Archive | Issues RSS feed for this section

The Weight of Birthdays

22 Mar

I’m calling for a shake up with how we celebrate birthdays. Be gone, “Eh, it’s just another day,” attitudes that many acquire in our older years. (I’m guilty.) I think it’s then that we should go all out like we did when we were young. Not necessarily stay up all night slumber parties, New Kids on the Block cakes or jumpy place parties but just more pronounced attention then many allow. It seems, as our numbers grow, the size and importance we put on our born day shrinks. Life gets in the way of life.

Shouldn’t we be rejoicing that our number is able to grow? That we are still here to celebrate the rotation of another year? Feel incredible to be given more precious days to enjoy and accomplish? Some people have battled cancer and won. Some have battled in war zones. Others have been through incomprehensible life journeys. And they are still here to experience another day while so many others are not. Why don’t we live for them?

I know it’s hard because who really likes getting older? We cling to our youth. Our energy. Our young skin and bones. The ability to sit cross-cross-applesauce. I pluck and cover my grays and sample that magic-promising anti-aging cream. But shouldn’t I be cherishing that I’m here to laugh at my aging pieces? Or that we have 35, 39, 43, 47, 54 and more tucked away in the shadow boxes of our memories?

Andrew remarked that he hasn’t had this many presents (for his 35th) since he was 12.  I hope it stays that way with each year because I know how very grateful I am to celebrate it with him. So very thankful we get to cycle through one more year of enjoying the smaller numbers and welcoming what’s next. Life.

 

Birthday Banana Pudding

Posted from WordPress for Android

Tags:

Bully Kryptonite

11 Mar

Does it even exist? A way for kids to render bullies powerless? To deal with/stay safe from their hurtful words/actions? Some options that come to my mind include:

  1. Ignore them
  2. Don’t let them get to you/see you upset
  3. Tell them to leave you alone/stop it
  4. Tell on them
  5. Kill ’em with kindness
  6. Fight fire with fire
  7. All of the above
  8. None of the above

Nia has tried really all but number 6. Fortunately for her, she is not being bullied as severely as many kids (my heart breaks for them) but the bullies she does encounter still make her upset and cause her stress.

Nia tells us that one girl continually scratches her and won’t leave her alone, constantly saying mean things. Another girl, Nia says, told her, “I wish you were a bug so that I could step on you a million times.”

What?! It’s just so hard to tell her how to handle it because she’s still so young and still trying to figure social interactions out. Plus, she’s often shy and very small for her age so others have always pushed her around more and targeted her. The kids seem unphased by all her peaceful kryptonite attempts so I’m left thinking number 6 from the list above may need to be used. But I don’t even want to tell her that option. It’s just so difficult when you try to raise your children to do what’s right and treat others kindly and then other kids get away with tormenting and mistreating. I often try to understand what’s going on in a child’s life to make them act in such a hurtful way. I suppose I live too much in the movies. Where there just has to be a happy ending where eventually the bully and the bullied become friends and walk off the playground arm-in-arm. Fist bump?

Yeah. Back to reality. I looked online for advice on how to at least help ease some of the fret Nia has and I found a few articles like this one and this one. She said it was a much better day when she didn’t speak to one of the girls. I know they can’t all be drama-free days but if she’s happy when I pick her up from afterschool, maybe a small piece of the kryptonite is working?

Tags: ,

Priority Check

3 Mar

This blog post is a slap in the face for myself. Well, maybe more of a glass of cold water in my face. Less painful but still serves the purpose – I need to reset my priorities.

Far too often, I lose sight of what really matters. I start worrying about superficial things. Things out of my control. I obsess about something someone said. Whether something bad is going to happen. I spend too much time and energy focusing on inanimate objects. My car needs washed. The shower needs scrubbed. The to-do list grows. I forgot to pay a bill. Those pieces of paper with post-its that I get at work…

Water. Face.

I’m not saying that I shouldn’t care about those things – I just need to take my care level down a notch or 20. I need to remember what matters most. As a toddler Nia would say, “My peoples.” Family. Friends. I think of them and the rest is tamed with a more relaxed mind and heart.

