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Can I Get an Amen?

12 Mar

I’ve never been an ultra-religious person.  I believe in God.  I believe in Jesus. I had weekly religious education classes as part of the Catholic faith but I was young and didn’t pay much attention. (Did I ever mention that Andrew and I grew up in the same church?   I mean, how was I supposed to pay attention to anything when I knew I might see him?)  Also, I’ve missed more Sunday masses than I’ve attended and now even when I’m there I’m not really there. It’s not because I don’t want to be (I actually really want to be), it’s because I’m a mom and moms with kids in church just don’t get to pay much attention to what’s being prayed about or preached.  So wouldn’t it figure?  Now that I want to learn and want to be there, I really can’t.

It’s something that has really been weighing on me because right now I’m experiencing a true need to be taught about God and Jesus and benefit from the guidance and strength offered through the Bible.  But now I dread even going because Nate is a maniac in church and understandably so.  He’s two years old and we’re trying to make him whisper and not act like a caged animal for roughly an hour – even when we’re in the “cry room.”  (And yes, we’ve tried every trick in the book to help him through the hour.  Snacks, toys, crayons, blankey.  Nothing works.)  Trying to teach him how to act in church (or just to be quiet) while trying to walk away from mass with something inspiring or encouraging is nearly impossible. I end up leaving frustrated and disappointed that I didn’t get anything out it.

Amazingly, I’ve found something that is uplifting me but it’s not through our church.  I never thought I would say this and truly believe it but it seems God has lead me to what I needed.  Each Wednesday, I take Nia to a nondenominational Bible school for children at a local Baptist Church.  (One of her friends invited her to it.)  Because she is so young, I am supposed to stay on the church grounds while she’s in the 90 minute school.  At first, this was awful to me.  I thought, what am I going to do during that time?  I don’t think they have have free wireless internet.  I don’t really want to just sit in the hallway and lurk while I read or book or something.  That’s when the extremely friendly director of the Bible school guided me to a room with a sign that read “Ladies Bible Study.”

Just those words intimidated me.  What business did I have entering that room?  I’m only vaguely familiar with some of the “big” Bible stories and I was certainly not one of those ladies.  They are all in the same Baptist club right?  Will they all hiss at the Catholic and hold up the Bible if I cross the threshold?

Never could I have been more ignorant.  They were so wonderful and welcoming and at the end of that study I knew I was meant to walk in that room. It’s helping me in so many ways and I’m learning things about the Bible that I never knew before and I’ve also just realized, while writing this, that I shouldn’t rely on my Sunday morning church service alone to inspire me. Inspiration and guidance is all around me everyday.  In my family, in the Bible, in my friends, in good deeds…

From now on, I will walk into church with a light heart knowing that my healthy, happy little boy is going to want to play and I am more than likely not going to hear a word of what is being said. As long as we are not bothering anyone else, I will do better to not let it bother me.  I will use the time there to thank God for His ways and show my faith to Him with my family. Maybe I’ll even get a prayer or two in as well. (For Nate to be quieter could be one of them!)

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Season of the Kirby

3 Mar

How many times in your lifetime should you be visited by a Kirby salesperson?  Maybe two or three?  A lucky few may live their whole lives and never know what the experience is like.  Others, who like me are at home during the day, aren’t so fortunate.  Today was my second visit in 32 days!

I feel kind of bad about my reaction.  Poor girl.  She was just trying to make a buck but I’m just trying to enjoy/efficiently use the hour or so I have to myself during the day. The last thing I want to do is suffer through another Kirby demonstration.  Especially since I know I’m not going to spend the $1500 to buy one, I don’t feel like entertaining and I have a 90 pound dog who won’t stop barking in the other room.

I think what I’m really bothered about is how they get into your home in the first place.  They mumble their way through their introduction and hand you a free gift. This particular salesperson said she had this “free gift to welcome me to the neighborhood.”  That’s the first fib.  How long have we lived here?  Fourteen months.  I should be welcomed by now I think.  They know they can use that line because there are still new homes being built here so there’s a chance I do need “welcoming.”

