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One Decade Down

2 Sep

When we told Nia we’d be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary today, she accurately and adorably pointed out, “Your marriage is older than me!” Sure, it’s not as old as others but I still think our years have a lot of stories to tell.

  • We were separated more than we were together during the first three years of our marriage but we made it work. I was a loner in Savannah while the Army had Andrew on months of training in California, an overseas mission in Kosovo and a war in Iraq. Even when we were at the same address, our job schedules kept us apart. He spoiled me by chauffeuring me 40+ miles for my weekend producing job, just so we could spend more time.
  • The time apart in the military also meant we’d be apart for Nia’s birth. It was too much for both of us and Andrew decided a civilian life was best for our family life. I know that decision was so very difficult – I’ve always felt he was born to lead and he was such an awesome soldier – I am forever grateful.
  • From Army Captain to Best Buy Sales Manager, career number two kept Andrew close to us but still wasn’t ideal for him or us. Career number three was. So much so, baby number two came into our lives.
  • Nate’s birth was so special for both of us because we got to experience it together. We didn’t find out what we were having. We both wanted it that way. (We found out with Nia because we wanted to make sure he knew while at war – just in case.) Nate’s birth had complications and an emergency c-section was necessary. Andrew didn’t waver and I will never forget the moment we shared when the doctor told us everything was ok and that we were having a boy.
  • Soon after we became a family of four, the third career offered Andrew a promotion and a relocation. This change meant I could be a stay-at-home mom while he brought home the bacon. It was wonderful until it came to an end with a layoff. It may sound odd but this is probably one of my most cherished times together. Who would think a layoff would bring such happiness? Sure, we were concerned but we both looked at it as an opportunity and a chance to spend some quality family time together. We encouraged each other as we both looked for jobs and never took ourselves too seriously. We loved to watch the movie “Fun with Dick and Jane” – quoting it and seeing the hilariously sad reality in it. (Never getting any ideas, of course.)
  • After only a few weeks of unemployment, we both found great jobs (career four for Andrew, two for me) but it meant a big adjustment to our family. Nate would now need to go to daycare again. Nia would need to go to after school. We conquered this together and continue to work hard at it.

There are so many other challenges and adventures we’ve experienced together but through it all we’ve taught each other so much. How to take better care of one another. How to be a team. How to best deal with my paranoia and worrying issues. How to not fight because there are crumbs on the counter, empty cups around the house or other quirks. How to try to be a parent.

I know the coming years are going to continue to try us and to teach us. With Andrew as my partner, best friend, favorite and love, I can’t wait. Besides, I figure he’s stuck with me for another five or six decades. Then, we’ll really be older than Nia.

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Better Than Turbo Jets

29 Aug

What happens when you take 100% polyester shorts and put them on an incredibly intense four-year-old? You get speed you would not expect to come from such a small body. (Go to about :30 in to see him take off.)

Nate dubs them his “fast pants” because he believes they help him run faster. He wants to wear them everywhere. We’ve even planned for it – buying one pair for almost every day of the week –

Assortment of Fast Pants

I tell him his shorts aren’t what makes him fast but he won’t hear it. Probably because he doesn’t stand still long enough for me to explain it to him.

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Sick Days

28 Aug

Nate recently had a run-in with some germs. The germs were unwelcome but the sick days together were not. I cherish the time we got to spend together and the memories that were made.

  • I learned that while many kids say boy and boat starts with the letter B, Nate prefers to use baseball teams to learn his sounds and letters. “Braves and Brewers start with B!”
  • Nate is perfectly content watching baseball highlights on “Quick Pitch” over and over again – even if it’s repeats. I actually think he likes it more because he feels proud knowing what’s going to happen.
  • Even when he’s sick, he tries to act out baseball. I told him he wasn’t allowed to run so he walked. Then, I noticed he wasn’t in the living room and that his bedroom door was closed. When I opened it, I found him with his Braves hat and glove on, lying on his belly with his gloved arm stretched out like he just dove to catch a ball. He looked so guilty and hilarious.
  • The boy can play the board game “Memory” continually. He is awesome at it. A champion. (And I am trying to win.)
  • He is such a comforting cuddler.

Sicky, Sleepy Boy

I’m glad Na-Nate is feeling better and hated he was sick but I also can’t help be a little thankful for the precious time we spent together.

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Sweet-n-Sour Siblings

14 Aug

I will always be amazed at the way siblings interact with each other. I’m a sibling. I have many friends/relatives who have siblings. I even birthed a pair.

How can we go from hot to cold in a matter of seconds? Fighting with each other one minute and then holding each other tight the next. I know some siblings don’t work that way – some don’t speak to each other at all – so I guess I should be thankful that, so far, Nia and Nate seem to have the sweet and sour part perfected.

