Archive | Life RSS feed for this section

The Tragedy of a Tragedy

21 Apr

I didn’t want to write about this because it’s hard for me to put it all into words. In fact, I just spent way too long trying to come up with an adjective to describe what happened at Virginia Tech.  I thought of horrible and then deleted it – terrible? no – heartbreaking? – scary?  – shocking?  – when you think about it – any word would be too generic and using one makes me feel like I’m writing TV news and that just makes me want to vomit.  I’m just so sickened by how many news organizations are reporting what happened and then adding their thoughts about why it happened.

This is really why I’m writing.  A recent opinion article in our local newspaper really infuriated me this week. It was entitled “What are we teaching our boys?”  The writer used some stats to show that boys are responsible for the majority of extreme violence in U.S. schools over the last 10 years and then went on to say it’s because we’re teaching boys that in order to be masculine they shouldn’t cry. If you’d like to read it, click here.  If you did, please tell me what you thought.

Here’s what I thought – those stats about the attackers may be accurate but what about the percentage of victims who were boys?  They obviously were “taught” right.  Also, you can be the most loving, caring, peaceful parent who ever existed and your son or daughter could still have violent tendencies.  Along those lines, why is it when a woman is the attacker people tend to make excuses for her – she either had something bad happen to her or she’s crazy – but when a boy is to blame it’s because he wasn’t raised right?  I mean, how can she even say that when she really has no freaking clue how any of those boys were raised?  I just feel she totally generalized and it disgusts me that she is paid to have her opinion published.

What makes me even more disgusted and saddened is all of the “expert” opinions and finger-pointing that happens after a tragedy. Isn’t it bad enough that it happened?  Why is it people always have to make it worse by hurting others more?  It’s campus security’s fault – no it’s psychologists’ fault – no it’s the school’s fault – no it’s the parents’ fault – no it’s your fault!  AH!

I’m not pretending to know what anyone involved is going through – I know, for many, finding blame is a way to heal – I guess I just worry about what comes next for the people who thought they did everything they could and now have to live with the judgment and criticism.  Really, what it comes down to is that my heart is hurting for ANYONE who is hurting and I just wish tragedies like this would bring people together – not tear them down.

 

Tags: , , ,

Work Out = Pig Out?

18 Apr

Since we moved I have been really good about not eating as much fast food.  When I was working at the station I ate it every day  – Popeye’s Spicy Chicken Strips with the buttery, yummy biscuit/Whoppers with french fries and zesty onion dipping sauce (curse you Ginger!)/10 piece Chicken McNuggets with hot mustard sauce/Arby’s roast beef sandwich and curly fries with horsey sauce to drown every ounce of my food.  Want to barf yet? I sure do…

It’s probably because I just got finished devouring my second fast food meal this week. (I did go for the grilled chicken though so that’s better right?)  It seems now that I’ve been hitting the Y and really working it (I took 3 aerobics classes today!) I feel the need to stuff my stomach with the worst possible crap.  It’s not just fast food either – last week I made pork-n-beans and put it on hot dog buns!  What the heck is that?  I don’t even remember the last time I ate pork-n-beans and I was all like “yum – I think I’ll make these even worse for me by slapping them on 3 buns!”

I’m totally zeroing out any calorie burning I did do at the gym and it’s driving me crazy!  I know I’m the one who controls the food I put in my mouth – I just need to get a better handle on eating right so I can actually loose some of these post baby pounds.  I’m hoping this post will purge me of my desire to take another trip to the drive-thru. Or at least help me to order a salad!
 

Tags: , , , ,

My Antonia

11 Apr

She came into the world with her daddy a world away in Iraq.

Mommy Loves You

Now, almost four years later, her daddy is cuddling with her on the couch watching “Mulan” again.

Safe in Daddy's Arms

Our little Nia is only a few weeks away from becoming a four-year-old. Watching her grow up has been a blessing and blast.  Her birth made me feel love like I could never have imagined.  She spoiled me while she was in my belly (I LOVED being pregnant with her), she spoiled me by deciding to leave my belly on her due date (she must have known how much of a planner I am), she spoiled us by sleeping through the night, taking her naps and hardly ever making a fuss (I can totally brag about this now since her babyhood is over – she was such an easy baby! I know this especially after having Nate – I guess it’s what we get huh?!?!),  every day she amazes us with her intelligence and humor and touches our hearts with her super sweet personality.

Silly Nia

I’m not going to say it’s been all happiness and joy – there have been plenty of times when she’s tested our patience and won but really when I think about it those times weren’t as bad as they could have been.  Whether she brought rough times or easy times, she is the most incredible adventure I have ever been a part of and I am so excited to begin the next part of our growing up journey.

So Much Fun

Tags: , ,

I Need to Work it Out

4 Apr

I have finally gotten up the nerve and determination to try working out at our local YMCA and while that’s a great thing for my body, I can’t say the same for my mind.

