In Savannah, we had tree frogs. For the most part, they would just hang out on our sliding glass door and croak very loudly (had to turn the television up) and poop very excessively (it was EVERYWHERE). Occasionally, one would get in our house. Sometimes, we would find it dead the next day (yum) but other times we would actually witness the little guy jumping inside and then frantically leaping around trying to figure out where the heck it was and why a terrifying scream was filling its ears. Of course, that terrifying scream was coming from a terrified me – as the frog freaked out trying to get to safety, I freaked out trying to find something to catch it. Don’t worry – I never killed one – on purpose (it was an accident, I swear). Andrew and I actually came up with an easy (and frog-friendly) way of returning them to the outdoors. We took two cups (that I threw away immediately after the capture and release) and chased the frog until we were able to scoop him up.
As I was going through that whole frog thing, I remember feeling that I thought it was so horrible that I had to deal with it. I would hate having to put the dog outside because I was scared I would let a frog in – or worse, it would jump on my head or something. Now, I wish all I had to deal with were the frogs. Now, I have to deal with these:
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Earwigs. Or as I call them under my breath as I hunt them down every day – “muthafockas.”
They seem to come out of nowhere. Just in the few minutes I’ve been writing this I’ve killed 5 of them and they were 5 that had not visibly been in the room with me when I began this blog. Now, I keep stopping every sentence or so to see if I spot any little moving black lines on the carpet. It has been my mission (and tragedy) for the past few weeks.
This blog will not even begin to describe to you just how awful this is for me. When we first moved in, I saw a few of them and immediately called the exterminator. (For those of you who don’t know – I am a total bug-o-phobe.) I believed the exterminator did the trick. We hadn’t seen an earwig from December through June. He came back to spray in July but they obviously didn’t get the hint. I had him come back to spray last week and still the nasty little mo-fos live. I kill anywhere from 10 to 20 around the house a DAY. Nia and Nate even find them. Nia will yell, “Momma, I found an earwig!” and I can always tell when Nate finds one because he gets really quiet (which is rare) and stares at the floor.
I have researched these things online and it has not given me any peace of mind. I am now totally grossed out by one article that said earwigs are nocturnal and like to crawl under the covers. Whether it’s true or not – I’m ruined! Also, just knowing that there’s a “myth” out there that earwigs get their name because they burrow themselves into people’s ears – AGH! And then, I just read some lady’s blog about her earwig infestation and she said they were on her toilet seats and in their beds and that 30 to 40 of them would come crawling out of the wall at one time! One of the more disturbing of our earwig tales involves Andrew having to very quickly (and quietly) scoop one out of the bathtub while the kids were in there. (Do you have the willies yet?) It’s not even like we have a messy house or anything! I vacuum every other day (Joey is shedding) and sweep around the table after every meal (Nate is a major crumb-causer). I bet our house was built on an earwig colony or something – like “Poltergeist” only earwig style.
I’m just so exhausted with this whole thing. It’s really wearing on me. What makes it even harder is that I feel like I’m the only one who really cares that our house is being invaded. Andrew will kill them if he sees them but he doesn’t really think it’s a big deal. I actually prayed today and asked to please make the earwigs go away so I wouldn’t have to kill them anymore. I’m just so tired of it all. I just want to be able to relax in my own home and not have to worry about whether something’s going to crawl on me or my kids while they sleep.
I plan to call my exterminator again tomorrow because then it will have been a full week since his last spray – I just get concerned about all that spraying around the kids. I mean, it doesn’t seem to have any effect on the “muthafocken” earwigs so it should be ok – but then again…
Maybe a plea to them would help – “Please earwigs – go back outside so I don’t have to kill you anymore. I’m sorry if our house smashed your home – we have a nice backyard for you to enjoy though. We’re not any fun in here anyway – I don’t have a lot of plants for you to eat and I’m sure you find no entertainment in “So You Think You Can Dance” so please just find your way outside and have a long, joyous life anywhere but within our house. Thanks so much for cooperating. Sincerely, The one who keeps squashing you with anything she can grab.”
It’s worth a shot – at this point I’ll try just about anything.
Are You Zhazha? 
Say what?