Some of the sour includes:

  • Instant tattling – no matter what the offense. Look at each other mean? Tattle. Didn’t brush teeth long enough? Tattle. Elbows on the table while we are sitting right next to the offender? Tattle.
  • Intensely competitive – even if it’s just who gets to the sink first to wash hands. One of them has to beat the other. When that other loses, he/she immediately accuses the winner of not being fair or cheating. The Wii really gets them firing fighting words at each other.
  • Speaking of fighting, remember Nate’s punch that knocked out Nia’s tooth? There was also a time when Nate ripped a handful of hair out of Nia’s head. And once when Nia shoved Nate’s noggin into the wall. I think that’s it for now. I’m sure there will be more though.
  • Remote control hogs – they hardly ever agree on what to watch.
  • They live to annoy each other. Whether it’s Nia touching Nate’s head, putting her foot on him or Nate standing in the way of the tv, they don’t stop the annoying behavior until an adult steps in and even then it lingers.

I like to believe all of this sweet outweighs the sour:

  • They usually “take one for the team” – Nia swiped some cauliflower off of Nate’s plate to help him eat it because she knows he’s not a big fan. She even took food right out of her mouth for him (yes, gross) – a half-eaten lollipop. He didn’t hesitate to crunch into it.
  • Nate can be chivalrous at times – letting Nia use his special blankey if she’s cold and telling her she looks pretty when she’s dressed fancy.
  • Nia can be Nate’s biggest cheerleader (when they aren’t competing against each other) and Nate loved to watch his big sister shine on stage at her dance recital. I’ve even heard them exchange a “good job” from time to time.
  • They can be great sharers when they want to be – Nia offers Nate her toys and Nate will offer his Memory game match as a trade if he knows it’s a pair Nia would like. (She always wants to trade for the “girl” cards.)
  • They giggle and crack each other up when no one else knows why they’re laughing – speaking a special language only they understand.
  • They take care of each other – holding hands when crossing the street or parking lot and Nia helping Nate to tie his shoes.
  • I’m pretty sure I’ve witnessed more hugs then hits. (Makes my heart so happy!)

I hope this mix of the sweet and sour doesn’t lean too much any one way. Balance is important and besides, the challenges keeps things interesting and teaches them to deal with different situations/personalities.

Then again, more of the sweet would be nice.

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Threw Away the Receipt

8 Aug

In a little less than a month, Andrew and I will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. I couldn’t ask for a better partner/roomie to grow old and put up with. When things get challenging, nerves are tried and the quirks add up, I will remind him that the receipt is thrown away and he can’t return/exchange me.

Here are just a few of my favorite “you married me” moments:

  • You pile your dirty socks near the side of the bed. I never put clean clothes away.
  • I am a moody girl. You check my birth control pills to see if there’s a valid reason for it.
  • You snore. I don’t hear it when I’m sleeping. When I’m watching tv though, watch for a pillow to be thrown.
  • I worry about everything like soap getting in Nate’s eyes. You rarely worry and respond to me with statements like, “The ceiling could also fall down on his head.”
  • You leave crumbs on the counter. I park too close to your work bench.
  • I ask flighty questions and have many brain fart moments. (For example, not getting simple jokes or taking a few seconds longer than I should to figure out what word was just spelled to me.) After you look at me in shock for a minute, you don’t make me feel dumb, you make me feel endearing.
  • You bring me home flowers when you go to the store each week. I bring you home my car that needs filled with gas.
  • I let cups collect on my bathroom sink. You build cup towers with them.
  • You love me. I love you back. Swoon.

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No Crayola? Not Cool.

27 Jul

The season of school supply shopping is here. The kids start back to school in less than a week so we were forced to deal with side-by-side shoppers sifting through the special displays, slim pickings and deciphering the supply lists from the teachers. (I usually end up with one or two things that I can never match to their lists.)

This year, I had more on my mind than just successfully checking off the list in one trip. I started to think about whether Nia will be judged by other kids based off what folder, notebook or brand name crayon she had in her desk. Yes. I worry about a lot of stuff, a lot.

She wanted (and got) a Barbie folder. I couldn’t help but wonder, is that ok for a second grader to sport? I don’t know what’s cool and even if I did, should it matter? I know it shouldn’t but I also want to eliminate as many obstacles as possible from her new school year. I remember things like brand name clothes and sneakers being status symbols when I was in school. Even if you’re decked out in some GAP, Hollister or whatever’s cool these days, I tend to believe the in-crowd kids will still find something to pick on others about. I guess that’s more of a reason not to care. Andrew actually had the opposite concern, he was worried her Barbie/fancy school loot would make other children feel bad because they want horses and cats to hold their homework as well.

Just to be safe, I grabbed some plain purple folders too.

Cool Enough/Too Cool for School?