I can’t stop feeling inferior to (and sickened by) the girls with the fab bods and perfect skin, wearing their cute little workout numbers, not a hair on their head is out of place, they know how to work all the machines and know every move in the aerobics classes.  Even worst of all though is they even have the nicest, whitest socks!  Why do socks matter?  Well, today’s workout involved taking off our shoes – I was surrounded by little ankle socks and socks with polka dots and some with those adorable little pompoms on them…

To give you an idea of how I stacked up against the other hip exercise ladies – my workout ensemble went a little something like this – sneakers I’ve had since college, socks that were once white but are now a shade of dirty white  and are thinning at the heels, a pair of old navy sweatpants that I had to cut the bottoms of so they weren’t so tight around my ankles, a bright pink maternity tank top that is super comfy and a gray sports bra that I’ve had since I played volleyball in high school.  Sexy huh?

I just never thought I would go to workout and leave feeling like I need to buy a whole new wardrobe just to get sweaty in – oh yeah and don’t forget the socks!  (Don’t worry Andrew I’m not going to go on a shopping spree – but I could use a few more workout pants – a few girls had on these really cute ones that cut off at the calf…)
 

Tags: , , , ,

Blah

30 Mar

Warning: The entry you’re about to read contains whining and bitching. If you are not in the mood for misery stop reading here and wait for a new “normal” Nicole entry.

If you are still reading then let me say I warned you.  Since you are still reading you might be wondering why I feel the need to let you all know about the yuck I’m feeling.  I guess it’s because I’m trying to get rid of it and I thought venting about it might help.  We’ll see…

For no known specific reason I’ve been feeling really cranky and down these past two days and it’s not even “that time”.  My typically short temper is even more short and I feel awful because Nia is getting the worst of my mood because she’s been testing me with unusually bratty behavior.  I feel like I’m yelling at her/correcting her all day long and I just want to stop.  Maybe she’s acting so different because she’s cranky too and this is just how it’s coming out in her?  I don’t know about that but I do know that I HATE feeling this way and really wish something could get me out of the funk I’m in.  BLAH.

Just so you know how blah I’m feeling – here’s a short list of things that have really irked me in the last 36 hours – they are things that otherwise don’t bother me:

  • The teen bagger at Publix commenting on my groceries “Oh, salsa, sour cream, chips – someone’s going to have a fiesta tonight!” I mean whatever!  Just bag ’em buddy!  I would really hate to hear what he’d say if I was buying condoms,  ky and  whipped cream!
  • The crapload of pollen that is caked on everything – the pavement, mailbox, porch, cars…
  • Nate not taking his naps.
  • Nia repeating the same thing over and over again or me having to repeat the same thing over and over again to her.
  • Sanjaya still on American Idol – it didn’t bother me Wednesday night when it was announced but by Thursday afternoon I was disgusted.
  • Getting endless “mortgage insurance” forms in the mail even after I’ve sent them back with “No thank you. Please stop sending these” written on them.

What’s even worse is I just don’t know what’s causing this mean face I’m wearing.  Everything’s been going great here – we just had a really nice visit from Andrew’s sister and our adorable baby niece, we have money to pay bills, a roof over our heads, tons of food and Easter treats to pig out on, plus love is everywhere in this house so what the hell do I have to be cranky about?  Maybe I’m not eating enough of the salty junk food or carbs that I love.  I’ve been trying to eat healthier so that may be what it is!  Some drinking might help as well!  That’s it!  I am prescribing myself a bag of chips and a few White Russians!  The next time I write I will be cheerful and drunk!

 

Tags: ,

Random Frustration

23 Mar

Why can’t I just do the dishes without ending up with a soaked shirt?  It’s not like I try to dump water on myself.  Still, no matter how hard I try to stay dry, I end up drenched.  Is there some sort of dish-washing secret that could help me keep the water in the sink?  It just drives me nuts!
 

Tags: , ,

Betrayed by Our Dog

21 Mar

Ok – I know I need to get a grip and forgive and forget already but every time our dog Joey barks now I fill up with disappointment/disgust/disbelief – feelings that are just plain silly to feel for poor old Joe-Boy.

Some Guard Dog

I can’t help it though.  He barks at NOTHING but won’t bark at the criminal jerks who broke into his dad’s car?!?!  He barks at people who are supposed to be/allowed near our house but not at those who are not?  I mean come on!  Part of my frustration is due to the fact that his bark sounds so mean and is so loud – you can hear him several streets over from ours – but it did us zip when we needed it most.

