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Confessions of a Crazy Mom

21 Oct

There are points during the day when I know I must look a lunatic.  I know I feel like one.

  • When I’m trying to hold Nate as he’s fighting to get away from me – sometimes he ends up pulling down my shirt so far that I give a show (it really happened at the Georgia Aquarium!), other times he tries to climb up my stomach – either way I feel like I’m so out of control and must look ridiculous.
  • When I’m trying to get Nia ready for school – I can’t even guess how many times I have to tell her to get moving in the morning – get on the potty – get dressed – start eating – I feel like I’m such a freak saying it over and over again.  We usually wake up with plenty of time for her dilly-dalliness but we’re usually rushing to leave the house because she just doesn’t do what she’s supposed to do when she’s supposed to do it.
  • When I’m trying to cook dinner – this is when Nate stands at my legs, screaming at me, pushing me around the kitchen.
  • When I’m trying to read a magazine/do bills/think for a second!  – Our little talker (Nia) will not give me a moment of silence!
  • When I’m trying to figure out directions in the car – same thing with the talker – she just keeps going and going and going.  She also constantly asks questions that she knows the answers to!  This drives me especially bonkers.  The other day she asked, “Momma, what does R start with?”  I know you might think that’s an innocent question by a little kid, but it came after several other questions like, “Why are we in the car?” and “What is Nate’s name?”
  • When I’m trying to break up a fight between Nia and Nate – Nia completely freaks out and is impossible to calm down.  I feel like a total crazy mom because I have to rip them apart and scream at them to stop it.
  • When I’m trying to keep Nate from climbing things or taking a dive off of things – he just will not stop – he keeps going back to whatever it is I’m trying to keep him from – it just gets so tiring and frustrating.
  • When I’m trying to get Nate to stop soaking the entire bathroom while splashing like a crazy man in the tub – more water ends up outside the tub and drenches me.
  • Anytime between 4:30 pm and 6:00 pm – I don’t know what it is about that time of the day – it’s like the kids are especially cranky or something and I’m exhausted so it’s just a bad combo.  This is when it’s White Russian time!

There are many other situations that make me feel like a looney but my brain hurts after thinking of all of those!  I’ve been wanting to write this out for a few days now but just didn’t want to put myself through it!

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I’m Gonna Copy Too!

4 Oct

After reading Anna’s and Ginger’s 8 Things – I couldn’t pass this up – it just makes me think and that’s good sometimes.

8 Things I’m passionate about

1. My little family unit (Andrew, Nia and Nate)
2. The rest of our family
3. My friends
4. Joe-Boy (even though he drives me crazy sometimes!)
5. Movies/TV
6. Music
7. This blog (what can I say?)
8. Pathetic celebrity gossip

8 Things I want to do before I die
1. Celebrate 50 years of marriage with Andrew
2. Watch my kids grow up without struggling/suffering
3. Pay off our debt!
4. Own fun toys like a Harley, a boat and a Winnebago (Andrew and I will need something to do as we reach our 50th!)
5. Venture overseas – Italy, Ireland and Greece are on the top of my list
6. Get a tattoo  (why?  I have no idea – maybe just to be brave enough to do it.)
7. Get published for real (and actually make money off of it!)
8. Write a love story (I’m a sap what can I say?) or maybe some erotica (hey sex sells right? We’re gonna need some way to pay for the stuff on this list!)

8 things I say often
1. “Be careful.”
2. “I love you.”
3. “Nathan!  Stop screaming/fighting/pushing/hitting/whatever he’s doing wrong!”
4. “Nia! Share with your brother!”
5. “He’s all mine.” (Usually said after Andrew burps, farts or is caught doing some other yuck.)
6. “What do you want for dinner/lunch/breakfast?”
7. “I’m sorry.” (I say this too much!)
8. “Joey!  BE QUIET!”