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“Mini-Me”

22 Jul

Many kids look like one of their parents. Resemblance among family members is a pretty common thing. You hear things like, “You have your mother’s smile.” “… your dad’s ears.” “… your grandpa’s balding pattern.” What Nia hears is a little different.

Strangers sometimes act floored when they see us together. One of our CVS clerks can’t get enough of how much we look alike. When Nia isn’t with me at the store, the clerk asks where my “mini-me” is and then proceeds to announce to her coworkers, “her little girl looks JUST like her!”

Sure, I can see a resemblance but I also see her. I see Nia. Not me. She is uniquely and adorably herself and it’s hard for me to believe I could be as precious. When she hears, “You look just like your momma,” what does she feel? Right now, probably nothing. But what about when she gets older? What if she grows to resent it?

I also never know how to react to people’s reactions. I respond politely. I thank them. Tell them my genes beat my husband’s. Smile. Then, I turn to Nia and say, “You look like you. Don’t you Sweets?” Beautiful, beautiful Bean.

Mommy & Bean

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Ninja Warrior In-Training

18 Jul

Apparently, I missed the parenting memo that said it’s ok to scale the furniture if your son is “being a Ninja Warrior.” (It’s an obstacle course tv show that Nate watches with Andrew.)

I caught Nate climbing over the back of the couch tonight and quickly corrected him. He replied, “But I’m being a Ninja Warrior, mommy.” His daddy thought his feat and response to me should be praised. Andrew gave a big laugh and told Nate, “I love you buddy. You know that? I love you.”

Yes. It was beyond precious. It stole my heart. I’m just afraid of what’s in store for Nate’s safety, the furniture and how far the training will go.

Scaling the house is off-limits.

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I used to write a sex column…

17 Jul

so why am I such a prude and conservative when it comes to certain things? Those things all involve the upbringing of children in the areas of sex and violence.

Let’s start with what sells – sex. It’s fantastic, right? Talking about it, thinking about it, watching it, having it. Great stuff, that sex. I just am finding it difficult to deal with how even the most common children’s cartoons demonstrate sexual attraction. What Nate is learning by watching these cartoons is that when he sees a pretty lady he’s supposed to call her hot, whistle, pop his eyes out of his head, make that arooga noise and pant. I know male cartoon characters have been portrayed like that since before our parents were kids but I find it, well, STUPID. I can tell Nate, it’s not the best idea to act that way when you see a beautiful girl but if popular culture says it’s ok, does my small voice matter?

The same is true for violence or how anger is handled on tv, movies, music or even during a skit at a baseball game. Someone make you mad? Give ’em a knuckle sandwich, push them down, kick ’em where it counts, play a nasty trick on them and call them names the whole time. I counter with a, “That’s not nice, is it? Here’s what you should do instead…” But again, how long will my voice win over what they continually see as acceptable behavior? Heck, sometimes the fighting is cheered. Yay! Go get ’em!

I find myself even having to correct commercials now. For example, it’s not nice to stick your tongue out at people. Right? This mom says so and it took some time for us to get that through to Nate. When we finally did, what do we see? A mini-van commercial where a little boy outsmarts some other kids then sticks his tongue out at them. That little tongue-sticker-outer is the “good” kid. Great.

It is my responsibility to raise my children to the best of my ability. I take that on wholeheartedly. I do not expect movies, cartoons, commercials or songs to teach my children proper behavior and I don’t want to shelter my children from them. I just wish they didn’t contradict me all the time. I guess my cartoon would be pretty boring.

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Forever a Fan

15 Jul

Many of us have something we cherish from childhood. Whether it is a memory with a loved one we hold onto, a favorite stuffed animal or book, or a movie or song that takes us back. But what happens when you grow to dislike the thing you treasured so much? It happened to Andrew, with his love of baseball.

He tells stories about being little and watching Cal Ripen, Jr., his ultimate favorite player. He talks about how he detests the Braves because they beat the Pirates out of going to the World Series in 1992. He collected baseball cards, player figurines and helmets from games. He almost caught a foul ball from a regular season Pirates game but a man stole it from his 10-year-old hands.

It’s hard to believe that all that love for something could fade but a baseball strike and the steroid scandal that plagued the sport for years really wore on his respect for the game. The atmosphere changed. The integrity. The desire to play because you love the game. Not because you want to make more money or break records.

Andrew may have continued to feel that way if it wasn’t for his little boy. Nate has a pure, untarnished love for baseball. The sport brings him shear happiness without any of the politics and controversies to cloud it. He asks his daddy questions about the game, teams and players. He asks his daddy who to root for and who to boo. He asks his daddy to play. His spirit is contagious and Andrew loves watching the sport through his son’s eyes. It’s helped him find the fan he used to be.

I love being a spectator to their baseball bond and am so excited to share in their love of the sport.  (And spoil them with gear proudly displaying their favorite team.)

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