You may think I’m overreacting – maybe I am – but maybe if you had a better idea of what I witness him bark at on any given day – maybe then you could at least somewhat understand why I feel the way I do.  Here’s just a few of the things that he feels the need to let out his heart-stopping, breath-taking bark at:

  • The UPS truck that comes three to four times a week
  • The mail lady every time he sees her white truck driving down our street
  • Nothing
  • The neighborhood dogs
  • Birds flying
  • Someone’s car brakes squeaking blocks away
  • Nothing
  • Andrew when he comes home from work
  • Us when we leave the house
  • The neighbors he sees everyday coming and going from their houses
  • A doorbell/dog/cat on television
  • Nothing

He doesn’t bark at:

  • Things/people he should!

Please don’t get me wrong – I love our dog so very much.  He is a big, soft, cuddly, lovable bear of a pup and he’s super good with the kids.  It really bothers me to feel this way and I know I will get over it soon – for now though I can’t help but curse about him under my breath every time he woofs when he doesn’t need to. Nia even screams at him to be quiet when he barks!  Sometimes I even think horrible things like – someone better be trying to get in the house.  Of course I don’t really mean it – besides he wouldn’t bark at them anyway!

Part of the Fam

Tags: , ,

Crime Update

21 Mar

Apparently, the thieves decided they didn’t want Andrew’s computer keyboard.  Yesterday, I was looking out of Nia’s window and saw something odd in our neighbor’s yard. (It looked like a purse or something.)  I ran over to check it out and there was the keyboard!

Andrew insists it wasn’t there on Monday – that we would have seen it if it was because we were all outside near the area.  He thinks maybe they came back through Monday night and tossed stuff back or something because our neighbor across the street says he found one of the things he reported stolen in his front yard too.

Odd…

Oh well – it still doesn’t change the fact that it all happened – it’s just a weird twist I guess.
 

Tags:

I Feel So Violated

19 Mar

I just can’t even believe this. How long did we live in Savannah?  A city considered to be a “high-crime” area?  NOTHING ever happened to us there.  It happened to people we knew but never to us.  Now though – we live in a small town with hardly any crime where EVERYONE is super nice and friendly and our car gets broken into while its parked in our driveway.

Apparently it happened to a lot of our neighbors.  Ours happened right under our little girl’s bedroom window.  Our big ass dog didn’t even bark.  He barks at a bird farting but not at someone breaking into Andrew’s SUV.  The SUVs alarm didn’t even go off.  Those jerks got in and then tossed stuff everywhere – you know shopping around for what they wanted to take that didn’t belong to them.

They took a keyboard he had from work and two computer cables he had for his work laptop but nothing else.  They passed up the season 4 box set of “Seinfeld” (what you don’t like to laugh jerks?) and all of Andrew’s CD’s (don’t like his taste in music?)  his Oakley sunglasses (I hope the sun damages your eyes) his radar detector (what you don’t break the law to speed?) they even left some money he had in there (apparently money isn’t worth the effort).  I understand that they took what they did because it’s probably the best thing for them them to make money off of – but why not take the rest too?  I mean, you’re already in there and I’m sure you’ll get a few bucks from some of the other stuff – especially the actual money!  It’s not that I wanted them to take all of it – I’m just trying to better understand what they did.

I just feel so violated and pissed.  I can’t even imagine how people get through something bigger than this – like a stolen car or a burglarized house or rape or armed robbery.  I feel so powerless and I just want to get back at them.  I wish we could have caught them in the act – I’m not sure how it would of all went down but I’m sure it would have surprised them and I would love to know who did this.  Just to see their faces and ask them why.  Do they get kicks out of it? Do they desperately need the money?

I know I’m probably making something bigger of this than it needs to be but I can’t help it right now.  I’m still reacting to the fact that it happened and I’m just so angry because I never thought it could happen here.  (Which is my own naive fault.) It also makes me scared because if they did that what else will they do?  Try to get in the house next?  Hopefully then that big ass dog of ours will step up and show those sharp teeth of his.  I know I certainly will.
 

Tags: , ,

Missing: My St. Paddy’s Spirit

18 Mar

Before living in Savannah, I never really thought twice about St. Patrick’s Day. I’m a quarter Irish so I would try to pay tribute – you know, in the truest sense of the heritage, by wearing something green, a shamrock or that said “Kiss Me, I’m Irish.” I never really celebrated or anything like that though.  Then, I moved to Savannah.

I only really “partied” (translated: squeezed on River Street twice with thousands of others and tried not to get peed on here and there) and I never got to see a parade in person.  I always had to work.  I even got in a car accident on the weekend of festivities one year because I was trying to watch out for any partier-drivers. Turns out, I was the threat just getting off work. Even though I missed the live parades, I still felt a little more Irish just being in that city on that day.  I really respected and enjoyed the tradition of it all and now that I’m not there to experience it (even if it was just through the tv) I feel like I’m missing something.

I have my decorations up and I love to see all the online pictures from Savannah showing the celebrations, but it’s making me a little Savannah-sick.  It seems I left the spirit of the day back where the fountains flow a festive green.

Photo Courtesy: Savannah St. Patrick's Day Facebook

Tags: , ,

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →