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I don’t Facebook like you anymore

19 Sep

I lost a Facebook friend this week and I can’t fathom why it bothers me like it does. The only reason I even realized my friend number shrunk is because I had an even number – 390. When 389 caught my eye I immediately started to wonder what I did wrong. Did I update too much? Did I offend update? Did I TMI update? Maybe I haven’t been liking any of his/her updates? I say his/her because I have no idea who decided to unfriend me. Some friend I am.

That’s one reason why I can’t understand why I’m so concerned. Why do I need to know what lead to the dumping? Why am I putting myself through this? I thought I was through the phase of wanting validation, acceptance and friendliness from others. Why am I voluntarily involved in something that makes me feel like I did in high school?

On top of that, what is up with us putting the extra level of etiquette and work on ourselves? Did I wish that person a happy birthday? Did I thank someone for wishing me one? Did I respond to that comment in a timely manner? Am I neglecting a friend? Oh my, I missed that terrible news because I have that person hidden! Now, I’m a total jerk. Ah!

Too. Much. Pressure. Also, too much judging. How many people have unfriended/hidden someone because that so-called “friend” posted something annoying/insulting/political/stupid? Even news organizations and others claiming to be experts in the social media field have an opinion on improving your Facebook reputation. CNN wrote about “The 12 most annoying types of Facebookers” (there’s even a quiz for you to test yourself) and a Google search offers plenty of tips on how to be the better updater.

I guess, it’s really not that much different from buying a book or searching for tips on how to be a better in-person communicator or how to make people like you. That’s why I’m wondering if the whole Facebook world is really worth all the extra effort? Keeping friendships in the face-to-face world is hard enough. At least there I know which friends I’ve lost and what happened to cause the sad split. However, I’m pretty sure I’ve never had 389 face-to-face friends at one time. I wonder how much that number will change after I post this?

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I like you in real life, but not in e-mail life

16 Sep

I had a recent in-person conversation with someone I thought was cool. That was until that person told me she hated when people peppered their e-mails with exclamation points. I immediately did the wrong thing. I decided, I don’t think this person is that cool anymore. Why? Because I’m an exclamation pointer, of course!

What? Really? Did I just form an opinion of someone because of her attitude toward electronic communication? Ridiculous and common.

  • Maybe you dislike the person who never shows emotion in their e-mail. Their message sounds dry, cold or demanding. Maybe you’re the opposite (like my uncool acquaintance above) and can’t stand it when people use the exclamation point.
  • The same goes for the smiley face. Maybe you think it helps signify that you’re kidding, friendly or providing service with a smile. Others, though, may see it as unprofessional. They automatically don’t take you seriously and won’t be able to anymore.
  • All caps – why are you yelling at me? No caps – lazy much?
  • Nice in person but an a-hole online? An a-hole in person but suddenly get a sense of humor in every e-mail you send?

Have your own e-mail annoyance?

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But He Loves Me

16 Sep

He is Caleb. He’s been her buddy since Kindergarten. He seems like a nice, young man. He makes her laugh. He asks her if she’s ok when she cries. Caleb.

I never would’ve found out that Nia and Caleb had moved from like to love (that’s what she tells me – that she loves him and he loves her) if it wasn’t for her trying to quickly get the “I love Nia” note from her backpack. She didn’t want to show me at first because she thought I was going to be concerned. When I told her it was ok, she allowed me into her love life and handed me the note, grinning. I told her it was sweet and that it was cute that he gave her a note. I also told her that I hoped they would still be friends even when he doesn’t write her notes anymore. She said, “But he will, momma. He loves me.”

Sweet girl, I’m sure he does. I’m sure he does.

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Daddy Do All

12 Sep

It’s a quote I’ll never forget. Our young neighbors said with a smile, “Mr. Andrew’s always trying to help somebody.” They couldn’t be more right and I hope they and our children will someday try to do the same thing.

Whether it’s killing a bug for me, running through the house and down a flight of steps to catch a screaming Nate hanging from the monkey bars, taking my car to get gas in the middle of leisure time, carrying all the groceries upstairs in one trip after he did the shopping because I didn’t feel like it, cooking dinner for us or fixing my car – I could never thank Andrew enough for all the ways he helps us and makes us feel protected and loved.

Like the kids said, he even makes every effort to help others. When it snowed here and our neighbors got stuck, Andrew ran up the hill with carpet pieces to throw under their tires. He’s given other neighbors a lift when they needed to go to the store, cut their grass, pushed a stranger’s stalled car off of a busy street, handed other strangers in the checkout line money when he saw they were short on cash and – one of my favorite kind acts – is that he never takes the closest parking spot because he says someone else who needs it more should have it.

Yes. I am totally bragging and it’s not the first time. Last year, I told the tale of the Knight in Starched Khakis and how he helped a stranded family in need. I can’t help but brag. I really love my friend. He’s a good influence and I wish others were as considerate as he is.

Just today he did two more things that compelled me to collect all these positives. He played ball with Nate while sitting on the couch still watching football and enjoying his adult beverage. Why is this nice to me? Because I appreciate that he still participates with us even when he really wants to watch his Denver Broncos for a few minutes.

Today, he also jumped in front of a hit baseball to keep it from hitting our pregnant friend in the stomach. The ball was coming pretty fast and left a mark on his arm so we are so thankful he blocked it. Despite the save, he was still upset with himself for not actually catching it. (The picture below doesn’t really capture it but you can kind of see the stitches from the ball.)

Andrew, I’m so grateful and inspired because you always try to help everyone. I just hope we’ll be there when you need it.

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Facebook vs. Face-to-Face

8 Sep

I don’t think my friends “fake it” on Facebook and even if they do, how is that any different than what they do face-to-face?

My question comes after reading the mommy blog article, The New “Keeping Up with the Joneses”. If you don’t feel like reading it, here’s a snippet of my takeaway of the article:

Many people only post happy things on Facebook even when they have bad things to share as well. They don’t mention the fight they had with the hubs, the nightmare of a weekend trip they had, the terrible way they talked to their kids that day or the horrifying thing their child did at school. They only tell you about the smiles, love, hugs, kisses, presents and blessings. All of the life-is-swell updates often make others feel inferior.

I think the writer makes good points (and I agree with the sentiment) but I think the situation is not really a new thing and it’s not just like this because of social media.

How many of our friends tell us all the dirt that happens in their lives to our faces? There are plenty who will never share the negative experiences with another soul outside of their family. Whether they’re on their nightly walk with you, grabbing a coffee with you or Facebooking around the clock, they only shine a happy light on their lives. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

On the flip side, there are some friends who never have a positive thing to tell you or Facebook about. They seem to always be negative or surrounded by drama. If the ones who are always sunshine and happiness make us feel bad about ourselves, should the ones who are followed by a storm cloud make us feel better about ourselves?

What about the friends who over-share and T.M.I. us until we can never un-hear what we’ve heard? (Some wouldn’t want it any other way!) Those friends, like all of them, exist in our Facebook world and our face-to-face world. They just make me feel less entertaining. Man. I hate trying to keep up with the brave and funny ones.

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Surf, Sting, Sleepover and Some Other Super Stuff

6 Sep

Surf

Our recent trip to the beach showed us our children view the whole surf and sand experience very differently. We couldn’t get Nia out of the water and it took forever for Nate to finally get into the water. (Or even close to it.) Nate didn’t even want the “mud” on him.  (That’s what he called wet sand.)

Instead, for a large chunk of three days, he worked up the nerve to run lightning quick in the shallowest of water, cried some, chased and fed birds, built a few castles, played his video game and then, eventually – toward the end of our time – tackled and conquered his fear of the water.

Beach Beauty

Beached Boy

Cool Wave Rider

Brave, Unbeached Boy

Sting

As the pictures above show, our beach beauty couldn’t get enough of the waves. Even a nasty jellyfish sting didn’t keep her sidelined for long. A lifeguard saw Andrew carrying her as though something was wrong and gave us some “Jellyfish Squish” spray. The sting beached her for a bag of chocolate-covered pretzels and that’s about it. She went right back in the water and acted like we were making too big of a fuss out of it.