Towel for my face, please. That’s better.

 

 

Tags: ,

Bookworm Bean

27 Feb

Nia has always loved books. She was entertainingly reading to us by memorization at age 3 and often carries books with her wherever she goes. But it wasn’t until the other day that she began talking about what she’d read in a book with such excitement and detail.

She didn’t just say it was really good or funny. She started to give us a “response to literature” – something she’s learning in school. She was so into it and full of animation when describing it to us. It was adorably awesome and gave us the idea to have her review them on video. (Partly as a learning experience but also because I wanted to capture this part of her life.)

She was so pumped about the idea of Bean Book Review and couldn’t wait to start. Who knows? Maybe it could even help someone who’s thinking about buying a book for a child. I mean, she relates things to iCarly so it’s a pretty expert opinion, if you ask me.

She had so much fun doing this and sitting next to me as I tried to edit it. She was such a little producer too. Telling me that I need to add music and that her eyes were closed on one starting clip. She and I had a great time! I find some parts of it so endearing. Like, the popcorn she tries to free from a tooth while talking and her reenactment of a snippet of one book. I hope some others enjoy it as much as we do. (It’s five minutes long so we’ll see!)

Tags: ,

You Look Like a Mom

23 Feb

I remember when I first heard that. I was 28 years old. I was, in fact, a mother. Of two. I remember that I didn’t know how to take it. In that moment, it felt like an insult. Thinking, “What does that even mean?” I was at a bar, with my husband, thinking I look pretty nice in my black sweater and jeans. Now, I wish I could go back and react to it differently. How could that be an insult? I look like a mom. Without hesitation, I should have taken it as a compliment. It’s who I am.

I find it interesting how much I realize that even when I’m not with my kids. When I am by myself, I feel like I’m missing a piece of me. I don’t remember what the me in me was like before Nia and Nate. When they’re with me, I feel like I can do anything. I feel strong. Protective. Smart. Beautiful. When they are not with me, I feel insecure. Small. Even if it’s just going to the store by myself. I need my shopping buddy, Nia. Sure, I can function without her and not have a meltdown but – it’s just – I feel her absence and I notice the difference in me.

I’ve figured out that it helps if I remember that I “look like a mom” even when they aren’t with me. That proud and heartfelt feeling is invigorating. Best. Compliment. Ever.

You're so mom.

Related posts:

Tags: ,

I Fell in Love with Friday Night Lights

10 Feb

And now, I only have my memories, repeats and DVDs to cherish.

We watched the last episode of Friday Night Lights tonight and I laughed – I wanted to be included in the conversation – I sat jaw-dropped – I felt the reality – I praised the beautifully shot scenes and I cried –  just like I do while becoming absorbed in every episode.

Was it a perfect show during its five seasons? The best? (This critic says it’s one of the “finest drama series in television history.”) I’m not sure I can really label any tv show that way. I just know how it made me feel. It hooked me from the start and never let me down. It captured bits of life that I have never seen on another show. One scene I vividly remember showed Coach and Tami hugging in their room and then they started swaying/dancing and the camera quickly showed us their feet. She had been standing on his. I loved that. They captured something so real and the characters never drew attention to it. They just swayed and talked. It was precious to me.

I’m almost kind of proud that many people didn’t love the show like I did because it makes it more heartfelt for me. I loved something not because everyone else did – but because I did. I’m happy, though, for those who did give it a chance and kept it alive. (Thanks, DirecTV!)  I called the characters by their last names like they did to each other and I’m not ashamed that I actually thought about the lines the writers had Coach Taylor say. (A recent one about building character will stay with me.) I don’t think you have to like football to appreciate this show. The characters, writing, shots and directing take it well beyond a show about football. (Although, there is a lot of football in it!)

Dillon, Texas. It was a pleasure to visit that small town and root for (or sometimes curse out) its people in every episode. I will miss it.

