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Addicted

13 Mar

Maybe it’s because I don’t get out of the house much.  Maybe it’s because I only hang out with children for the majority of my day.  Maybe it’s because I’m addicted.

More and more, I’ve been visiting the same blogs way too many times in one day.  I guess I’m hoping my usual bunch of bloggers will come through for me and post an update – but then I hit enter on my keyboard and see that same title or picture I’ve been looking at for days.  How totally selfish I am to feel this way!  I mean, like they have nothing better to do than keep me entertained every day!  I know I’m only feeling this way because, to me, this is my one big release during the day. When the kids are napping or eating lunch/snacks, I quickly escape to the computer just to see if there’s anything to make me laugh, cry, think…ANYTHING!

I’ve become so desperate in my wait for certain updates that I find myself venturing to other blogs.  They’re blogs that don’t satisfy me in the same way as my usuals – blogs that really only make me get mad at the writer because I just wasted my escape time instead of enjoying it.  Nonetheless, I feel this need to blog around.  See what happens to me when my usuals don’t deliver – I become a blog-ho of sorts – scraping around the internet for less worthy fill-ins just to get my fix.

In my attempt at recovery, I found this article about “blogoholics.”  Although I think for me it’s not so much that I need to write one but that I need to read one – I still think the article is pretty funny and very true. It may be hard and somewhat embarrassing for me to admit, but my name is NikkiVal and I’m addicted to blogging.

So, where are your updates?!?!?

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I Will Not Cry

6 Mar

I am going to try to get through this without letting a tear slide down my face. I can’t promise they won’t fill up my eyes but I will try to hold them in there until I’ve at least published this.

I just want to brag about my friends.  I feel so very lucky to have such great buddies.  They brighten my days and spoil me with their love.  I know I may not always get to talk to them as often as I would like but when I do it’s so much fun and I always feel less-stressed after our conversations.  I’m so glad they don’t give up on me when I don’t call for awhile. I couldn’t imagine my life or my family’s life without you in it.

Lately, I’ve been feeling really bad about how things are now with a good college friend I had.  She was even in our wedding and was a great friend and it makes me sad to think that we just lost touch.  It’s really my fault.  She got married about two years ago and I completely forgot to send a present or even a card.  It happened around the time I found out baby number 2 was on the way and I just got caught up in myself and now I can’t forgive myself.  I didn’t get a Christmas card from her in 2005 but then one came this past Christmas and I just lost it.  Now, every day that goes by I want to call her and pour my heart out to her telling her what I jerk I am and asking for her forgiveness.

DARN IT!  A little tear got out!  It’s made it to my cheek and now is creeping down my neck!  SNEAKY TEAR!

Oh well, I do plan on calling her – I just don’t want to be a big, blubbering fool and her be on the other end of the phone thinking, “do I really want this psycho back in my life?”

All I can do now is thank my friends who allow this psycho to be in their lives now – I only hope I am as good a friend to you as you are to me.

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Thoughts from an Outsider

4 Mar

I truly hope I didn’t anger people as much as television news writers are angering me now.

I don’t really watch the news anymore because usually I just end up screaming at the television – critiquing the newscast story by story – also cartoons are pretty much all I get to see during the day now and night time is reserved for our sacred shows.  The only time I ever watch the news is try to see what Atlanta traffic will be like for Andrew on his way home from work but even then it drives me nuts.

The latest incident that’s causing me to vent involves that peanut butter recall.  I like to think when I wrote a story or approved a reporter’s script – I made sure we didn’t b.s. the viewer and just told them what they needed to know without dramatics or treating them like they were idiotic freaks.  I like to think I did the opposite of what so many news people do – – – – “Now for a story that is sending fear into the hearts of mothers everywhere…”

WHAT?!?! Oh right – they’re absolutely right – as soon as I heard the report I ran to the pantry and threw cans of food out of the way searching for my peanut butter – when I discovered it had the dreaded “2111” code on it I ran screaming from the kitchen, grabbed the children, tossed them into the cars (without putting them in their child safety seats you know because there’s no time to buckle up for safety when that peanut butter is lurking inside them) and sped to the emergency room.

What makes me sick is that they generalize and try to scare people into watching – JUST TELL PEOPLE WHAT THEY NEED TO KNOW!

Since that really doesn’t happen anymore – I’m now not even trying to watch tv news.  Instead I look online for what I want to know – but even then I can’t escape the sensationalism – it “sends fear into my heart” every time I click on a story.

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Feast or Famine

2 Mar

So much has happened with the Valles fam this past week that it was too hard to sit down and write about at the time – now though the boy is taking a nap (and will probably wake up before I can finish this) so I will try and share everything as quickly (and interestingly) as I can.

Last Thursday – I get sick.  Like real sick.  Like can’t stand up or I’m going to throw up sick.  Like did throw up while boy was playing with the toilet bowl brush with one hand and hitting me on the back with the other.  I couldn’t function and wasn’t able to call in sick because Andrew was stuck in a meeting all day and couldn’t come home.  It was a big challenge.  Before, when I worked and got sick, I could call in and then Andrew would take the kids to day care – of course you know that’s not the case anymore so I was forced to try to stomach making them lunch and required to try and stay awake.  By the end of the day I started feeling better but then Andrew started feeling sick and then (even worse) at 3 in the morning Nia wakes me up saying in a very sad voice “Momma, I threw up in my bed.”  She stayed sick for the next 24 hours.  I finally knew she was feeling better when she asked for “chicken, french fries and bananas” for dinner.

After the Sickiness

After the Sickiness

On Monday, we all loaded up (minus Joey who got to stay at a doggy-kennel-resort) and headed to Savannah.  Andrew had to work there and I figured we all might as well go since we really didn’t have to be here by ourselves.  Visiting Savannah was so wonderful and it made me remember why I loved it there so much.  Of course the people we love, but also there’s just something about that town.  I even missed that awful smell that is distinctly Savannah.  We only stayed for a few days but they were such great days.  The kids and I got to spend time with Aunt Ree, Uncle Marcus and Baby Ella – Ginger, Lee and Cami – Karen and Baby Andrew – Paul – I even went to see WSAV and Nia got to play with her old friends at her day care.  It was awesome taking her there – the kids bombarded her and they fought over her all day saying “that’s MY Nia!”  She was a little overwhelmed and played hard and it was just so sweet to see how much 3-year-olds can miss each other.  Nia’s really good friend Avery started to cry when Nia had to leave – kind of like I did when I had to say goodbye to Ginger – proving there’s really no age limit on missing your buddy.

Before the Move

Just Visiting

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How I’m Different

18 Feb

Before staying at home with the kids I:

  • Went to sleep at a reasonable hour (now I’m glued to the tube through the night trying to get my fix of tv shows and movies)
  • Ate fast food Monday through Friday (now I’m happy (and hungry) to say I’ve only bought it once since we lived here!)
  • Rarely cooked dinner on weeknights (now it’s a struggle to decide what I should make – it’s like the one big decision I have every day and sometimes it really stresses me out)
  • Took a shower EVERY day (I know this sounds gross but I mean what do I do?  I hardly ever leave the house so it’s not like I’m schtanky or anything – I swear the most I went without a de-schtanking was one day)
  • Only wore jeans 3 or 4 days a week (now they are all I wear – although the other day I decided to wear pants and put on some fancy jewelry just because – it would figure that I lost an earring though!  Luckily, since I don’t leave the house it didn’t go far and the little man (who of course finds every tiny, dangerous object he shouldn’t) found it for me later in the day!)
  • Super stressed about taking time off from work when the kids were sick
  • Knew about the latest news headlines (now I’m lucky to catch any blurbs on tv or even know what day of the week it is)

Overall, I think I’ve changed for the better.  I feel less stressed and enjoy simple things (like getting the mail) more than I ever would have thought.

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You’re My Favorite

14 Feb

He's All Mine

He makes me laugh and laughs with (at) me. He puts up with me and my moodiness. He spoils me. He makes me feel safe and comfortable, always putting his family first. He likes my cooking. He tells me I’m smart even though we both know I can be very flighty (Me – “Oh, look at all those dogs in that field!” Him – “Those are goats!  Didn’t the grazing and ‘goat’ees give it away?”).  He always says “I love you” on the phone even if other people are around him.  He is my best friend – He is my sexy – He is my FAVORITE and he is all mine.

I usually kid with Andrew about being “all mine” whenever he does something gross (like farts or picks his nose) but I really am so very happy and lucky that he is “all mine” and I am so thankful he chose me to be his lady.

Step Aside Ladies...

Happy Valentine’s Day Andrew – I love you bunches…

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Nice 29th

12 Jan

Yesterday, I turned 29 years old and it was great.  I spent the day just like I have been, me and the kids, only I took time to try and work out a little (you know in honor of getting older and all).

It was a riot.  Nate was sitting on the floor of the living room, calmly staring at his silly mother as she tried to do ab crunches – then it got really entertaining for him.  Justin Timberlake’s “My Love” came on the XM channel I had the TV tuned to and it just made me feel like breakin’ it down some.

There he was, eyes wide, holding his blankie, as his mother started leaping across the room, swinging her head around – hair flying – I even tried to do a few turns and kicks!  I know I had to be the most ridiculous sight but I didn’t care it was so much FUN to be so crazy stupid.  I was worried for just a second that I might pull something – but right after that second I pulled another spin move and threw my arms up in the air like the gymnasts do.  HE JUST SAT THERE!  (By the way, his sister was very nicely playing with her princess dolls in her room at this time so she did not witness the mommy dance out.)

Well, fast forward to today and I pull up JT’s “My Love” on the computer – Nate starts shakin’ his money maker!  It was so hilariously adorable – I actually got some of it on camera – please don’t miss it – I even tried to add some cheesy effects to it to make it all music video-ish.

I just didn’t want to forget how I felt right after turning 29.  I had a fun day with the kids and then their daddy bought me my favorite perfume and took us out to dinner with our new parent-friends, Monica and Steven.  I got to talk to my family and I thanked my mom and dad for having me (to that my dad grossly replied “it was my pleasure”).  HA!

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Online Again!

15 Dec

You know you’ve moved to a small town when it takes a freakin’ week to get the internet!  What the heck?!?!  We just got it up and running and this was the first website on my long list of sites I need to visit in order to feel a sense of balance again!

Now for the difficult decision of deciding what to write about – I mean so much has happened to the Valles Fam in the last few weeks but I couldn’t possibly write about them all – like you really want to read about them and frankly I don’t want to re-live some of them.  What I will share is a general idea of our lives so far –

We love our house – it’s twice the size of our old one and offers the kids tons of play space – although we still haven’t fully baby-proofed it yet (Andrew just put a gate at the top of the stairs but I know the crazy little man will try to rip it out of the wall).  Our priorities are pretty odd when it comes to getting the abode together – we still have boxes to unpack and rooms to situate but we made darn sure to paint Nia’s room like a princess.  Pink – Purple and Blue – When we get the camera stuff hooked up I’ll share some pics-  it’s really pink but Nia LOVES it.

Andrew has to drive anywhere from 2 and a half to 3 hours a day to get to and from work right now until his company finishes the new plant that’s closer to our house.  They say it will take about 6 months for that to happen.  We just hope it will really only be 6 months. He seems to like working out here – I think he really likes the challenge of trying to fix something and make it better. I just have to give him the time to do that and not call him 10 times a day about the silliest things.

As for me, I’m still trying to figure out how I’m doing.  Everyone keeps asking me how it’s going as a stay-at-home mom and if I’m getting the hang of it.  I really don’t know how to answer that. (DISCLAIMER – please don’t take offense if you’ve asked me these questions – it’s frustrating hearing them so many times.) I mean, it’s not like the job I was used to – where I would see results at the end of the day.  Right now, I just consider it a good day if zero or very few tears are shed (both from me and the kids) – I really don’t know how to gauge if I’m “getting the hang of it.”  The question actually kind of angers me a little bit too – I mean what do people really think I’m going to say – “NO! I HATE IT AND I WANT TO QUIT! I WANT TO RUN SCREAMING FROM THE HOUSE SOMETIMES”  Or, “Why yes, I’m an excellent mother with perfect children and I never have any issues with them.  All I do is watch soap operas, Dr. Phil and Oprah and eat chocolates.” Really, all I can say is – I’m doing the best I can.  Anyone that tells you it’s easy either doesn’t care that much about teaching and disciplining their children or has a housekeeper and cook.  Just like any job – there are ups and downs – in this case the downs are Nia crying “I want to be nice to brother!” over and over after just pushing him down and then sitting on him – sometimes the ups come out of the downs though – for example when Nate looks at me and his sister with a smile as she continues to scream she wants to be nice to him –

I’m hoping that once we are really moved in and finished with the big house projects I will be able to have more of a routine with the kids.  I’m sure that will really help us all.  I’m also looking into getting Nia involved in a part-time preschool just so she can interact with others who want to color all of the time and play tea party.  (As much as I love to do these things with her it’s kind of hard when there’s a 1-year-old boy standing up on a little rocking chair like he’s surfing.)

I guess I’ll just have to see what tomorrow brings and thanks to our working internet connection – I’ll get to share some of the humor (and grief) with you!