8 shows I’ve recently watched
1. Heroes
2. House
3. Chuck
4. The Bachelor (don’t judge me – there’s just something about it that makes me laugh)
5. Dancing with the Stars (I don’t know why I watch this- I usually end up fast forwarding through most of it)
6. Sponge Bob (laughed out loud to it!)
7. Back to You
8. The Contender (I like boxing)

8 songs I could listen to over and over
1. “Say Goodbye” – Dave Matthews Band
2. “This Ain’t a Scene…” – Fall Out Boy
3. “U + Ur Hand” – Pink
4. “This Woman’s Work” – Kate Bush
5. “Lovestoned” –  Justin Timberlake
6. “Precious Things” – Tori Amos
7. “Song for the Dumped” – Ben Folds Five
8. “Jessie’s Girl” Rick Springfield

8 things that attract me to my best friends
1. We mesh without effort
2. I can really laugh with them
3. They are ALWAYS there for me and never make me feel like I owe them something in return
4. They truly care – when I cry they want to cry too – when I’m mad they’re mad too
5. We like to do the same kinds of things
6. They never judge me
7. They have respect for themselves and others
8. They like me!  They really like me!

8 things I’ve learned this past year
1. I can be a full time mom!  I can do it!
2. Exercise is awesome. It’s helped me to lose weight I never thought I could and feel worlds better
3. It’s really hard/stressful finding good doctors.
4. We can survive without an SUV
5. When looking to buy a house – note where the chicken feed plants are.  (Or any stinky plants.)
6. Earwigs are awful, nasty things that make me want to lose it but roaches are far worse.
7. I’m slowly going gray.
8. I’m okay with not working in TV news.

8 things I’m thankful for (I added this one)
1. Andrew
2. Our beautiful children
3. That I’m able to stay at home with the kids
4. Our wonderful families
5. Great friends
6. Good TV
7. White Russians
8. Laptop computers with wireless internet!

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It’s Just Sad to Me

17 Sep

Let me start by saying, I really do not like to judge/question other parents.  I mean, who am I to say someone is a bad parent?   For the most part, as long as you love your child, do the best you can to provide for them and genuinely care about their well-being than who am I to criticize you for not washing their crib sheets enough or for letting them drink a soda?  I do things wrong all the time when it comes to this parenting thing but I want to believe that as long as I keep trying to do my best to keep them secure, happy and healthy that I’m doing ok.

That being said – here’s what’s “just sad to me.”  Last week, I went to the urgent care because I thought I caught what the kids had.  As I was waiting, two women came in and they had four children with them.  One was around Nate’s age and was dressed in her nightgown (she was the sicky one), another two little girls seemed to be around 3 or 4 years old and they each were wearing a t-shirt and their britches.  Nothing else.  No pants, no shoes, no socks.  Just their shirts and their underwear.

I try to think why the women would bring them in like that.  Maybe they spilled their juice in the car on the way here and it soaked their pants, socks and shoes.  Maybe they can’t afford pants, socks, shoes.  (But the other child – an older boy – has pants, socks and shoes on – why don’t they?)  I try to think of all the practical reasons I could as to what would ever make me take Nia out in public like that.  I really couldn’t.  Because if I was in the exact situation, I would have one of the women stay in the car with the girls.

Ok fine – so I questioned them on that but that actually wasn’t the worst of it.  As I was going to leave, the little girls were running willy-nilly across the busy parking lot.  Oh yeah – did I mention it was raining too?  No shoes, no pants, rain and cars.  How could I ever find a reason this would be acceptable/understandable?  I know kids will be kids but it wasn’t like the woman with them was even trying to keep them safe.

I did say to myself – at least they brought the sick little girl to the doctor.  That shows they care, right?

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Experiencing Technical Difficulties

18 Aug

We are yet again having issues with our internet connection.  We pay 60 bucks a month for Comcast “High Speed” blah, blah blah and are usually internet-less once a month.  They told me the earliest they could get a technician out to us was NEXT Saturday!  We’ll see.  Andrew called them several times and gave them his best disgruntled customer routine and they now tell us someone will be visiting tomorrow.  I’m not holding my breath but I’m really hoping.

The only way I can type this now is because we’re using Andrew’s cell phone wireless thingee-ma-jig. Hopefully, we’ll be back online soon.
 

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And I Thought the Tree Frogs Were Bad

10 Aug

In Savannah, we had tree frogs. For the most part, they would just hang out on our sliding glass door and croak very loudly (had to turn the television up) and poop very excessively (it was EVERYWHERE).  Occasionally, one would get in our house.  Sometimes, we would find it dead the next day (yum) but other times we would actually witness the little guy jumping inside and then frantically leaping around trying to figure out where the heck it was and why a terrifying scream was filling its ears.  Of course, that terrifying scream was coming from a terrified me – as the frog freaked out trying to get to safety, I freaked out trying to find something to catch it.  Don’t worry – I never killed one – on purpose (it was an accident, I swear).  Andrew and I actually came up with an easy (and frog-friendly) way of returning them to the outdoors.  We took two cups (that I threw away immediately after the capture and release) and chased the frog until we were able to scoop him up.

As I was going through that whole frog thing, I remember feeling that I thought it was so horrible that I had to deal with it.  I would hate having to put the dog outside because I was scared I would let a frog in – or worse, it would jump on my head or something.  Now, I wish all I had to deal with were the frogs.  Now, I have to deal with these:

Earwig pic from Wikipedia
Earwig pic from Wikipedia

 

 

 

 

 

Earwigs.  Or as I call them under my breath as I hunt them down every day – “muthafockas.”

They seem to come out of nowhere.  Just in the few minutes I’ve been writing this I’ve killed 5 of them and they were 5 that had not visibly been in the room with me when I began this blog.  Now, I keep stopping every sentence or so to see if I spot any little moving black lines on the carpet. It has been my mission (and tragedy) for the past few weeks.

This blog will not even begin to describe to you just how awful this is for me.  When we first moved in, I saw a few of them and immediately called the exterminator.  (For those of you who don’t know – I am a total bug-o-phobe.)  I believed the exterminator did the trick.  We hadn’t seen an earwig from December through June.  He came back to spray in July but they obviously didn’t get the hint.  I had him come back to spray last week and still the nasty little mo-fos live.  I kill anywhere from 10 to 20 around the house a DAY.  Nia and Nate even find them.  Nia will yell, “Momma, I found an earwig!” and I can always tell when Nate finds one because he gets really quiet (which is rare) and stares at the floor.

I have researched these things online and it has not given me any peace of mind.  I am now totally grossed out by one article that said earwigs are nocturnal and like to crawl under the covers.  Whether it’s true or not – I’m ruined!  Also, just knowing that there’s a “myth” out there that earwigs get their name because they burrow themselves into people’s ears – AGH!  And then, I just read some lady’s blog about her earwig infestation and she said they were on her toilet seats and in their beds and that 30 to 40 of them would come crawling out of the wall at one time!  One of the more disturbing of our earwig tales involves Andrew having to very quickly (and quietly) scoop one out of the bathtub while the kids were in there.  (Do you have the willies yet?)  It’s not even like we have a messy house or anything!  I vacuum every other day (Joey is shedding) and sweep around the table after every meal (Nate is a major crumb-causer).  I bet our house was built on an earwig colony or something – like “Poltergeist” only earwig style.

I’m just so exhausted with this whole thing.  It’s really wearing on me.  What makes it even harder is that I feel like I’m the only one who really cares that our house is being invaded.  Andrew will kill them if he sees them but he doesn’t really think it’s a big deal. I actually prayed today and asked to please make the earwigs go away so I wouldn’t have to kill them anymore.  I’m just so tired of it all.  I just want to be able to relax in my own home and not have to worry about whether something’s going to crawl on me or my kids while they sleep.

I plan to call my exterminator again tomorrow because then it will have been a full week since his last spray – I just get concerned about all that spraying around the kids.  I mean, it doesn’t seem to have any effect on the “muthafocken” earwigs so it should be ok – but then again…

Maybe a plea to them would help – “Please earwigs – go back outside so I don’t have to kill you anymore.  I’m sorry if our house smashed your home – we have a nice backyard for you to enjoy though.  We’re not any fun in here anyway – I don’t have a lot of plants for you to eat and I’m sure you find no entertainment in “So You Think You Can Dance” so please just find your way outside and have a long, joyous life anywhere but within our house.   Thanks so much for cooperating. Sincerely, The one who keeps squashing you with anything she can grab.”

It’s worth a shot – at this point I’ll try just about anything.