“Clear eyes, full hearts …”

Tags: , , ,

A Worrier’s Daughter

7 Feb

I saw Nia have a minor stress freak out tonight and I felt it. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve lived it before. I know exactly what she was going through and I hate it. She’s too young to know that kind of worry yet. Too sweet. Too child.

While I’m glad that she cares, I’m concerned about the amount of worry she showed for such a thing. Misplacing her finished homework sent her on a stress spiral. She actually held the sides of her head in worry that she was going to get in trouble.

Did I do this to my child with all the worry I carry? She’s told me before that I worry too much. She even wrote me reminders that I shouldn’t worry. She knows it’s not a good thing yet it came so naturally and quickly for her. It makes me wonder about people who don’t worry as much. Were they raised by easy-going people? Did they train themselves to say, “Oh well. What can I do?”

I wish I had more of that in me. For me, I have to come up with positive thoughts or a solution to ease my stress. Luckily, it helped Nia. We decided that she would re-do the work, since she remembered it and it would give her something to give to her teacher. I was amazed by how much detail she put into it. She was so relieved to recreate the lost work that when Andrew told her she could go watch Nate play Wii she said, “I’m doing homework first.” Her stress was gone. I hope it stays away. After I finish worrying about her worry, I vow to ease mine to help heal hers.

image

Posted from WordPress for Android

Beauty Marked?

5 Feb

I don’t remember being self-conscious about all the moles and freckles that graced my skin growing up. Looking back, I’m sure I was but I think my feelings about them changed because my grandma would always comfort me and boost my esteem by telling me they were beauty marks. Marks that God wanted me to have. I shouldn’t be ashamed of them, my beauty marks.

Through the years, many of them have changed. Cautious that those marks could be a sign of cancer or for appearance’s sake (I was very aware of a few), some were removed. Now, more need to meet that fate.

This is where it becomes difficult because Nia has a very special beauty mark on her forehead. Yet, she hides it beneath her hair because she doesn’t like it. She says she doesn’t want people to make fun of her if they see it. I tell her over and over again that it is special. It’s a sign of beauty. Don’t hide it. It’s part of who you are. But as I say that, I know I’m soon going to hide a few more of mine forever. What is that teaching? They’re beauty marks until you don’t want/need them to be anymore? I suppose beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. I just hope the one on my lip stays the same. I especially love that one…

Posted from WordPress for Android

Tags: , , ,

Tales from the Container Cabinet

26 Jan

I’ve never realized all that a plastic container cabinet could hold. I’m not just talking about the plastic of all shapes and sizes. I’m thinking about the mysteries and confessions that lie within those bowls.

image
Why do I have more lids than containers? What happens to the lid’s mate? Even if the bowl was trash, why would I keep the lid? Just in case? Frisbee? This old, square lid wouldn’t be good for that. Yet, I keep it.
image
The green lid brings me to a confession. I’m an accidental stealer of storage containers. The green one came from my mom’s. This blue bowl is my sister’s but I already broke the news to her that it will now live with me. (I really like it!)
image
On to another mystery – what in the world happens to our bowls that they get this abused? We’re just eating out of them, not stabbing them with a dagger or spray-painting them red. Also, why do I keep containers that look like this? This should be a case of pitch the bowl, keep the lid. Although, we do eat a lot of red sauce foods so we’d be out of a lot of bowls.

By the way, if I have one of your long-lost plasticware pieces (or other kitchen gadgets), my apologies for not returning it but please know I think about you each time I put spaghetti in it.

Now, I’ll put a lid on it.

image

Happy Holiday?

17 Jan

I’m sure I’m just over-analyzing like I tend to do but I find it inappropriate to say “Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day” or “Happy Memorial Day.” I just consider them special days of reflection and tribute (not so much happiness) because they are days associated with the loss of incredible individuals.

Am I being too critical? Is there a happiness in that the men and women we honor on those days were born and so we’re thankful for that? I can see it that way, I suppose. I just feel uncomfortable when people say “Happy day!” like it’s a party or when stores offer sales associated with the days.

I guess we all reflect in our own way. As long as we take the time to remember, learn and teach our children, right?

Posted from WordPress for Android

Tags: ,

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →