Tag Archives: emotional

Emotionally Yours

23 Apr

They said the same thing three weeks ago. I didn’t think twice about it. I even likely laughed with them. Ha, good one. Not offended at all. Didn’t read into it. Took it for exactly what it was. Maybe it was a one sentence email. Maybe it was an all-in-good-fun comment made in the kitchen. No issues.

Then, three weeks pass. So, what are you trying to say? You don’t think I do a good job. He’s criticizing me. I can’t do anything right. Ohnoyou’renotgonna use that email tone with me, lady.

I now know to stop and readjust my mindset before letting those emotional thoughts flood my sanity. That took me some time to realize and I still struggle with it. Especially if other factors are hitting that week – lack of sleep, major event planning, kid struggles …

What is proving really tough for me now though is that we’re starting to see glimpses of this in Nia. Emotional changes she/we can’t link to anything. She was fine when I said those same three words to her before – now, I’m the meanest person in the world and she can’t stop crying.

I know it’s part of life and we get through it but it hurts that I can’t rationalize it away for her. I see myself so much in her. We are such sensitive souls and then the emotional swings intensify our moods. I know she will need to sort through these powerful emotions and learn how to best deal with them without becoming a crazy. It’s just so difficult for me to not be able to help her understand. Why did that make you so upset? Whoa, Bean, what happened? Where are all these tears coming from? My words of comfort and support aren’t enough to calm her. Sometimes, she just needs to get it all out. I get it.

In a way, it feels like we just go through the stages of growing up over and over again. The toddler years featured many unexplainable and inconsolable fits. Then, after a nap, snack or time out, it was all better. I wish it’ll be that easy. (Although it certainly wasn’t easy at the time going through the toddler stage.) I just know this will be a much longer phase and I plan to do all I can to handle with care – and not let my emotions get away with me too.

Bean                                     |                                               Mom

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So Emotional

6 Oct

He can go from extreme tears to hysterical laughter in just seconds. Especially, if I ask him to stop playing baseball for a few of those seconds to pose for a picture.

"I don't want to take a picTURE."

From Mr. Whiney Pants to Mr. Laughy Pants

Can I play baseball now?

 

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Gets Me Every Time

27 Jan

I don’t know why I do it to myself.  I just can’t help it.  For some reason, I enjoy (?) watching the same movies over and over again even though I know they are going to make me cry.  And, I don’t just mean a few tears.  I mean, I cry.  Hard.  My body shakes. My chin quivers. I leak so much liquid from my face that my sleeves alone aren’t enough to handle the mess.  Even after I’m finished sobbing and I’m calm, the tears still sneak out of my eyes. Slowly sliding down the sides of my face.

I even get mad if something happens to prevent me from crying during a movie.  For example, if Andrew stares at me and smiles when he knows I’m about to cry – ah!  I end up having to tell him to stop looking at me and then all that built up emotion is ruined and I can’t cry anymore!  I really wanted to cry dammit!

What is all that about?!

One of the worst (best?) movies that has the power of me is The Green Mile.  It’s been on a lot lately and we’ve watched it a lot.  It gets me every time.  I lose it.  One of the times I was actually ironing something – so there I was – standing, bawling, iron in my hand, frozen, hysterical.  Even the Disney cartoon Mulan does it to me.  The kids will be watching it and I’ll be cooking or cleaning through the majority it and then, I pay attention to it for a few minutes.  That’s all it takes.

I guess, maybe it’s not so much that I enjoy watching sad movies. I think I’m just an emotional person who enjoys movies.  Whether sad or funny or a thriller or a sci-fi flick, I am addicted.  Especially to the ones that are powerful, beautiful, touching, hilarious, surprising, real and an overall amazing piece of entertainment.  For me though, there’s a lot of those. They bring tears to my eyes just thinking about them…

How about you?
 

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Blah

30 Mar

Warning: The entry you’re about to read contains whining and bitching. If you are not in the mood for misery stop reading here and wait for a new “normal” Nicole entry.

If you are still reading then let me say I warned you.  Since you are still reading you might be wondering why I feel the need to let you all know about the yuck I’m feeling.  I guess it’s because I’m trying to get rid of it and I thought venting about it might help.  We’ll see…

For no known specific reason I’ve been feeling really cranky and down these past two days and it’s not even “that time”.  My typically short temper is even more short and I feel awful because Nia is getting the worst of my mood because she’s been testing me with unusually bratty behavior.  I feel like I’m yelling at her/correcting her all day long and I just want to stop.  Maybe she’s acting so different because she’s cranky too and this is just how it’s coming out in her?  I don’t know about that but I do know that I HATE feeling this way and really wish something could get me out of the funk I’m in.  BLAH.

Just so you know how blah I’m feeling – here’s a short list of things that have really irked me in the last 36 hours – they are things that otherwise don’t bother me:

  • The teen bagger at Publix commenting on my groceries “Oh, salsa, sour cream, chips – someone’s going to have a fiesta tonight!” I mean whatever!  Just bag ’em buddy!  I would really hate to hear what he’d say if I was buying condoms,  ky and  whipped cream!
  • The crapload of pollen that is caked on everything – the pavement, mailbox, porch, cars…
  • Nate not taking his naps.
  • Nia repeating the same thing over and over again or me having to repeat the same thing over and over again to her.
  • Sanjaya still on American Idol – it didn’t bother me Wednesday night when it was announced but by Thursday afternoon I was disgusted.
  • Getting endless “mortgage insurance” forms in the mail even after I’ve sent them back with “No thank you. Please stop sending these” written on them.

What’s even worse is I just don’t know what’s causing this mean face I’m wearing.  Everything’s been going great here – we just had a really nice visit from Andrew’s sister and our adorable baby niece, we have money to pay bills, a roof over our heads, tons of food and Easter treats to pig out on, plus love is everywhere in this house so what the hell do I have to be cranky about?  Maybe I’m not eating enough of the salty junk food or carbs that I love.  I’ve been trying to eat healthier so that may be what it is!  Some drinking might help as well!  That’s it!  I am prescribing myself a bag of chips and a few White Russians!  The next time I write I will be cheerful and drunk!

 

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I Will Not Cry

6 Mar

I am going to try to get through this without letting a tear slide down my face. I can’t promise they won’t fill up my eyes but I will try to hold them in there until I’ve at least published this.

I just want to brag about my friends.  I feel so very lucky to have such great buddies.  They brighten my days and spoil me with their love.  I know I may not always get to talk to them as often as I would like but when I do it’s so much fun and I always feel less-stressed after our conversations.  I’m so glad they don’t give up on me when I don’t call for awhile. I couldn’t imagine my life or my family’s life without you in it.

Lately, I’ve been feeling really bad about how things are now with a good college friend I had.  She was even in our wedding and was a great friend and it makes me sad to think that we just lost touch.  It’s really my fault.  She got married about two years ago and I completely forgot to send a present or even a card.  It happened around the time I found out baby number 2 was on the way and I just got caught up in myself and now I can’t forgive myself.  I didn’t get a Christmas card from her in 2005 but then one came this past Christmas and I just lost it.  Now, every day that goes by I want to call her and pour my heart out to her telling her what I jerk I am and asking for her forgiveness.

DARN IT!  A little tear got out!  It’s made it to my cheek and now is creeping down my neck!  SNEAKY TEAR!

Oh well, I do plan on calling her – I just don’t want to be a big, blubbering fool and her be on the other end of the phone thinking, “do I really want this psycho back in my life?”

All I can do now is thank my friends who allow this psycho to be in their lives now – I only hope I am as good a friend to you as you are to me.

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