t such a good idea to take 4 small children to one of those restaurants. For the most part, the were entertained by the chef but Nia was not having any of the food and Nate was hysterical before the chef came (“Chicken!  French Fries!”), Ella was petrified of the fire and it was getting way late for Miss Cami. Poor Andrew.  He did such a sweet thing for me – I’m sorry it didn’t turn out as he hoped – I want him to know how much it all meant to me and that I love him bunches.

Well, despite it all – I’m 30 and I had a lot of happy memories to go along with the big day.  I got to spend my actual birthday with great friends.  Ginger and Lee sacrificed their master bedroom so the Valles Fam could crash ever so comfortably.  I got to enjoy 2 cakes – one that Andrew surprised me with and another that Ginger and I nibbled on secretly. She even made us super delicious daiquiris and a breakfast of champions the next day.

I may not be all that thrilled about turning 30 but then again – the older I get, the more time I get to spend with the people I love.  I just hope the next birthday comes without the party on the potty.

 

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