Sweets Gets Stung

Chocolate Makes It All Better

Sleepover

This adventure marked the first time Nia and Nate shared a room. It featured two twin beds and a television that was almost as big of a deal as the beach. (They don’t have tv’s in their rooms.) The first night was a bit of a challenge for all of us. We let them watch some tv but then after that we heard quite a bit of commotion and then Nate came crying out of the room. When all the drama was calm, he informed us he had been building a “bridge” from his bed to Nia’s bed when he slipped and hurt himself on the bed. It’s all fun and games until …

Nate's Bed Bridge

Some Other Super Stuff

This beach trip also offered some great quality time with friends and a first for Nate.

We had such a wonderful time visiting with the Heidel family, who sacrificed their college’s opening weekend football game to spend Saturday at the beach with us. (Did I mention they are great friends?)

Snacks are better with buds at the beach.

After a day at the beach, we enjoyed dinner, drinks and caught a few innings of the Savannah Sand Gnats’ game. This is where Nate’s first comes in. He’s never seen a professional fireworks show before. This weekend though, he experienced two of them. One after the Gnats’ game and the other while sitting on the beach in celebration of the Labor Day weekend.

Enjoying the Fireworks

Nia also got a very special treat. One of her bestest buds ever, Miss Avery, visited us. Nia and Avery were basically born to be friends. Exactly a month apart, they were side by side crib mates at daycare and became inseparable until we moved away. The time and miles apart have not hurt their friendship at all. They picked up right where they left off and immediately began playing pretend “iCarly” while hitting the waves.

Reunited Friends

Our mini-vacation to the beach was so nice and memorable, Andrew was already, seriously, asking when we could go back. Nate, on the other hand, was ready to head home. Nia was just fine whatever we decided (as long as she’s getting a souvenir or two). Me? Well, I’m happy just making memories with them – even if one of them involves a jellyfish.

Happy Beach Fam

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One Decade Down

2 Sep

When we told Nia we’d be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary today, she accurately and adorably pointed out, “Your marriage is older than me!” Sure, it’s not as old as others but I still think our years have a lot of stories to tell.

  • We were separated more than we were together during the first three years of our marriage but we made it work. I was a loner in Savannah while the Army had Andrew on months of training in California, an overseas mission in Kosovo and a war in Iraq. Even when we were at the same address, our job schedules kept us apart. He spoiled me by chauffeuring me 40+ miles for my weekend producing job, just so we could spend more time.
  • The time apart in the military also meant we’d be apart for Nia’s birth. It was too much for both of us and Andrew decided a civilian life was best for our family life. I know that decision was so very difficult – I’ve always felt he was born to lead and he was such an awesome soldier – I am forever grateful.
  • From Army Captain to Best Buy Sales Manager, career number two kept Andrew close to us but still wasn’t ideal for him or us. Career number three was. So much so, baby number two came into our lives.
  • Nate’s birth was so special for both of us because we got to experience it together. We didn’t find out what we were having. We both wanted it that way. (We found out with Nia because we wanted to make sure he knew while at war – just in case.) Nate’s birth had complications and an emergency c-section was necessary. Andrew didn’t waver and I will never forget the moment we shared when the doctor told us everything was ok and that we were having a boy.
  • Soon after we became a family of four, the third career offered Andrew a promotion and a relocation. This change meant I could be a stay-at-home mom while he brought home the bacon. It was wonderful until it came to an end with a layoff. It may sound odd but this is probably one of my most cherished times together. Who would think a layoff would bring such happiness? Sure, we were concerned but we both looked at it as an opportunity and a chance to spend some quality family time together. We encouraged each other as we both looked for jobs and never took ourselves too seriously. We loved to watch the movie “Fun with Dick and Jane” – quoting it and seeing the hilariously sad reality in it. (Never getting any ideas, of course.)
  • After only a few weeks of unemployment, we both found great jobs (career four for Andrew, two for me) but it meant a big adjustment to our family. Nate would now need to go to daycare again. Nia would need to go to after school. We conquered this together and continue to work hard at it.

There are so many other challenges and adventures we’ve experienced together but through it all we’ve taught each other so much. How to take better care of one another. How to be a team. How to best deal with my paranoia and worrying issues. How to not fight because there are crumbs on the counter, empty cups around the house or other quirks. How to try to be a parent.

