Mom “Types”

13 May

Hey, ma. You love your kid, right? You care about whether your child is sad, sick, hungry, happy, well-behaved, mannerly, respectful, treated right by others … right? I know there are trying times, but your love and protection is always there. I think that’s swell and I want you to know it.

I’ve read a few blog posts over the last few months that talk about mom “types” and they’re bringing me down. It comes to my mind even more after all the TIME magazine cover hubbub about “attachment parenting.” I’ve also heard a lot about “helicopter moms” and of course there’s always the ever-present and anger-causing divide between “working moms” and “stay-at-home moms.”

  • This blog post talks about “judgmental moms” then goes on to judge other moms by asking at the end, “Which parent type do you not like?”
  • This blog post labels all the different moms seen at the school – some are spoken highly of, some are questioned.
  • This one goes so far to talk about how much she doesn’t like moms who cut their children’s food in fun shapes but then concludes that she doesn’t like when other moms judge her.

Why are we so mean to each other? Why do we group people like this? Because it helps us relate in some way? To know our place? I can understand that there will be other people we don’t get along with or whose company we don’t necessarily enjoy, but are these moms endangering their children’s lives in some way? Are they demeaning, neglectful or abusive? Is she killing her child’s spirit? If that’s the case, I feel it’s a different thing because then she is hurting her child, not just offending others with her mom style. It seems to me the acts that the labels describe are not harmful to their children, just their mom esteem.

I am guilty of having a gut reaction to some of the parenting styles I see. I’ve actually written about it before: It’s Just Sad to Me and It Takes a Village and All That. In these cases, I feel like the parents are putting their children in direct risk of harm and I struggle with my feelings about it. I know I’ve done plenty of things that would get a head shake or a clicked tongue by some moms.

I let my kids watch tv – even in the car. They play video games. It takes me days to put away their laundry. Sometimes, they eat fast food and don’t get enough veggie servings in a day. I attempted breastfeeding for as long as I could but didn’t make myself – or my child – miserable when my body said no more. I co-slept with them. I let them cry themselves to sleep. I’ve raised my voice to them. I’ve disciplined harshly. I’ve questioned a low grade on a test and reviewed it with them to teach them. I’ve over-praised and bragged on them. I’ve loved intensely, letting their moods and feelings heavily affect mine. I’ve wondered how the heck to be a mom.

All of those things came from caring about them and about whether I was being a good mom to them, as I’m sure many of the labeled moms are trying to do. My kids seem to love and respect me – and generally think I’m ok, so far. (In fact, Nia just told me I’m the “best” and she didn’t ask for a treat after it.) Is there a mom type for that?

I kinda like them.

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Propelled

12 May

Acting on inspiration and motivation isn’t always easy. Sometimes, the moments slap you in the face and wake you up from a funk or rut. Sometimes, you fight them off and resist giving in to their magic. I would say I lived in the world of resistance. I just didn’t feel like being inspired or motivated and I didn’t have the confidence to really try to act on it.

Then, after months of watching others who felt like they couldn’t do it succeed, I thought to myself, “What the hay? Might as well give it a go. Worst that could happen is I look ridiculous or injure myself. If I don’t like it, I’ll just stop and try something else.”

I knew I would be bummed if I gave up so I set my expectations low. So low, that I didn’t make it known that I was attempting to follow the inspiration. So low, that I didn’t invest in myself or set high goals.

I put on my very old trail sneakers and well-worn yoga pants and stepped on the treadmill.

I started there, nervous to be seen on my neighborhood streets. I would walk and run and walk and run. I would try to run for an entire song. Rock! I did it. The next time, I would try to run for two entire songs. Oh yeah! Ten minutes straight? Man, that felt so good.

The treadmills at my gym automatically stopped at 45 minutes so I had a small goal to beat that time. Run/walk a 5k before it boots me off. I got so close one day. So close. I felt proud of my attempt but still frustrated. I thought maybe I should step out of my comfort zone a little more and try running through my neighborhood.

It was wonderful. I loved it. I felt faster and less focused on my running. It made the distance and time fly. (To me.) I started to understand why my husband and my good friends loved running. Inever thought I would love running – and there are times when I really hate it, but I keep going. Propelled by my determination to succeed and feel healthy.

For true runners, this is like breathing for them. I am not a true runner in the sense of speed and distance. I do now feel like a true runner in the sense of my heart is in it. It makes me feel empowered. I am accomplishing something I never thought I could. (I even bought real running shoes and running clothes!)

I am writing about this because I understand when someone says, “I am not a runner.” I was there. I still feel like that sometimes. But now, I’m on a mission to prove myself wrong. I may not be as fast as many people or have incredible form or able to run as far, but I run my race and I’m getting stronger in body and soul.

It’s moving me forward.

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My farthest run so far.

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Passion to Play

1 May

Sometimes, all I can say is wow. Wow. Did Nate just do that? How was he so quick? How did he see that happening? How did he know to do that?