 

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Weighing on My Mind

6 Aug

I really didn’t want to blog about this but I’m now thinking that if I put it out there it might help me stay on track.  I’ve become inspired by my friend Roxann who is now successfully on her way to a healthier her.  Each week, she shares how her weight loss is going (you are doing so awesome Roxann!) and since I’m struggling with mine, I thought that if I wrote about my frustrations it would kind of kick my butt in gear to try and do better.

Three weeks ago, I was at my lowest weight since having either of the kids.  The scale read 135.6. It was an awesome feeling to step on that thing and have it glow those numbers at me.  Now though, the numbers are growing instead of shrinking and I’m getting a little discouraged.  Today, the scale told me I was 138.6.  That means I gained 3 pounds in 3 weeks!  With all the company we had last month I wasn’t watching what I was eating like I should have been or exercising like I had been and now it’s hard to get back in line.  I still weigh less than I did in April (144) but after seeing the smaller numbers it’s just a bummer.

I am using this blog to be the kickoff to my new attempt at a smaller me.  I don’t have much to loose – I just wanted to get below 130.  125 is ideal but I will be happy with 130 (so I tell myself now).  From this blog forward, I will follow my diet and continue to work hard at the gym.  I have a goal to lose a pound a week before we hit the beach in September – hopefully, this confession will help me stick to it!

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It’s Valles, not Valles

26 Jun

Today, I got what looks like great coupons from Target.  The problem is – I can’t read them.  They’re in Spanish and there is no English translation.

It’s not the first time someone thought we were Hispanic because of our last name. Even Monica thought we were when she first met us and she is an English as a Second Language teacher!  I called her and told her she needs to read me the restrictions because I could tell by the pictures of the products that I might want to use a few of them!

Andrew says I should go in and talk all redneck – asking if I could still use ’em being that I don’t habla Espanol and all.

Oh, if you don’t get what the title of the blog is about, click here.  Andrew and I think this Saturday Night Live skit is pretty funny.

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Controversial Subject (But I Have to Vent)

18 Jun

Today, Nia and I went to a shoe store and had a really nice time picking out some flip-flops for her to wear to the pool. She picked out a pair that she called “Belle” (as in Beauty and the Beast) shoes.  They actually have a tiny little heel! After we found those gems for only 5 bucks (and a few others for her, Nate and myself), we got in line.  Here’s where the controversy begins.

I got in line behind a man who was trying to return some shoes.  As if returning merchandise isn’t enough of a pain, the man did not speak English and the two teenage girls behind the counter did not speak Spanish.  Also, this shoe store’s return policy is pretty strict (I think effed up) so that did not make matters any better.

Cashier – “Sir, you want to return these?”
The man replies with a nod and says a few words in Spanish.  I actually recognized the word “si” but couldn’t catch the others.

Cashier – “Do you have your receipt?”  (pointing to a piece of paper he has in his hand)
He hands it to her and then she asks him for his Georgia Driver’s License (again using a hand gesture trying to demonstrate ID card).
He gives a card from his wallet.
She looks blankly at it and then asks him if he has anything that shows his Georgia address on it.
He replies in Spanish.  She has no idea.
She asks him if he lives in Winder.  He nods.  She asks him where – he says nothing.
She then consults with the other teen behind the counter who shrugs her shoulders and tells her she should call the boss.

The line grew behind me.  The tension grew in the air. His wife and child sat in their truck right outside the window watching.

She tells her boss it’s an International Driver’s Permit and that it does not have a local address on it and that it also expired in January of this year. She hangs up and then has to try to explain to him that because he does not have a valid Georgia Driver’s License or current International Permit he cannot return the shoes because their return policy requires a valid ID.

After she shook her head a few times and said sorry, he storms off then squeals his tires as he angrily drives away.

Ok, so here’s my beef.  First, the store’s return policy is ridiculous!  (By the way this is a chain shoe store, not just a local one.) As printed on my receipt (in English only), the store wants the receipt, positive ID and phone number.  I know, I know, they’ll say it’s to protect you, the costumer, from someone else getting your money.  HOWEVER, they don’t ask for that much when you buy the freakin’ shoes so why do they need that much to get YOUR own money back.  Dude had his receipt and the shoes were still in the boxes – I mean come on!  It was his money!