I know the coming years are going to continue to try us and to teach us. With Andrew as my partner, best friend, favorite and love, I can’t wait. Besides, I figure he’s stuck with me for another five or six decades. Then, we’ll really be older than Nia.

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I Know a Mom

9 May

I know a mom who loves her children more than herself. She kisses their boo-boos and rocks them (and sometimes herself) to sleep. She usually ends up on the other end of projectile yuck but she does what is necessary, cleaning up the mess while letting her child know it’s going to be ok. She takes the time to play games with them, color with them and read them books. She tells them how to spell “love” and answers their questions that she isn’t even sure she knows the answers to.

I know a mom who does it alone. She plays the part of mommy and daddy, working to pay the bills while loving and caring to make sure her child knows he is supported and cherished. She goes without to give her child what he needs and wishes for – new shoes, sports dues, the latest gadget his friends have. She wears his sports picture button proudly on her purse.

I know a mom who has a child who suffers and struggles with an illness or special need. Her child is not able to do the same kinds of things other children do. She constantly worries about her. She stays up at night to comfort her angel through a difficult time and then manages to get through the day doing everything she needs to do for her family. She often feels helpless that she can’t make it all better but she is strong, patient and resolved to do all she can.

I know a mom who works all day away from home. When she is home she cares for her family while trying to care for herself – planning out their clothes, their meals, their activities. Making sure they have everything they need to be ok during the day while they are apart. She wishes she could be home a little sooner each day but she makes the most of their time together.

I know a mom who takes “staying-at-home” to a whole new level. She balances it all (and sometimes more) and takes pride in all she does for her family. She loves every second she gets to spend with her children and never tires of the routine of things. To her, it’s not a job – she wouldn’t have it any other way.

I know a mom who isn’t sure what she’s doing half the time and isn’t afraid to admit it. She loves her children with all her heart and tries to be the best mom she can be. She is a good mom. A great mom. An all-of-the-above mom.

Thank you moms. You are remarkable, beautiful, respected, inspiring and loved. Happy Mother’s Day.
 

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And So It Begins (well, sort of)

22 Feb

It’s a common theme for a love story. Boy meets girl. Boy asks for girl’s phone number. Boy calls girl. Boy and girl don’t speak until girl hands the phone to her dad and says, “I don’t want to talk to him right now. I’ll talk to him tomorrow.” Oh yeah, did I mention that boy and girl are only six years old?

So far, Nia has collected the digits of four boys in her class. Only she knows how many boys she graced with her number – likely the lone thing written on a large sheet of copy paper or barely fitting on a piece of ripped notebook paper.

I’m sure this number exchange is happening because many of them have just fully memorized their phone numbers so they are excited about sharing this information with others. I also realize that these boys dig Nia and Nia digs them.

Great.

“Can Nia come over to my house?” This is what “Brian” asks Andrew when he calls. Andrew’s response involved, “I don’t even know who this is or where you live.” Andrew also spoke with Brian’s mom who informed him that Brian had been asking to call Nia all weekend.

When Andrew finally gives the phone to Nia – Brian says nothing to Nia and she says nothing to him. Zip.

This is what makes it all so funny to me. They are handing out their phone numbers left and right but they do not even really know how to talk on the phone – to anyone – properly yet. Another boy left her a voicemail a few weeks ago. It went like this, “Heeey. Is is reeeek. Call me baaaack.”

Whaaaat?

Maybe they should just facebook her?
 

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A Perfect Father’s Day

16 Jun

You didn’t want to take the day “off” by lounging around even though you could have.

You didn’t want to go anywhere special or be given any expensive gifts.

You put Nia’s hair up in a ponytail and it was adorable.

You didn’t care if you didn’t get to finish watching golf.

You still changed stinky diapers and dealt with the occasional misbehaving child.

You helped cook dinner.

You play-wrestled with the kids and made them laugh like crazy.

You made us some pretty yummy coffee and even tried to concoct a Frappuccino knockoff for me.

You coached Nia on her big girl bike and even took your bike out for a spin with the kids.

You told Nia how proud you were of the train track she was creating for Nate.

You came upstairs to say night-night to Nate even though you were half asleep downstairs watching “Star Wars” with Nia.

You did everything you do on regular days and for all of that and so much more, I thank you.

You are an incredible daddy.
 

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