Fib number two – They don’t tell you they are Kirby salespeople.  Here’s how it went down for me – The free gift is mine to keep but she just needs me to participate in a “short survey” about a “wonderful new product called the Sentria.” She asks, “You know about the Sentria right? You’ve never heard of it?  Oh then, let me just go get it to show you how great it is!”  I tell her no thanks – I really don’t have the time. (I had an appointment with the couch and this computer – I’m a busy girl you know!)  To that she yells back as she is running down the steps to retrieve the product I already detest, “It will only take a few minutes of your time.  Please.  It helps me earn college credits.”  Yes. I fell for that.  I can be such a pushover when it comes to helping other people.  I don’t want to be the reason the young lady doesn’t graduate from college!  How could I live with that on my conscience?

Then, I saw it. One of her fellow salespeople came running up the driveway holding the big box that slyly entered my home the last time.  I acted as though they were going to bring a toxic chemical into my house.

“Nah-uh!  Nope!  No thanks!  No Kirby for me!”

They reacted like, “What? But this is the KIRBY.  How can you turn away God’s chosen vacuum cleaner?!?!”

WHATEVER!  I gave them back the free gift and told them that I was sorry and that I just couldn’t go through it again.  I probably made it seem like the last salesman attacked me with it or something.  I don’t even care. All that matters is that I have my precious moments of peace and another ridiculous memory.  I feel really bad for the next Kirby salesperson that comes my way though!

 

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Why ya gotta diss the mermaid?

31 Jan

Sometimes I just don’t understand people.  They pass judgment left and right but never look at themselves with those same eyes.  Here’s my beef –

I’ve been trying to check out more and more blogs written by moms – partly because I’m looking for people who are going through the same things I am so I know I’m not the only one and partly because I am curious about how other people write about/capture their experiences. (You know, the whole art of it all and stuff.)

Well, I kind of wish I would have stuck to my old reliables!  I feel so dirty to have cheated on you!  And for what?  So I could get all pissed off after reading one mom’s opinions?  In one post she talks about how she’s banned The Little Mermaid from her house because Ariel is an anti-feminist who gives up her legs, her voice and her family after just seeing a man who’s twice her age.  The mom thinks she’s being a good parent to keep something like that from her children.  Fast forward a few blogs later where she posts pics of herself with her laptop on her lap and her sleeping child (appears to be between one and two years old) sleeping on her stomach right next to the computer.  I’m sorry, but before you go and say you are such a good parent by shielding your kids from the bad example that is The Little Mermaid, shouldn’t you consider the example you’re setting by choosing your computer over your child?

Now, I’m not saying using the computer around our kids is wrong.  (Please, I’m totally guilty of that and in some cases, people are paid to have their computers around all the time.)  My main issue with this mom is that she doesn’t see how skewed her thinking/actions are.  It’s cute to have my child drooling on my computer but not cute to have them enjoy a Disney classic? Besides, what about what Prince Eric did for Ariel?  He sacrificed his life to save hers and fell in love with her even when she didn’t have a freakin’ voice!  Now it may just be I’m feeling all passionate about this because I love my girl Ariel!  Sure, there are some days when I wish I hadn’t shared my love of Disney movies with Nia at such an early age (she already has every princess doll) but then I think why not?  THEY ARE MOVIES AND MOVIE CHARACTERS.  I mean, if my child thinks that the only way to deal with someone who is different or a confrontation is by grabbing pitch forks and torches while singing “Kill the Beast!” or the only way to get what they want is by going to see a gigantic witch octopus then I have a lot more to blame than a movie.

What’s really messed up about all of this – if it wasn’t for her dissing my BFF Ariel – I probably would have thought the picture of her child sleeping next to her computer was cute too!  I’m a total psycho!
 

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Gets Me Every Time

27 Jan

I don’t know why I do it to myself.  I just can’t help it.  For some reason, I enjoy (?) watching the same movies over and over again even though I know they are going to make me cry.  And, I don’t just mean a few tears.  I mean, I cry.  Hard.  My body shakes. My chin quivers. I leak so much liquid from my face that my sleeves alone aren’t enough to handle the mess.  Even after I’m finished sobbing and I’m calm, the tears still sneak out of my eyes. Slowly sliding down the sides of my face.

