Tag Archives: parenting

It Takes a Village and All That

17 Jun

Warning: This post is all about me venting. No sunshine or happiness here. Nope. Just complaining.

If you’re still reading, let me start my soapboxing by saying, I understand no one is perfect. We all make mistakes, have temporary lapses in judgment, forget things – sure, I know that  – from personal experience. What I’m having a hard time understanding is intentional situations involving parents not paying proper attention to their children in public. Not correcting their behavior when needed. Not making sure their little ones are safe.

One situation involved our family outing to a college baseball game. The game was great. It was the rowdy, unwatched crowd of young children that encircled our fam that raised my anxiety level.

They fought with each other. They hit us from time to time. They stared and even pushed on Nia and Nate as they enjoyed their dinner of stadium food. They ran into other members of the audience around us. They almost fell through the railing. They wandered away from their parents without being noticed for minutes. In fact, the 3-year-old stood next to me for so long, you might have thought he was my child. (If not for my look of concern aimed at the child’s parent who was sitting a section away from us.)

Another situation starred a child in the  middle of the street. The main street to our neighborhood. A busy street. There he was, sitting on a skateboard. He was one house away from that main entrance, where drivers come around the bend at a good clip. I stopped and then drove by the child with dramatic caution as he waited for me to pass. The mom? Oh, she was in the garage. The child immediately went right back to the danger zone after I passed. The mom? Well, she stayed in the garage. I was so tempted to turn around and ask her why she thinks that’s ok. Why is it ok to let your 4/5-year-old play in the middle of a busy street? The way the world works sometimes, it wouldn’t surprise me if that mom sues the driver who hits her child – and wins.

I guess my main thing with all this is, I don’t know what’s ok anymore. Is it ok for me to correct a stranger’s child? Should I confront parents I see doing something that could endanger their child? Is it my place? Also, when it comes down to it, I guess I’m pretty territorial to my own. I have two precious sweeties of my own, thanks. I’m really trying to make sure they grow up safely and responsibly.

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Parenting Lesson Number Who Knows What

20 Jun

Taking YouTube requests from the kids is a pretty common thing for us. In fact, when they even see me just sit down near the laptop they surround me, hurling search terms out in the air – Spiderman! Barbie! Me! Lightning McQueen! Hannah Montana! Charlie Bit Me! Funny Videos!

It actually can be a lot of fun. We all really crack up over Charlie Bit My Finger and the other night we watched some boy talk about his cool Spiderman action figures for six minutes. (That one wasn’t a blast for me but Nate was totally into it.) That same night, we ventured into a few “Lightning McQueen” videos. That’s when we saw a cute picture of a Beagle puppy labeled, “Talking Puppy!!” Of course, I clicked on it.

The clip was fine for the first few seconds but then – well – you can just watch it and see for yourself.

Yeah. Not the best thing for the kids to see, especially right before bed when that’s pretty much the last thing they’ll see for that day. I told them it was pretend and that it was just some guy who was wearing a lot of scary makeup for Halloween. That, plus a few more “innocent” Spidey and Barbie videos, seemed to help them forget about the crazy man screaming at them as they were trying to watch the dang puppy say “I love you!”

Of course, I’ve known you never know what you’re going to get with YouTube vids but my cockiness with my searching and selecting ability got the best of me. I guess I’ll just have to screen the videos the best I can before pressing play.
 

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Upchuck Sucks

1 Mar

There is no pretty way to share this.  If you have a weak stomach or just don’t feel like reading about this subject, I understand if you skip this post.  I really wouldn’t want to read it either but misery loves company and all of that so here it is.

Since being a mom, I have heard, “Mommy, I threw up on myself” maybe four times.  Each time, I heard the voice before I saw the helpless child.  Each time, my brain had a few seconds to imagine the worst and, luckily for all involved, it wasn’t so bad.  That is, until tonight.

Man, was she covered.  Well, more like caked. Ech.  There she stood, frozen, arms out, pasted in clumps of chunk. She wasn’t even the worst of it.  The bed, the tent on her bed, her beloved stuffed creatures (including her precious doggy Andrew sent her from Iraq when she was a baby), all of her special blankeys and her Barbie she fondly calls “Hannah Montana.”  Poor Barbie/Hannah.  She was really caught in the cross fire.  There probably was an outline on the bed where she was because she took the brunt of it.