At 6 years old, Nate knows more about the rules and design of baseball than many adults. (I still don’t get that infield fly rule.) Nate pays attention. He knows where the runners are and what he needs to do to help make the out. Tag the base. Tag the runner. Throw it to Second. Cover a base. He thinks without hesitation. He watches every move on the diamond, even when he’s not on it. In the dugout, he and his buddy, Jack, cling to the fence,  focused on the field excitement and anxiously awaiting their turns to bat.

I know that as they all get older, more and more players will grasp, practice and perfect all that is baseball. Now though, I just stand jaw-dropped watching Nate’s passion to play guide him out there. I was so amazed at a recent catch he made for an out while playing shortstop that I missed the immediate second out he made when he ran to Second Base to tag the runner heading toward him.

I did manage to capture some pre-wow pictures during that game. He just has so much heart and intensity. The love of the game is an incredible thing.

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Makes a Catch for an Out

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Super Stretch to Make the Catch for an Out

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Finally, time to hit!

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Got It!

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Played Hard

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Why Is Nine Afraid of Seven?

29 Apr

Because eight was so great.

Department Store Catalog Pose featuring her Fashion Creation

I know nine will be too, I’m just going through the typical parent emotion of watching the years fly by. To see Nia’s sweet, smart and caring spirit adapt to and try to understand different experiences as she figures out how to respond and feel. To see her become her own person, create her own sense of style, humor and thoughts. It is wonderful, but wild.

Trying to be serious during a fit of giggles.

Her eighth year was full of firsts and new emotions. Riding without training wheels; keeping her Barbies in the drawer and, instead, spending more time with the door to her room closed to sing and dance to the latest pop music; watching less cartoons and more human-acted TV shows and movies; falling in love with Grease (and even seeing it live as a play – thanks, Aunt Ree!); and wanting to put a little more distance between her mom or dad as she plays outsides or explores a store. (I never let her out of my sight!)

Little Mall Shopper

Now, as she starts on her ninth year, I hope she handles her new adventures and challenges with the same thought and heart that she has shown so far. She tries her best, loves a good joke (which I attempted for her with the title), knows how to laugh at herself and how to make others laugh, and most beautifully, is caring to all.

Sharing the love while she sleeps.

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From Sick to Silly

29 Apr

Her birthday party invitations asked her closest girl pals to join her at the theater for popcorn, sweets and a cute flick called “Chimpanzee.” Her request for a red velvet cupcake was going to come true and the silly favors were ready – miniature Monkeys-in-a-Barrel. Then, Strep throat struck the star of the shindig.

Party postponed.

A very saddened and sick nine-year-old cried in my arms. I wanted to cry too but amazingly (unbelievably) I didn’t ( in front of her anyway). I told her we would still have the party, but we just couldn’t today. Yes, sweet Bean, you will still get a red velvet cupcake if you want.

She slept through the time she would’ve been celebrating.

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Sicky and Sleepy

The rest was needed. A day later, thankfully, she was back to her silly self and asked for pickles. Party on.

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Feeling Better

We held the party do-over a week later and it was a success! Bean loved her birthday at the big screen – complete with giggles and chattiness that couldn’t be helped among the girlies.

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Waiting on a Catch

21 Apr

The feeling is so distinct. It has been years since I experienced it directly but I remember it each time I watch Nate on the baseball field. It’s like I can almost sense it through him.

He waits – eager, aware, knees slightly bent, ready to run, glove out, his free fist punches it to make it awake and prepared for something spectacular – a catch.

"Baseball Ready" by Dodgers' Mom, Amber

I remember what that felt like. The want of it is incredible and powerful.

Let’s go, batter. Hit it to me. I dare you. With the clang of the bat, the ball flies above the field. Above the pitcher. Above Second Base. It’s close to me. I got it. It’s mine! I run for it. Empty glove out. The slap of the ball. Heavy glove. Cheers. Elation. Ready for another.

I wasn’t a star softball player. I would actually call myself average but that doesn’t take away from that feeling. Now, I as watch Nate, I know he feels it too. He wants to field that ball. He wants the catch. He will dive out in the air for it. He’s made a few and missed a few, too. It seems the ones you miss make the ones you snag so much sweeter.

I’m thankful Nate and Andrew let me play outfield for them when they practice. I still can’t shake that feeling. Come on, Nate. Hit me a pop-up.

Waiting for my Catch

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Spring Break(ing Me Down)

19 Apr

I kid. I kid. Spring Break 2012 has been great, it’s just hard to keep these tiny customers entertained and pleased each day ’round the daylight hours without collapsing. It works out wonderfully that I get to have the week off with them and have my mom (“Honey”) here at the same time but kids will wear you down, man. I forgot what it’s like to have all the minutes in the day to enjoy with children packing limitless energy. I actually sent them to “school” for one of the days.