I even get mad if something happens to prevent me from crying during a movie.  For example, if Andrew stares at me and smiles when he knows I’m about to cry – ah!  I end up having to tell him to stop looking at me and then all that built up emotion is ruined and I can’t cry anymore!  I really wanted to cry dammit!

What is all that about?!

One of the worst (best?) movies that has the power of me is The Green Mile.  It’s been on a lot lately and we’ve watched it a lot.  It gets me every time.  I lose it.  One of the times I was actually ironing something – so there I was – standing, bawling, iron in my hand, frozen, hysterical.  Even the Disney cartoon Mulan does it to me.  The kids will be watching it and I’ll be cooking or cleaning through the majority it and then, I pay attention to it for a few minutes.  That’s all it takes.

I guess, maybe it’s not so much that I enjoy watching sad movies. I think I’m just an emotional person who enjoys movies.  Whether sad or funny or a thriller or a sci-fi flick, I am addicted.  Especially to the ones that are powerful, beautiful, touching, hilarious, surprising, real and an overall amazing piece of entertainment.  For me though, there’s a lot of those. They bring tears to my eyes just thinking about them…

How about you?
 

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Getting Rusty

7 Dec

How long did I work as a producer? Checking other people’s scripts and graphics for grammar and spelling?  Now, I can’t even catch a stupid typo on a Christmas card we made ourselves!

Being the obsessive, perfectionist I am – I begged Andrew to say ok to ordering more.  I just couldn’t imagine trying to doctor up the mistake – it would look so bad to me.  Anyway, I think those of you who are reading this should get one of the cards with the typo.  Then, it will be a special thing that you shared with us.  (Really I’m just being cheap because I don’t want to order as many as we did before so some people were going to get the boo-booed ones anyway!)  Just think of it like a game – be the first person to get the card and catch the typo.  The prize could be a typo-free card next year!

I LOVE YOU GUYS! Mary Krismass!

 

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The Scale Must be Broken

3 Dec

Disclaimer – This post is all about ME. ME. ME.  I’m just giving you a warning in case you don’t want to read my blah-blahing about my body image.  The next cutesy/crazy kids post should be coming soon!

For the first time in 5 years, the scale read a number less than 130!  I weighed in at 129.8 on Saturday!  Sure, I don’t weigh that right now but still!  It’s taken me so long to even catch a glimpse at weighing anywhere near that number but for some reason (mental) I have mixed emotions about it all.  While I’m shocked and excited, I am also, oddly, disgustingly worried.

I just don’t want to reach the point where I’m not satisfied with my weight.  It makes me sick to think that I will still look at myself and point out all the things I think are wrong with me.  I mean, I was 145 in April of this year and I remember thinking, “If I could just lose 10 pounds.  I would be so happy.  That’s all I need to feel good about myself – 10 pounds.” Now, roughly 15 POUNDS later and I find myself thinking, “If I could just lose 5 more pounds.”

!!!!!!!

It’s disturbing to me and it makes me feel like I’ll never really be content.  I should be feeling awesome and just worrying about maintaining where I am – not losing more!  Even if I did drop another 5, I know I won’t look the way I did when I was 125 before babies but I guess I’m kind of curious about what my 125 post-babies body will look like.  But then what if I don’t like it?  When will it stop?!?!

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Don’t want to jinx it but…

28 Nov

We’ve spent two days at the Y and have had two days without any violent incidents!

One lady who watches Nate told me she would never write him up because she knows he’s not a mean kid.  She says the only time she’s ever seen him act aggressive/rough with another kid was when the kid tried to take a toy he was holding.  I even talked to the lady who wrote him up about how stressed I am about the whole thing because I wouldn’t know what I would do if I couldn’t go to the Y.  (Here’s where I feel sorry for myself because I have no friends here since Monica moved away.)  She told me there are kids who are far, far worse than Nate and that I really shouldn’t worry about it. That’s semi-comforting but I still can’t help but be a little worried.