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Signing Off from Savannah

29 Nov

Tonight is the last night I will have this computer to type on in Savannah.  It all seems so unreal.  Right now, I should be packing up our “get us through the days until we’re in our new house” stuff but instead I’m racing to get this blog up before Andrew comes in and wants to pack up the ‘puter.  I just have to take in what I’m feeling and hold on to it in some way…

I love this city.  It is such a beautiful and captivating place – there is none other like it. I hope with all of my heart that we will be able to come back here someday…soon.  I know I’m not even gone yet – I’m sure our new city will offer me a bunch of unique qualities that I will come to love – but I’m pretty sure it will never make me feel the way Savannah does.

After all, look at all Savannah has given us.  Amazing friends, the birthplace of Nia and Nate, our first mortgage, my first real car accident (and second!), incredibly fun nights out on the town, a real sense of history just by walking on River Street (with a Wet Willy of course). I was always so excited to live in a “tourist town” because I grew up in a place that no one would ever want to pay money to visit.  Now we are moving to another “non-tourist town” and I know I will have to search through it to find the special place it will hold in my heart.

A few weeks ago I started writing a “What I Will Miss About Savannah” list.  I never really finished it – but I still want to share what I did write-
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What I’ll Miss about Savannah: (in no particular order)

-Savannah – there is no other place like it – so beautiful, mysterious, historic, entertaining, inviting – I feel like it pulled me in and now won’t let me go – I only hope it wins the tug of war and pulls me back in a few years

-Family – Andrew’s sister, her husband and our beautiful niece Baby Ella – I don’t want to miss her grow up – her, Nia and Nate LOVE playing together and I want them be close – I also love hanging out with Anna Marie and Marcus and it’s so comforting to live so close to them now

-Ginger, Lee and Cami – I so wanted to be able to Cami-sit for them like they did for us so many times – I wanted to have our families go on play dates and beach dates and then (much later) have a Cami-Nate date! – I know we still can get together – it just won’t be as easy –

-Ginger – when I needed someone she was there – even though we didn’t know each other very well at the time – I knew she genuinely cared about me and Bean when I was pregnant and Andrew was deployed – with my family being so far away, she didn’t hesitate when I asked her to be my birthing coach – what she did for us was so wonderful – she’s such an incredible person and I feel lucky to have her as a friend – I will miss being able to go to lunch with her every other week and just having her a 20 minute car ride away from a laugh/cry/chat/dinner together-

-Work people – Ike, Paul Rea, Karen – you have all meant so very much to me and it will be hard not to want to call and talk to you everyday

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It’s hard for me not to think about everything and get tears (but those of you who know me know if I DIDN’T cry something would be wrong) but I know this is not really goodbye.  It’s just see you later, talk to you soon or signing off from Savannah until the next time…

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My Last Thursday

17 Nov

So today Kevin offered to take me out to lunch.  “Pick somewhere nice – you know where it’s 8 bucks a meal,” he said jokingly.

My options were endless – I could pick something that’s uniquely Savannah – I could pick something fancy and make him really pay – or I could complete my 6 years at WSAV and finish it where it all began.

I chose Applebee’s.  And it wasn’t just any old Applebee’s – it had to be the one where my first Executive Producer took me (the one who got fired like just weeks after my first day).  It was funny when I told him – he was like “really?”

We had a nice lunch – my current Executive Producer came with us and we gossiped and talked about my evolution at WSAV.  How I went from a cry-baby basically to a cry-woman with some balls.  Kevin reminded me of our two “grow some balls” conversations – it took me a few tries but I think I eventually got them.

Really though, I think more of what it was is I grew a baby.  It’s funny how much something like that can change you.  I think it’s because I had something more important to worry about and the last thing I wanted to deal with was stupid stuff at work. Little Bean (as we called her) made me put everything in perspective.  I mean I produced the newscast that won a national Murrow award while I was 6 months preggers with Nia and while Andrew was in Kuwait waiting for word of war.  I guess my job helped me get my mind off the hard parts and all of the work crap that people would complain about just seemed so trivial to me.

It even continues today – I don’t want to know what so and so said about another person or that it stinks you didn’t find out about an assignment 2 hours ahead of time – just do your job!   I’d rather be with my kids but I can’t be so I try not to waste my time away from them bitching and moaning.  Make the most of it – if something gets in your way or upsets you – put more into your performance – don’t waste energy agonizing over issues that won’t get you anywhere – instead put that energy into your work where people will notice – I know when I did that I felt my time away from Nia and Nate was well spent.

Looking back on this it seems – with the births of Nia and Nate – I essentially did grow a pair!  Thanks for making mommy tougher kids!

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