Are you still with me?

I just find it so amazing what we all are capable of as parents.  From the stomach-turning throw up situations like tonight to the horrifying time they sampled poop as a snack (what, that hasn’t happened to you?), what prepared us for this?  I find it incredible that we go into parent-mode and take care of business.  I mean, really?  Andrew will get sick at just the thought of throw up (he probably did just by reading this – if he did read it that is) and he took all of her sheets off of her bed.  I touched vomit.  Lots of it.  With my bare hands.

We just do what we have to do I guess.  If we don’t who will right?  It’s not like I can say, “Nope.  I’m not going to fix that right now.”  I’m proud to say my hands smell like bleach, Nia is clean and sleeping in a fresh bed and I only threw away her p.j. shirt and pillow.  (If we were made of money the sheets would likely be trashed too.)

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Surviving the Stages

8 Mar

“This too shall pass.”  I know it’s a quote/saying/belief that is commonly used in times of mourning or hardship but for some reason it feels good for me to apply it to where I am right now.

I know it could always be worse but I’ve been having a really hard time dealing with the difficulties of raising a 4 and 2-year-old.  And I’m not talking about just a few incidents here or there with them. I can handle that fine (or at least I think I can).  What’s really getting to me is the constant fighting between the two of them, Nia giving me major ‘tude whenever I try to talk to her about her actions and Nate’s aggressive behavior that doesn’t seem to be getting any better.

Right now the major thing that’s getting me through this is knowing that I will get through it.  I realize that it is just a stage and it will eventually end.  I also realize, however, that after it ends, another stage will start! Hopefully, it will be the sharing, caring and listening stage. I can dream right?
 

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Why ya gotta diss the mermaid?

31 Jan

Sometimes I just don’t understand people.  They pass judgment left and right but never look at themselves with those same eyes.  Here’s my beef –

I’ve been trying to check out more and more blogs written by moms – partly because I’m looking for people who are going through the same things I am so I know I’m not the only one and partly because I am curious about how other people write about/capture their experiences. (You know, the whole art of it all and stuff.)

Well, I kind of wish I would have stuck to my old reliables!  I feel so dirty to have cheated on you!  And for what?  So I could get all pissed off after reading one mom’s opinions?  In one post she talks about how she’s banned The Little Mermaid from her house because Ariel is an anti-feminist who gives up her legs, her voice and her family after just seeing a man who’s twice her age.  The mom thinks she’s being a good parent to keep something like that from her children.  Fast forward a few blogs later where she posts pics of herself with her laptop on her lap and her sleeping child (appears to be between one and two years old) sleeping on her stomach right next to the computer.  I’m sorry, but before you go and say you are such a good parent by shielding your kids from the bad example that is The Little Mermaid, shouldn’t you consider the example you’re setting by choosing your computer over your child?

Now, I’m not saying using the computer around our kids is wrong.  (Please, I’m totally guilty of that and in some cases, people are paid to have their computers around all the time.)  My main issue with this mom is that she doesn’t see how skewed her thinking/actions are.  It’s cute to have my child drooling on my computer but not cute to have them enjoy a Disney classic? Besides, what about what Prince Eric did for Ariel?  He sacrificed his life to save hers and fell in love with her even when she didn’t have a freakin’ voice!  Now it may just be I’m feeling all passionate about this because I love my girl Ariel!  Sure, there are some days when I wish I hadn’t shared my love of Disney movies with Nia at such an early age (she already has every princess doll) but then I think why not?  THEY ARE MOVIES AND MOVIE CHARACTERS.  I mean, if my child thinks that the only way to deal with someone who is different or a confrontation is by grabbing pitch forks and torches while singing “Kill the Beast!” or the only way to get what they want is by going to see a gigantic witch octopus then I have a lot more to blame than a movie.

What’s really messed up about all of this – if it wasn’t for her dissing my BFF Ariel – I probably would have thought the picture of her child sleeping next to her computer was cute too!  I’m a total psycho!
 

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Confessions of a Crazy Mom

21 Oct

There are points during the day when I know I must look a lunatic.  I know I feel like one.