Really though, they got to shadow with their buddies who attend an area private school to see if it’s something they may like. They both loved it. I think we will wait a year and see how Nate handles First Grade at his current school before we decide on making a major move. It’s good to know that they both were happy there – and frozen yogurt with buds at the end of the short day was a sweet topping.

Frozen Yogurt Friends

We spent another day shopping. Nia scored her new favorite (slightly) heeled shoes and we all laughed as Nate busted a move near the CD samples of 60’s Swing near the greeting cards at Target.

Some other Spring Break hours were spent on a special daddy/son baseball night that featured Tim Hudson pitching for the Gwinnett Braves and a happy Nate with a ball.

Thanks to a Sharing, Stranger

Another fun (and brave) day involved a field trip to the Atlanta Botanical Garden thanks to my friend, Tracy, who gave us guest passes. Of course, we had an adventure figuring out how to get there when my GPS needed slapped to obey me. Then, Nate ran through most of the Garden like he was in a sprint race (and sighed out at one point, “You keep wanting to look at all the flowers!”). What I will remember most is this:

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Following the Map Readers

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Momma's Pack, Complete with Necessary First Aid Kit

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Enjoying the Exploring

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"What's in that cave?" "Boo!"

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Giant Caterpillar is Hungry

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Loved the Children's Garden

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Whoa! Bees!

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Favorite Fancy Flower

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Trying to get the frog to jump in his pocket.

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Happy Day with Honey

I guess a good Spring Break is one where the adult supervision needs a nap during the day while the kids destroy one of their rooms.

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Passing the Test

16 Apr

The gas gauge dinged at me as I pulled out of my garage with 30 minutes until my new job’s pre-employment screening.

Thirty minutes? I got this. I can make it there on time just fine.

Stopped at first station – plastic bags over the pumps.

Stopped at second station – card reader wouldn’t work.

Drove out of that station and realized I failed to close my gas cap. Seconds tick away in a bank parking lot as I get out of my car for the third time in five minutes.

The third station was a charm but I was losing valuable minutes and it was a Texaco, not my usual gas go-to. (I’m a loyal-to-one-fuel-for-my-ride kinda gal.)

Got to Human Resources right on time by my clock, but five minutes late by theirs. Everyone was very nice and I didn’t see it scribbled on any paperwork that I was late.

Went through awkward pee in the cup drug screening, TB test bubble in arm and blood draw for concerning diseases. Couldn’t understand simple instructions to fill out a form half in pencil and half in pen. Somehow, my brain shut down when it was being explained to me. This also happened during the cup collection. I kept repeating in my head, “Don’t wash hands, don’t flush toilet.” Goodness, the pressure of peeing in a cup the proper way.

When I was finally allowed to wash my hands, water soaked the front of my dress. Yes, right in that questionable “Did she have an accident?” spot.

Luckily, my dress dried with time to spare before lunch with my new boss. She showed me my – probably temporary – office. Temporary because they are still determining where the new team will be located but it will be so great to have an office for any length of time! It even has a window. I don’t know how to act.

During lunch, we had a nice time talking about the job and getting to know each other. The only awkward moment happened when I couldn’t bite through a pita chip and she very politely pretended not to notice my struggle with food half in and half out of my mouth. Of course, I had to point it out to her though. “Boy, that pita chip was harder than I expected!” She was sweet and said she’s had the same issue with them. That’s cool in my book.

Despite the hiccups here and there, I have very good feelings about what’s ahead. Plus, it only took me 25 minutes to get home! (On a full tank of gas.)

First Round of Tests Done! Ready for Next Step!

Hungry for More

15 Apr

I finished The Hunger Games book last month but couldn’t get out to see the movie until this weekend. I stayed up way past my bedtime to catch the 10 p.m. flick with my friend, Allison. After 20 minutes of trailers and such, the two hour, twenty minute adventure began.

I loved every minute of it. In fact, I wish they would’ve added a few more minutes to it to capture more of my beloved scenes from the book (Rue and also Katniss’ struggle for water). I suppose a three hour movie would be quite ridiculous.

It is so very rare that I like a movie as much as I like the book. I’m relieved this did not disappoint. There were a few scenes I played out differently in my mind but it didn’t take away from the movie at all. (I still acted them out in my head the way I wanted to as I watched.) I really enjoyed watching fresh actors in the main roles. I also really dug that the perspective of the Capitol was added. It gave an interesting look at that side.

I left there close to 1 a.m. wanting to rush home and open the second book. I waited so the story would feel more chronological to me. I’ve heard people say the second and third books aren’t as good. I’m trying to block that from my thoughts because I want to love them like I do the first.

Less bloggy, more read.

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It Was Fun

14 Apr

My employee badge is turned in, my desk is cleared out (I think … please let me know if I forgot something) and my see-you-laters were said through tears.

My time at Children’s has come to an end but the memories and friendships I made there will stay with me. I will keep them safe and hold them dear for always.

Best "Bye" Card Ever

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