As far as what Andrew and I have done to break Nate of his bully behavior, well, I don’t really know for sure.  We’ve been putting him in his crib for timeout EVERY time he pushes or hits, even if he’s just playing.  (And I’m happy to say the amount of time he’s spent behind bars has significantly dropped.)  I also make him say (try to say) “sorry for pushing/hitting” to Nia and I tell him “no push” and “no hit” and have him repeat it to me right before we go into the Y.

All we can do is keep doing what we’ve been doing and hope it all sinks in to that tiny hard skull of his.

 

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Advice that ranks up there with “wear protection”

22 Nov

“Now, there are just some things you get at the Wal-Mart.”

– Advice a mother gave her preteen daughter tonight while shopping at Publix.

 

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Criminal Record before Age 2

16 Nov

Today, Nate got “written up” while being watched at the YMCA and I don’t blame those ladies one bit!  He is just so rough!  Everyone says, “He’s just a boy” but I’m so tired of hearing that excuse.  I know that there are some little boys who would never even think about pushing a 15-month-old little girl down one time let alone THREE!

The ladies who watch the kids at the Y are so nice and the one who wrote him up gave him 2 chances before even putting him time out.  Apparently, every time they put a child in time out they have to write it up and after three write-ups they basically boot the kid out of child watch.  I would be so super bummed if that happens.  I love being able to go there – not only for me but also for the crazy little man.  He really loves to play there.  In fact, every morning after we drop Nia off at school Nate says, “I play?”  He gets all mad at me when I tell him “Not today sweetie.”  We both enjoy spending a few hours a week at the Y and it would be such a shame if we lose the luxury because he plays too rough.

I know he was just playing and that he didn’t push the little girl down in a mean way because he and Nia constantly wrestle and shove each other, laughing the whole time.  Andrew and I are working on breaking him of the rough-housing but it’s really hard to punish him every time he runs at Nia and they both scream and laugh.  He even told the little girl “Orry” but I don’t think he even understands what that really means.

I just never thought I would be that mother.  The mother of the bully.  The mother of the victim was so nice about it.  She was in there as I went to pick him up and she was telling me that her oldest was a biter and that I shouldn’t feel so bad about it because lots of kids go through the “rough” stage.  I’m not sure if she knew that Nate was taking his “rough stage” out on her daughter – I’m sure I would have got a much different response.  If she did know maybe she was so nice because she saw that I genuinely felt bad about the whole thing.  Now, we just have to get the boy to understand that he needs to chill – but after all, “he is a boy” right?

“I’m Tougher than You Dad!”

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Total ‘Tude Change

26 Oct

I was feeling pretty blah over these past few weeks but after some yoga, a long, uninterrupted shower and two powdered donuts I have a whole new outlook!

I really don’t know what was making me feel so yuck.  I think it may have been because I wasn’t going to the Y to workout because I was having a pain in my chest and thought I had pulled a muscle or something.  That lead to me feeling sleepy during the day (even sometimes falling asleep for seconds at a time while I tried to play blocks or puzzles with the kids) and I also felt really cranky.  I had zero patience when it came to dealing with tantrums or non-listening little girls.  It’s amazing how much I’ve come to depend on exercising and how great I feel after getting my workout fix.

It’s not even like I go to the Y every day.  I only go like 3 to 4 times a week but those times hold me over and keep my moods/feelings in check.  I was thinking about how much it will stink when I have to choose between my workouts and work!  I feel so spoiled and blessed to be able to do this and I hope I wouldn’t quit going once I started working again – it’s just you know how that can be – it can be hard to fit it all in and if I’m working away from the kids then the last thing I’m going to want to do is be away from them even longer so I can listen to my MP3, read People magazine, watch pointless talk shows and burn a few calories on the treadmill!  I shouldn’t worry about that now though – I’ll worry about that when the time comes – right now I just know how much I need my visits to the gym.  I will never let a pulled muscle or pain come between us again!

 

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