Are You Zhazha?

How far does it go?  How did our parents pull it off for as long as they did?  This is a hard lie to live.

It’s fairly simple for the first two years of life.  Heck, they can be right there as you load up the shopping cart with tons of toys/stuff that “Santa” is supposed to bring them.  They just sit there in their car seat buckets drooling or snoozing or, if they’re older, happily playing with that distraction toy/snack you brought with you.  They are none the wiser.  Then, they become aware.  Very.  Very. Aware.

Things change big time.  You now have to plan how you will divide and conquer the shopping while they are with you in the store.  A strategic placement of a coat or purse is necessary.  One parent must divert the child’s attention as the other loads up the cart or checks out.  Sure, one of you can go by yourself and knock it out easily but sometimes we’re just out together and it’s convenient. Well, sort of.

As if buying these presents that “Santa” is supposedly making with his elves up at the North Pole isn’t deceitful enough, we go and make it even more of a lie.

• “Those are “Santa’s” helpers at the mall.  You tell them what you want and then they let “Santa” know.”

• “‘Santa’ is watching you.”  (Sure, I guess technically, we are watching but it just doesn’t have the same impact on them if I say “Mommy is watching you.”  They’re like so?)

• “Better be good or “Santa” will only bring you a lump of coal.”  (Like I’m really going to only give the kids lumps of coal – besides, I don’t even know where to find a lump.)

As I continue this charade, I’ve run into a few questions/quandaries:

• How do you explain to kids why you need to remember those who are less fortunate by getting gifts for them too – why wouldn’t Santa just deliver them gifts too?  He seems like a pretty nice guy.  I really don’t think he wouldn’t get little Johnny a gift just because his mommy and daddy don’t make that much money.
• Do kids really not notice that some things have price tags on it.  Santa’s workshop needs to make a buck too I guess.
• I’m pretty sure Nia would notice that a few of her presents have the Best Buy logo on them.  Maybe Santa ran out of that movie he made and needed to swing buy the store to get more?
• You even gotta remember to hide the wrapping paper.  Andrew caught that one.  He bought some on the sly and hid it so that all the “Santa” delivered gifts would be wrapped in that special paper.  The one problem with it is that I really can’t use the leftovers.  I know Nia would notice.  What would I say then?  Oh, Santa left me some extra paper.  Right, cause I got connections with Mr. Claus like that.
• I’m pretty sure it’s not a good idea to pretend that you are Santa on the phone.  Andrew thought he was doing a good thing.  Nate really wanted to tell Santa something so Andrew went outside and I called his cell.  He disguised his voice really well – Nate bought it but not Nia.  When Andrew walked back into the room, Nia said, “Was that you daddy?  It was you with a silly voice.”  Andrew and I had to hide our faces and flat out lied.  No!  Why would daddy do that?

It’s all meant to make cherished memories, right?