  • When I’m trying to hold Nate as he’s fighting to get away from me – sometimes he ends up pulling down my shirt so far that I give a show (it really happened at the Georgia Aquarium!), other times he tries to climb up my stomach – either way I feel like I’m so out of control and must look ridiculous.
  • When I’m trying to get Nia ready for school – I can’t even guess how many times I have to tell her to get moving in the morning – get on the potty – get dressed – start eating – I feel like I’m such a freak saying it over and over again.  We usually wake up with plenty of time for her dilly-dalliness but we’re usually rushing to leave the house because she just doesn’t do what she’s supposed to do when she’s supposed to do it.
  • When I’m trying to cook dinner – this is when Nate stands at my legs, screaming at me, pushing me around the kitchen.
  • When I’m trying to read a magazine/do bills/think for a second!  – Our little talker (Nia) will not give me a moment of silence!
  • When I’m trying to figure out directions in the car – same thing with the talker – she just keeps going and going and going.  She also constantly asks questions that she knows the answers to!  This drives me especially bonkers.  The other day she asked, “Momma, what does R start with?”  I know you might think that’s an innocent question by a little kid, but it came after several other questions like, “Why are we in the car?” and “What is Nate’s name?”
  • When I’m trying to break up a fight between Nia and Nate – Nia completely freaks out and is impossible to calm down.  I feel like a total crazy mom because I have to rip them apart and scream at them to stop it.
  • When I’m trying to keep Nate from climbing things or taking a dive off of things – he just will not stop – he keeps going back to whatever it is I’m trying to keep him from – it just gets so tiring and frustrating.
  • When I’m trying to get Nate to stop soaking the entire bathroom while splashing like a crazy man in the tub – more water ends up outside the tub and drenches me.
  • Anytime between 4:30 pm and 6:00 pm – I don’t know what it is about that time of the day – it’s like the kids are especially cranky or something and I’m exhausted so it’s just a bad combo.  This is when it’s White Russian time!

There are many other situations that make me feel like a looney but my brain hurts after thinking of all of those!  I’ve been wanting to write this out for a few days now but just didn’t want to put myself through it!

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It’s Just Sad to Me

17 Sep

Let me start by saying, I really do not like to judge/question other parents.  I mean, who am I to say someone is a bad parent?   For the most part, as long as you love your child, do the best you can to provide for them and genuinely care about their well-being than who am I to criticize you for not washing their crib sheets enough or for letting them drink a soda?  I do things wrong all the time when it comes to this parenting thing but I want to believe that as long as I keep trying to do my best to keep them secure, happy and healthy that I’m doing ok.

That being said – here’s what’s “just sad to me.”  Last week, I went to the urgent care because I thought I caught what the kids had.  As I was waiting, two women came in and they had four children with them.  One was around Nate’s age and was dressed in her nightgown (she was the sicky one), another two little girls seemed to be around 3 or 4 years old and they each were wearing a t-shirt and their britches.  Nothing else.  No pants, no shoes, no socks.  Just their shirts and their underwear.

I try to think why the women would bring them in like that.  Maybe they spilled their juice in the car on the way here and it soaked their pants, socks and shoes.  Maybe they can’t afford pants, socks, shoes.  (But the other child – an older boy – has pants, socks and shoes on – why don’t they?)  I try to think of all the practical reasons I could as to what would ever make me take Nia out in public like that.  I really couldn’t.  Because if I was in the exact situation, I would have one of the women stay in the car with the girls.

Ok fine – so I questioned them on that but that actually wasn’t the worst of it.  As I was going to leave, the little girls were running willy-nilly across the busy parking lot.  Oh yeah – did I mention it was raining too?  No shoes, no pants, rain and cars.  How could I ever find a reason this would be acceptable/understandable?  I know kids will be kids but it wasn’t like the woman with them was even trying to keep them safe.

I did say to myself – at least they brought the sick little girl to the doctor.  That shows they care, right?

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There will be much worse, but…

18 Jul

I know things are going to happen to our kids that we aren’t going to like.  I know it would be best if I deal with them accordingly at the time and then push them out of my mind.  But I just can’t seem to shake that a little girl (brat) spit at Nia.