My other issue – I thought it was just so wrong that those girls were the ones who felt like the bad guys because they didn’t speak Spanish.  I could tell they were frustrated and felt uneasy dealing with the situation all by themselves.  I had 3 years of Spanish classes in high school and I still don’t feel comfortable or knowledgeable speaking the language so I could only imagine what those girls felt like.

The last thing – dude drove away on his “EXPIRED” International Driver’s Permit!!!!

The whole thing just made me so disturbed on both sides.  Part of me felt bad for the guy because all he wanted to do was return some shoes but the other part of me was wondering why he didn’t have a valid ID and if he should even be behind the wheel!

I just know I’m going to make sure I meet the requirements before I even enter that store with a return.  If I don’t I’ll just have to give the shoes away or something.
 

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The Volvo has a Boo-Boo

8 Jun

So Andrew doesn’t even own the car for a week and someone rear-ends him while he was stopped at a red light!  No worries about Andrew – he was not hurt at all. Apparently, a guy driving a MAC truck with a flatbed trailer let off his clutch and hit the back of the Volvo.  It damaged the bumper and cracked a tail light.  $1000 to repair!  Now I know why people would always say not to hit a BMW, Volvo, Mercedes…

The guy who owns the truck totally has to pay for it.  It’s just crazy and kind of funny because Andrew has a terrible track record when it comes to cars.  (None of it is his fault he will be sure to tell you!)  He wrecked his so-new-it-was-built-for-him Chevy S10 ZR2 pickup before we made the first payment on it.  He totaled our first Chevy Malibu Maxx and now this!  We joke that every new car we get should go to me first.  So far, I’ve only wrecked one.  (Well, two if you count that rental car!)  Hopefully, I haven’t just jinxed myself!

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Doctor Drama

7 Jun

All I can say is I’m so glad it’s over.  When we were still there after an hour and a half, I began whining right along with Nia.  She would say, “I want to go home.”  I would reply, “Me too.”

I’m just not used to being at a doctor’s office that long.  Our appointment was at 9:30.  We were there at 9:25.  We did not leave the office until 11:35.  I just don’t understand it.  As if being there that long wasn’t bad enough – the two nurses came in at the same time to give both Nia and Nate their shots.  It was a nightmare.

Nate went first.  The nurse told me to lie him on the table and hold his hands.  She then put her body weight on his legs and stabbed his little leggies 3 times with the needle.  Angry doesn’t even begin to describe his reaction.  His screams only made Nia totally freak out and she had been so great up until then.  When he started to cry, she started to cry.  I didn’t even have enough time to calm Nate or Nia down before it was time for her FOUR shots.  I wanted to be sick.

I asked the nurse if I could hold Nia.  She told me Nia would need to lie down too. I told her that if I couldn’t hold Nia then I would take her somewhere else to get the shots.  I couldn’t believe I said that.  I’m really not that insistent or anything – it’s just I couldn’t stand to have my babies hurting or scared.  She was really nice and told me I could hold her but she was just worried if Nia should kick or hit because the needle could break off in her.  I realized that with FOUR shots coming, holding her was probably not going to make it any easier.  (Besides Nia was already jumping off the table when she saw all the shots so I figured I would not be able to hold her flailing limbs through FOUR shots.)

I just feel so bad for Nia.  She was such a sweetie during the visit.  She carried her favorite stuffed animal dog (Joey) and did everything the nurse told her to do and how do we reward her?  Scare the crap out of her by making her witness her brother’s pain, then hold her down on the table and put a needle in both arms and both legs.

In the end, we all survived.  We actually went on to have a really great afternoon at the pool with Monica, Sophie and Will.  Nia kept her shades on the whole time and just chilled in some swimmies and her “two-piece” (as she calls it).  Nate was a maniac and kept fighting me so he could be free and hit the waves.  Our pool time really made us all forget about the hell we went through just hours earlier (but the FOUR bandages on Nia brought it all back!).

But that was just my take on all of it – Nia’s is below:

By the way – I plan on doing a phone poll of other area doctors and see how they operate (as far as typical visit lengths, shot procedures, etc).  I’ve also learned a very valuable lesson from today’s doctor experience – if you have more than one kid and only one parent present – NEVER EVER schedule their shots on the same day!  WHAT WAS I THINKING?

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