It happened at the end of her gymnastics class on Monday.  During the last 10 minutes, the kids get to play in a big  pit that’s filled with foam squares.  Nia has a blast.  She can jump in like a madwoman – she can get buried under the blocks – all we hear are giggles – tons of giggles.  On Monday though, the little girl (bully) came out crying and walked over to her mom (miserable looking woman).  I had no idea at the time why she was crying.

It wasn’t until we were in the car that I asked Nia – “Why was that one girl crying?”

Nia – “She spit at my face.”

Andrew’s mom and Me – “WHAT?!?!”

Our reaction made her think she did something wrong and she put on a sad face.  I told her I wasn’t mad at her I just needed to know what happened.

Apparently, the girl (meanie) wanted a certain block but Nia was playing with it.  Nia said the girl (terror) began throwing blocks at her head and then spit at her face.

She said her cheek got a little wet but the rest of the nastiness landed on that girl’s (spitter’s) chin.  Nia said the teacher saw what happened and made the girl (who the heck taught her to spit at people anyway?!?!) leave the pit and say she was sorry.  That’s when the teacher walked her over to her mom.  Nia didn’t even act like anything was wrong.  Even after she told me what happened I asked her if she liked the girl (her mom better watch out) and she said, “When she doesn’t spit at me.”

Why can’t I be like that?  Nia could care less and I’m all distraught.  I want to believe that the girl (undisciplined) was just kind of jealous because she usually gets all the attention but there was a different teacher that day so she wasn’t given special treatment.  Also, Nia had her hair in a French braid that wraps in a circle and looked like a princess and was getting some extra attention because of it.  Maybe those things along with the block incident put that girl (just a kid) over the edge.

I might just be making up excuses but for some reason it feels better to do that than to think someone was mean to my little sweetie (not always innocent) because she didn’t like her.

What makes me even more crazy is that this is only the beginning of wanting to protect my kids from the spitters of the world.  What the heck am I going to be like when she comes home crying because someone made fun of her because she’s not wearing the right brand of shoes.  Or worse, the boy she likes doesn’t like her back.

I know she’ll survive and all the let downs make you stronger – but come on – she’s my baby.
 

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Maybe I should change my taste in music?

17 May

More and more, Nia is learning the lyrics to songs that I like to jam to during the day.  While they are not the explicit versions, there’s still something in me that says maybe I shouldn’t listen to such things when she’s in earshot.  But then I remember singing things I shouldn’t have when I was little (Prince’s “Darling Nikki” for one) and not knowing what the heck I was saying.  I’m just a little worried that she’s going to break out in one of these songs while we’re in a church-like crowd or while she’s in the child watch at the YMCA.  I can just imagine the faces of the sweet, old ladies when she starts to rock.  What’s worse about it all is that I still think it’s hilariously adorable (and I actually encourage her to sing it as the video will show)!

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Because of the Kids…

5 May

I hardly ever get to venture out by myself.

I don’t know how to act when I do get to venture out by myself.

I hardly ever have a moment (second?) of silence.

I usually have to clean up a big mess or pull a choking hazard out of the boy’s hand when I do get a moment of silence.

I have to pick up the stuff (toys/hangers/clean clothes/breakable objects) I just picked up.  (And then pick them up again.)

I’ve lost weight from having to chase them and clean up after them all day.

I gained weight because I needed to keep them (and me) happy when they were in my belly.

My hair is super dark brown now and the grays are popping out like crazy.  (Who/what else can I blame? My hair wasn’t this way before the kids!)

I “look like a mom.”  At least that’s what a former high school classmate told me the night before our 10 year reunion.

I look like a mom and wonder “what’s wrong with that?!”

I cannot take a shower, go potty, talk on the phone or sit down for a meal in peace.

My showers, potty times, phone conversations and meals are more entertaining/interesting.

I do things I haven’t done since I was a kid – color, play Candyland and Memory, do cartwheels, blow bubbles, swing.

I realize I shouldn’t do half of the the things I hadn’t done since I was a kid.

I laugh and smile every day.

I rub my head and sigh every day.

I get the best good night kisses and sweetest hugs.

I get slapped in the face and tortured by tantrums.

My days are NEVER boring.

I couldn’t tell you what’s happening in the world but I could tell you what SpongeBob did or the words to the third Cinderella movie.

I couldn’t imagine life without them – because of them, I am me.

Whee!

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